Column/Blog Archives

Since most of the content from our blogs/columns have absolutely nothing to do with reality, it doesn’t really matter when they were published. That makes them sort of timeless. This is a list of everything that’s been loaded, so it’s a big list! The links below are the archives for each individual column.


Ask Bob Archive | Lunatic Ravings Archive | Guest Writers Archive

Chick Shit Archive | Paperback Writer Archives | Psycho Sermons Archive


Select a year for the list of columns.

Everything by Everybody!

  • 06/12 - What a Difference a Week Makes!!! (by Melissa Paternik)
    Wow! What a difference a week can make in your life. I thought I was going to have a special guest write this column, but that’s not going to happen…
  • 06/09 - How Can You Be in Two Places at Once When You’re Not Anywhere at All? (by Spamrider)
    “Time is what you read off a clock.” -Albert Einstein The thing most people don’t understand about Time Travel is that you’re also travelling through space.  They picture you jumping—let’s…
  • 06/07 - Nice Dreams: Part VII – A Twist of Fate! (by Bob Senitram)
    Prologue: In the proceeding columns, I found myself on a luxurious private ocean liner, mistaken for some kind of scientist. Currently, they all think I’m the guy, except Ezra the…
  • 06/05 - Melissa Shares Her Confidential Email! (by Melissa Paternik)
    After thinking long and hard about it, I decided to email Bob and Stephen and give them one more chance to correct their evil ways. I felt this would be…
  • 06/02 - Ask The Spamrider (by Spamrider)
    In retaliation for my little funny Bob has been hounding me to do a question-and-answer edition of my column in order to recognize and show appreciation for some of the…
  • 06/01 - The Journey To HR, Part 14! (by Stephen Johnson)
    “YOU IDIOT!” She jumped up from the floor and shoved me back against one of those three walls. “Do you seriously believe that I would even think that Bob was…
  • 05/31 - Nice Dreams: Part VI (by Bob Senitram)
    Disclaimer (sort of…) Seems like this last week, it’s been…Bob loves me this, and I had Bob’s baby that! All the writers of TheWeirdcrap.com seem to be obsessed with me.…
  • 05/29 - Bob Refuses to Fess Up!!! (by Melissa Paternik)
    I just can’t believe Bob refuses to fess up to our love. After all the years of support for his numerous bad habits, after all the financial difficulties he put…
  • 05/27 - Me Too!!! (by Spamrider)
    After reading Melissa Paternik’s latest “Chick Shit” column I feel like I need to come clean about something. Bob Semitram and I have also been lovers for decades and I…
  • 05/26 - Reality or Delusion? (by Spamrider)
    I was drinking rum and Djarjar juice with Schmelnoz in the 17th dimension the other night—actually it was technically the 175/8ths dimension, but let’s not split hairs—and he said something…
  • 05/25 - The Journey To HR, Part 13! (by Stephen Johnson)
    As soon as I exited the small room the lady grabbed me by the throat and threw me against one of the four walls. “Well?” she asked as she held…
  • 05/24 - Nice Dreams: Part V! (by Bob Senitram)
    Now before I continue, I must address Melissa’s last column. Melissa and I are definitely NOT in love and she did not give birth to my baby! And second, I…
  • 05/23 - Diary of an Asshole (by Spamrider)
    5/23/24 Dear Diary, I don’t know what that life-support system of mine has been putting into itself lately, but judging by my breath the past two days I can only…
  • 05/22 - I Come Clean About Bob Senitram! (by Melissa Paternik)
    It’s time to break the silence! Bob Senitram and I have been in love for a very long time and have had sex even longer!! But, what about my “alien…
  • 05/19 - Afterburner (by Spamrider)
    Those ribs I ate last night were great but man do I have the rotten ass today! I can’t hardly stand to be around myself. My farts didn’t even smell…
  • 05/17 - Nice Dreams: Part IV (by Bob Senitram)
    If you missed parts 1-3 of “Nice Dreams” here’s the thing. I woke up with messy hair, explored an unknown hallway in my new apartment building in my pj’s. In…
  • 05/16 - On Knowing Shit 2: Electric Boogloo (by Spamrider)
    Although most people don’t like to admit it, the truth is there are some things out there we can just never know.  And I guess that’s where faith comes in.…
  • 05/15 - The Warden is…Jerome! (by Melissa Paternik)
    You’re probably wondering (like me) how Jerome could be the warden of the prison where I am currently incarcerated. After the initial shock wore off, I did some serious thinking…
  • 05/12 - On Knowing Shit (by Spamrider)
    As near as I can tell the world is just a big mystery that mankind will forever be trying to solve.  Or more likely, will kill ourselves trying to solve.…
  • 05/11 - The Journey To HR, Part 13! (by Stephen Johnson)
    So I knocked and knocked on that little door, but no answer on the other side. With nothing better to do I decided to do some more business. Picked up…
  • 05/10 - Nice Dreams Part III! (by Bob Senitram)
    Prologue to the Prologue: I can’t help it…I’m on about the Trump trial! Innocent, guilty…I don’t really care. But what I really get a kick out of, is his lack…
  • 05/09 - Everything Matters (by Spamrider)
    It just doesn’t matter today. Share on Facebook Tweet Follow us
  • 05/08 - Chicks in Prison! (by Melissa Paternik)
    Back in the old days when I was happily married and without the burden of an “alien baby”, Ralph and I would go the local grocery store and rent out…
  • 05/05 - John the Revelator (by Spamrider)
    My friend John the Revelator has this saying: The reward of patience is patience. Quite profound, no? As far as I know he probably got it from a fortune cookie.…
  • 05/04 - The Journey To HR, Part 12! (by Stephen Johnson)
    She ran past me with the axe and buried it in the head of a security guard who was guarding a tiny doggy door in the corner of the office.…
  • 05/03 - Strange Dreams: Part 2 (by Bob Senitram)
    Prologue: This part 2 of an action-packed story about a strange dream I had after binge watching Fubar. And in this dream, I was the star of a Hollywood movie.…
  • 05/02 - Speaking of Peeing Your Pants… (by Spamrider)
    In The Future it is illegal to pee your pants. Apparently after they made it illegal to speak out or otherwise demonstrate against The Establishment people started peeing their pants…
  • 05/01 - The Problem with Girl Problems! (by Melissa Paternik)
    I don’t know what it is, but my girl problems always seem worse during my jail stays!! The last time I was kidnapped and forced to escape and rob banks…
  • 04/28 - I’m Going To Be Honest with You (by Spamrider)
    The Future is one scary fucking place. You shouldn’t even need me to tell you that.  Just take a good look around at everything that is going on here and now…
  • 04/27 - The Journey To HR, Part 11! (by Stephen Johnson)
    She shot the little person. Who exploded in a festive festival of glitter. “Why you do that?” I asked as my bowels decided to release some more gooey fury. She…
  • 04/26 - Action Packed Dreams!!! Part I (by Bob Senitram)
    Before I begin this action-packed saga, here’s this: Prologe Part I:About Donald J Trump’s trials and tribulations:To quote the late great “Barretta”, “Don’t do the crime, if you can’t do…
  • 04/25 - Still More Shit Schmelnoz Says (by Spamrider)
    Schmelnoz said something to me once that I didn’t really understand but I nonetheless found very intriguing. He said that humans are the only known species in the universe who…
  • 04/24 - Did we cancel Melissa or what? (by Melissa Paternik)
    We regret to inform those that read Melissa’s column, that she is currently deathly ill. So deathly ill, as a matter of fact, she is almost dead. We rejoice! According…
  • 04/21 - Divine Wrath (by Spamrider)
    There are a lot of people running around talking about God’s Wrath and The End of the World and shit like that.  Which is fine if that’s how they want…
  • 04/19 - Much about Nothing… (by Bob Senitram)
    If you’ve read more than one Ask Bob column; or heaven forbid, several, you may’ve noticed I don’t really focus on politics, or a particular subject, or fiction for that…
  • 04/17 - I Got a Visitor in Jail!!! (by Melissa Paternik)
    Since I’ve been in jail before, I know exactly how to handle myself and know how to keep out of trouble. Take my word, if one of your fellow inmates…
  • 04/14 - Three Things of Which There Are No Degrees (by Spamrider)
    There are three things I can think of of which there are no degrees. 1.) Originality2.) Perfection3.) Infinity 1.) Originality I have a friend who says it makes him crazy…
  • 04/13 - The Journey To HR, Part 10! (by Stephen Johnson)
    “Yes. I want to file a complaint about Bob,” I said while transfixed by the pencils dangling from her nostrils. She removed one of the pencils, studied the end that…
  • 04/12 - Strange Happenings at Crack Whore Village… (by Bob Senitram)
    Last week, I was telling Jerome the story about how his new apartment at crack whore village became vacant…. One morning, Jackie, who lived downstairs from me (Jerome’s new place),…
  • 04/10 - I’m in a mental hospital!!! (by Melissa Paternik)
    Believe it or not, I’m in a mental hospital!!! I thought the trial was going my way, especially since I decided to represent myself. I figured that I had watched…
  • 04/07 - The Planckojiffy (by Spamrider)
    The shortest unit of time recognized by The Interuniversal Transdimensional Time Travel Council of Geneva, Wisconsin (or ITTTC) is the Planckojiffy*. And the reason that the Planckojiffy is the shortest…
  • 04/06 - The Journey To HR, Part 9! (by Stephen Johnson)
    “Well, hello there poopy man!” said the little person. It was the same kid from the store, but this time his head seemed to be a little crooked, almost like…
  • 04/05 - CINDY FREAKS OUT!!! (by Bob Senitram)
    Last week I was telling Jerome, my new neighbor about my two previous neighbors Cindy and Jackie. Jackie just showed up a few hours after my graveyard shift and woke…
  • 04/03 - Another Trial! (by Melissa Paternik)
    My trial ordeal is lasting a lot longer than I thought it would!! Hopefully it should end within the next week, but I don’t expect the verdict to be in…
  • 03/31 - Little Geniuses (by Spamrider)
    Schmelnoz once told me that the remarkable thing about human beings is that despite all our (extremely) obvious shortcomings each of us actually has a little genius inside of us.…
  • 03/30 - The Journey To HR, Part 8! (by Stephen Johnson)
    The clown was acting a little bit odd, hopping on each foot like he had to…… “Pee! I have got to pee!” he yelled. “I pooped in my pants!” I…
  • 03/29 - I Get a New Neighbor! (by Bob Senitram)
    Back around the turn of the century, I gave Jerome a cigarette. It was a nice, sunny, summer day in 1996. I had just come home from work and was…
  • 03/28 - All You Zombies (Not The Hooters’ Song) (by Spamrider)
    Robert Heinlein once wrote a story called “All You Zombies” about a man who goes back in time and fucks himself, thus becoming his own mother and father. (Heinlein actually…
  • 03/27 - My Apology… (by Melissa Paternik)
    I need to apologize to Ralph and to everyone who read my column last week. I know it’s kind of weak, but it was my time of the month, and…
  • 03/24 - The Polish Plunger (by Spamrider)
    In The Future people have all these funny names for exotic sexual positions or maneuvers. Sort of like how the people of today might speak of “The Rusty Trombone,” or…
  • 03/24 - The Journey To HR, Part 7! (by Stephen Johnson)
    (NOTE: I noticed in my last opus I typed “it’s head” a couple times. It should be “its head”. I guess I could go back and correct it, or you…
  • 03/22 - The Times They Are A Changing! (by Bob Senitram)
    In my everlasting attempt on this planet to find peace and tranquility, I tried studying several religious philosophies over the years, but to no avail. Christianity, Buddhism, Muslim, they just…
  • 03/20 - I Got Caught! (by Melissa Paternik)
    Well, I got caught! I was in the kitchen making Ralph’s dinner when I heard someone screaming outside. I turned off the microwave and ran outside. The screaming continued and…
  • 03/17 - Angels and Demons (by Spamrider)
    While I certainly have no intentions of letting this thus far squeaky-clean and entirely uncontroversial column of mine ever devolve into something so lowly and debased as religious mumbo-jumbo, I…
  • 03/16 - The Journey To HR, Part 6! (by Stephen Johnson)
    Quite the large bear, it was. If it was on all fours, maybe it wouldn’t have seemed so big. But it wasn’t. Nope, that sucker was on its hind legs.…
  • 03/15 - Finally, The Grand Finale…Part IV!!! (by Bob Senitram)
    Well, when we left off last week, those Duke boys really got themselves in quite a pickle. Seems like that hunting trip at the park left our two friends wounded…
  • 03/13 - Almost Busted!!! (by Melissa Paternik)
    I was almost busted!! I was tending to Ralph in the bedroom, like any good wife would do to THEIR husband, when there came a large crash from right outside…
  • 03/10 - Daylight Saving Blues (by Spamrider)
    Well, it’s that time of year again when most people set their clocks ahead an hour and, as my friend Schmelnoz the Incomprehensible once put it, start pretending that it’s…
  • 03/09 - The Journey To HR, Part 5! (by Stephen Johnson)
    “Brap zippy-zip-zip flong ZAP!” screamed the little person as he pulled the trigger. “Now you’re DEAD!” I felt nothing. Of course not. It was a toy gun. “Lay down! Act…
  • 03/08 - Good Will Hunting: Part III (by Bob Senitram)
    In last week’s column I was reminiscing about the time that me Stephen had big plan to go hunting and shoot them lovely springtime birds and shove them in the…
  • 03/07 - Old Farts Never Die… (by Spamrider)
    They just wisp away. Share on Facebook Tweet Follow us
  • 03/06 - A Surprise in a Crate! (by Melissa Paternik)
    When I got home yesterday from job hunting, found a large crate on our front porch. I was very happy because I thought it might be the donkey that Ralph…
  • 03/03 - Misfortune Cookie (by Spamrider)
    My fortune cookie tonight said, “Someone from your past has returned to steal your heart.” I’ll bet anything it’s that damn Haitian witchdoctor again. He’s been after my heart for…
  • 03/03 - The Journey To HR, Part 4! (by Stephen Johnson)
    “Eric Stratton, rush chairman. Damn glad to meet you!” I replied to that disembodied voice. “Eric! Can you spare a buck or two?” This came from behind a pile of…
  • 03/01 - A Hunting we will go Part II! (by Bob Senitram)
    Last week, I was explaining my plan to go hunting for springtime birds at our local park. Anyways, we got our guns and was a-heading toward the park. We get…
  • 02/29 - More Shit Schmelnoz Says (by Spamrider)
    Schmelnoz says the cost of free will is bearing the weight of the world upon your shoulders. I asked him if he believes in free will. He said that only those…
  • 02/28 - I Get My Life in Order! (by Melissa Paternik)
    It seems that every time I get my life in order, someone goes out of their way to upset me. I don’t know why, but I guess a lot of…
  • 02/25 - Quote of the Day #2 (by Spamrider)
    “It is a mathematical fact that the casting of this pebble from my hand alters the centre of gravity of the universe.” -Thomas Carlyle While technically true, what old Tomboy…
  • 02/24 - The Journey To HR, Part 3! (by Stephen Johnson)
    And there it was! Headquarters! No shiny high-rise here though. Just a one-story building that used to be home to a Build A Mole store. For some reason, the previous…
  • 02/23 - A Hunting We Will Go… (by Bob Senitram)
    Here in the Midwest, it was a balmy 60 degrees in my neck of the woods. I sat on the porch, drinkin’ a cold brew and listened to the morning…
  • 02/21 - Getting to Know Ralph Again! (by Melissa Paternik)
    Ralph and I have spent the last week getting to know each other again. It’s been fantastic!!! As soon as we got home, he put me right to work cooking…
  • 02/18 - The Future of Science (by Spamrider)
    In The Future it will begin to occur to some people that one of the major reasons we have so many problems in the world today is that instead of…
  • 02/17 - The Journey To HR, Part 2! (by Stephen Johnson)
    Figured I would hit a nearby store to find something to spray on the back of my pants in case any poop smell was wafting from down there, but discovered…
  • 02/16 - The Rat Killin… (by Bob Senitram)
    Now I told you about the joys of carin’ for chickens. But I never told you about the rat killin’. How we got rid of that old chicken coop and…
  • 02/15 - The Illiputians (by Spamrider)
    Speaking of timekeeping, Schmelnoz once told me about this race of giants called the Illiputi who do not keep track of time simply because they do not believe in it.…
  • 02/14 - Just In Time for Valentine’s Day…My Love Story!!! (by Melissa Paternik)
    I have the perfect Valentine’s story for you! And it couldn’t have come at a better time. I was at the lowest point of my life, thinking that things couldn’t…
  • 02/11 - Lunch Time (by Spamrider)
    According to my alien friend from The Future Schmelnoz the Incomprehensible the only reason that primitive races like humans even believe in and attempt to keep track of something so…
  • 02/10 - The Journey To HR, Part 1! (by Stephen Johnson)
    When I went to Headquarters so I could speak to our HR Department, is saw a nearby store that sold shelving was hiring so I decided to take the plunge…
  • 02/09 - She’s Having a Baby!!! (by Bob Senitram)
    My wife came running out of the bathroom screaming, “We’re having a baby!” “Impossible.” I reply. “What?” She says while wiping the pregnancy stick on her jean leg. “I can’t…
  • 02/07 - I am finally rid of Dana!!! (by Melissa Paternik)
    I was wandering around town trying to find some scraps to eat when I noticed a porn magazine lying in a trash bin. Since I like to read while Dana…
  • 02/04 - A Crinkle In Time (by Spamrider)
    [Note: The following entry was written by Schmelnoz the Incomprehensible, my alien friend from The Future.  -Spamrider] Greetings Earthlings. I am the quasi-sentient life-form known colloquially as “Schmelnoz the Incomprehensible”. …
  • 02/03 - What’s In My Mouth? (by Stephen Johnson)
    “THEY EAT THEIR OWN POOP WITHOUT EVEN KNOWING IT! Just like Stephen.” Excuse me? Just discovered a chunk of something in my mouth. Have no idea what it is, went…
  • 02/02 - Chickens…A Story From My Youth! (by Bob Senitram)
    James writes:Hello Bob! I like chickens. What should I do? Dear James:It just so happens, that I know a little bit about chickens. As a teenager my family moved into…
  • 01/31 - Sometimes You Have Sell It!!! (by Melissa Paternik)
    When you have something that is of no use anymore, you sometimes try to sell it in order to make some money. Well, I figured that I had no more…
  • 01/28 - The Great Poodle Wars (by Spamrider)
    So despite all the grisly and gruesome details I have thus far disclosed concerning The Future, it turns out that the most fierce and vicious response I have received thus…
  • 01/27 - No Robots, But Fubbles! (by Stephen Johnson)
    Robots? Someone is writing about ROBOTS??!! At least when you come here you know you’ll get full-on reality. Got some Fubbles for the cats, but they really didn’t care much…
  • 01/26 - The Aftermath of Passing Out! (by Bob Senitram)
    After passing out for four days courtesy of good ol’ Russian, gasoline moonshine from the 80s, Jerome was kind enough to take me home. We set up my computer back…
  • 01/24 - He Hasn’t Run Away or Died! (by Melissa Paternik)
    Well, Dana hasn’t run away or died yet, so I am still without a job. I guess it’s okay though since my breasts are seriously deformed from all the breast…
  • 01/21 - Shit Schmelnoz Says (by Spamrider)
    Schmelnoz the Incomprehensible says the darndest things sometimes. Recently (which remember is now eighteen years ago) we were watching some birds and he said, “When the animals finally go to…
  • 01/20 - Elephant Stampede! (by Stephen Johnson)
    It snowed again this week. I had the woman shovel the driveway since I was busy watching “Tarzan Goes To India”. That is all. Share on Facebook Tweet Follow us
  • 01/19 - He’s Back! (by Bob Senitram)
    Nice to be back. I woke up after a nasty hangover and I’m in a pile of rags at Jerome’s Place. “You’re telling me, you found me wondering around outside…
  • 01/17 - It’s Take Your Kid to Work Day! (by Melissa Paternik)
    Looks like I made a huge mistake bringing my baby to work. I think there also might be something seriously wrong with it since it’s now over 5 feet tall…
  • 01/14 - Weekend With Schmelnoz (by Spamrider)
    So now that it’s all over I can finally tell you now the real reason I was in Texas. My best friend from The Future, Schmelnoz the Incomprehensible, arrived on…
  • 01/13 - He Doesn’t Step In For Me……. (by Stephen Johnson)
    So, it snowed here. Figured I might as well make myself useful and shovel a path on the driveway and the sidewalk leading to the front door since I’m expecting…
  • 01/12 - Jerome Steps In… (by Bob Senitram)
    Dear friends TheWeirdcrap.com and the Ask Bob column. This Jerome, Bob’s very bestest friend! Bob ain’t writing this week’s column for two reasons. One, he done crashed the site this…
  • 01/11 - Quote of the Day (by Spamrider)
    “The world is a comedy to those who think, a tragedy to those who feel.” -Horace Walpole  I guess that makes my life a tragic comedy. Share on Facebook Tweet…
  • 01/10 - My Big Baby!!! (by Melissa Paternik)
    Well, my baby has grown to almost 4 feet tall!!! It’s amazing how much it’s grown in only two short weeks!! I don’t know if it’s because of the breast…
  • 01/07 - Texas Toast (by Spamrider)
    In Texas every meal you eat comes with Texas Toast. I’m not that big of a fan of Texas Toast actually. No offense to Texas. Actually, I wonder if Texas…
  • 01/06 - Resolutions And Other Stuff (by Stephen Johnson)
    Well, here I am again. Took a couple weeks off, hung with Bob at Walmart even though the friction between us is at a boiling point. You know, because of…
  • 01/05 - Someone Left The Cake Out In The Rain… (by Bob Senitram)
    “I’m tellin’ you, ‘Someone Left the Cake out in the Rain’ is a sick song!” The guy was a freakin’ sick-o! A regular Epstein if you ask me!” What you’re…
  • 01/04 - Big Lake (by Spamrider)
    As I write this I am currently sitting in a hotel room in Big Lake, Texas. Never mind what year it is. The name of the hotel is “The Derrick…
  • 01/03 - My Well Behaved Baby!!! (by Melissa Paternik)
    Yes, it’s true, I gave birth last week!! On Christmas day I gave birth to a beautiful 33 lb 7 oz baby boy. The actual birth wasn’t as bad as…
  • 12/31 - The Perils of Time Travel (by Spamrider)
    (This Spamrider of the Apocalypse entry arrived in my refrigerator underneath the pickles dated July 17, 2047. -Bob) Having now had some more opportunity to read through this website I…
  • 12/29 - Bob’s Annual Predictions for 2024! (by Bob Senitram)
    What an exciting list of annual predictions for 2024! So, let’s get started: Tech News!Google will launch a new advertising campaign that will present ads for products you’re thinking about,…
  • 12/28 - Howdy From Texas! (by Spamrider)
    Howdy from Texas everybody! Wow…everything really IS bigger in Texas! Even my wiener!!!!!!! Share on Facebook Tweet Follow us
  • 12/27 - A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE!? (by Melissa Paternik)
    From the editors of theweirdcrap.com: On this past Christmas Day, three hunters came across a young lady lying in the weeds next to a cardboard/wooden pallet contraption that beared a…
  • 12/24 - Yes, Virginia (by Spamrider)
    A little kid came up to me today and asked me why Santa Claus always brings the rich kids nicer presents at Christmas than the poor kids. I just told…
  • 12/22 - Streamline Christmass and Save Money! (by Bob Senitram)
    Here it is, Dec 22nd already and if you’re sitting there reading this with no cards sent and no gifts purchased, don’t worry! I have just the thing. I was…
  • 12/21 - Optimists And Pessimists (by Spamrider)
    There are some people who always automatically choose to see the glass as half full. And there are some people who always automatically choose to see the glass as half…
  • 12/20 - A Christmas Miracle!!! (by Melissa Paternik)
    I was very depressed the last few days. I couldn’t help but wonder why some of the girls I work with get such nice stuff like virtually rust free Festiva’s…
  • 12/17 - Merry Fucking Feelgood Season! (by Spamrider)
    Or whatever you personally may call it. Sometimes I hear people say that all the problems in this world stem from overpopulation. But I take issue with this. The problem…
  • 12/16 - Just In Time For The Holidays…….ANGER! (by Stephen Johnson)
    So angry right now! It’s not that my plan to fill all of Bob’s underpants with talcum powder so that when he’s in court and farts a bit of the…
  • 12/15 - It’s the most Christmass-y Time of the Year! (by Bob Senitram)
    Merry Christmas, it’s the most Christmas-y time of the year! And for folks who don’t celebrate Christmas, Happy Holidays! You don’t have to be Chirstian to celebrate Christmas. It was…
  • 12/13 - Baby Pictures? (by Melissa Paternik)
    I got my baby pictures back and they’re not what I expected. The guy that took the pictures told me that they take a long time to develop so he…
  • 12/10 - Becoming a Time Traveller (by Spamrider)
    A lot of people have been writing in asking me about how it was that I ever decided to become a time traveller in the first place. Actually nobody has…
  • 12/09 - There’s A Problem, Of Course There Is! (by Stephen Johnson)
    Oh, boy! Sometimes things don’t go exactly as planned. Wires must have been crossed since it’s not Russel Crowe that’s interested in playing the pube, but some guy with the…
  • 12/08 - Bob’s Top Ten, Pretty-Sure to Work, Pick-up Lines (by Bob Senitram)
    This week I present pick-up lines thanks to Jason who asks: “Hey Bob, how do I meet women?” Dear Jason: I really don’t know because I’ve been married for 25…
  • 12/07 - I Never Will Understand Some People! (by Spamrider)
    So I’m visiting this guy the other day, and he says to me, “Me casa es su casa!” “Awesome!” I said, “I’ll bet I can get $250 grand for this…
  • 12/06 - Baby Pictures…From inside my belly!!! (by Melissa Paternik)
    I went out and had some pictures taken of the baby in my belly!! I got a great deal from a customer from the bar. When I told him that…
  • 12/03 - The Future’s So Bright… (by Spamrider)
    (This Spamrider of the Apocalypse entry arrived in my clothes hamper dated May 31, 2047.  -Bob) …That it actually burns you alive if you step out of your cave. I…
  • 12/02 - This Is What Happens (Don’t Tell Bob!) (by Stephen Johnson)
    Some of you just might be thinking…… “Well, Bob’s smart, right? If he represents himself in court, he’ll most surely win because he’s…..smart?” I could see why some of you…
  • 12/01 - The Joys of Parenting (by Bob Senitram)
    I’ve been writing about my dim witted, drunken antics for about 20 years now. Although, I still drink, I no longer get falling down drunk like in my younger days.…
  • 11/30 - Secret Identities (by Spamrider)
    [Writer’s Note: Since my original column this week seems to have gotten pre-empted by another one which I had written earlier (well…actually…later) suddenly arriving from The Future, I am going…
  • 11/29 - My Thanksgiving Present! (by Melissa Paternik)
    I got a present at work on Thanksgiving!! It was a fairly slow day at the bar, what with everyone celebrating the holiday with their families, but since I am…
  • 11/26 - Farewell To The Future (by Spamrider)
    (This Spamrider of the Apocalypse entry recently mysteriously arrived in my toilet dated August 8, 2047. -Bob) I’ve decided to return to The Past (formerly and soon again to be The…
  • 11/24 - My First Day At My NEW JOB!!! (by Bob Senitram)
    I failed to tell you about my new job last week. So, here’s what went down after I got hired! Like I said before, I didn’t want no jive job.…
  • 11/22 - My New Bundle of Alien Joy!!! (by Melissa Paternik)
    There must be some sort of bug going around because I found out that I’m pregnant too!!! When I went to a doctor last week, he ran a few tests…
  • 11/19 - Schmelnoz the Incomprehensible (by Spamrider)
    “Everything that is incomprehensible does not cease to exist.” -Blaise Pascal, Pensées My friend Schmelnoz the Incomprehensible is so cool that I thought I’d just dedicate an entire entry to…
  • 11/18 - I Hit Back! (by Stephen Johnson)
    Shhhhhh…….don’t tell Bob. Seems like there’s a lot of interest in the pubic hair story. Word going around is Russell Crowe is very interested in playing the pube. Should be…
  • 11/17 - The New Job – Part None (by Bob Senitram)
    I’m excited to tell you about my first day on the new job, but sadly, I can’t. Instead, I’m going to comment on my fellow columnists. First, Spamrider mentioned that…
  • 11/15 - Getting Ready For Thanksgiving! (by Melissa Paternik)
    I was going to have a contest with the prize being me for Thanksgiving, but I was told that this might be considered illegal by some people. Sorry guys and…
  • 11/12 - Dumb All Over (by Spamrider)
    As the Spamrider of the Apocalypse I know that you all are just dying for me to start talking about everything going on in the Middle East right now, as…
  • 11/11 - Someone Thinks It’s All About Him (by Stephen Johnson)
    So, Bob got wind of that call I had with Hollywood and he was none too pleased. “You went behind my back with this? It was my pubic hair!” “Yeah,…
  • 11/10 - Bob Tries Not To Get A Job! (by Bob Senitram)
    “So why did you apply to the job at Midwest Doctors Incorporated?” I remembered Bel’s advice and decided to jump right into the Jesus this and Lord that…“Well, I went…
  • 11/09 - Writers Strike (by Spamrider)
    So Monday I called Bob up and asked him when I was going to actually get paid for writing this column. “You don’t get paid,” he said. “We don’t pay…
  • 11/08 - Ralph and Law Enforcement! (by Melissa Paternik)
    I guess the law enforcement people think that since Ralph hits me in the stomach daily with a 2X4, I am a victim of spousal abuse. At least that is…
  • 11/05 - The Peremptory Perfunctory Explainer Entry (by Spamrider)
    So you may be wondering about my personal connection to Bob and Steve and how I ever came to be writing this weird crap on their weird crap website in…
  • 11/04 - Hashing Out Story Ideas! (by Stephen Johnson)
    “So you want to make a movie about a talking pubic hair that goes on a rampage and starts killing teens?” “That’s basically it.” “Kills them at a camp?” “No,…
  • 11/03 - Bob Gets A Job! (by Bob Senitram)
    For years, I’ve listening to my wife complain, “We need money for this, and we need money for that…go get a job you bum!” My usual answer is, “Yeah, yeah…in…
  • 11/01 - Poor Ralph! (by Melissa Paternik)
    My poor Ralph has to spend the next 90 days in jail because the stupid judge thought that it would teach him a lesson. I went to court to support…
  • 10/29 - Back From The Future (by Spamrider)
    So I just got back from The Future last week. If you thought regular jetlag was bad, let me tell you you haven’t seen nothing. I just slept for 72…
  • 10/28 - New Opus? (by Stephen Johnson)
    “Seriously?” I asked. “Hollywood has nothing new to offer so they want to make a movie about a rogue pubic hair?” “Not only that, but you need to check this…
  • 10/27 - Job Hunting… (by Bob Senitram)
    This week I decided to go job hunting and… WE INTERRUPT THIS COLUMN TO BRING YOU AN IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT! GREAT NEWS!!! I get several emails a week asking, “what about…
  • 10/25 - My Bloat – Myself (by Melissa Paternik)
    One of the worst problems to have, especially if you’re a go-go dancer, is that bloated feeling from water retention. Whenever that happens, it can make for quite an uncomfortable…
  • 10/21 - Done Pummelin’! (by Stephen Johnson)
    I scooped up a chunk vomit from the welcome mat and threw it in Bob’s face. “Yummy,” he said as he forced his way in. “So, what’s this all about?”…
  • 10/20 - The horror! (by Bob Senitram)
    And now, for Halloween, several scarry, horror stories to tell in the Dark! The following is a series of stories submitted years ago to TheWeirdcrap.com. Each was submitted weeks apart…
  • 10/18 - Phone Sex? (by Melissa Paternik)
    Note: Due to the writer’s strike, we are posting some of Melissa’s favorite columns, including this phone sex deal-e-o! I was going to offer some more tips today, but I…
  • 10/14 - No Pummelin’! (by Stephen Johnson)
    I had no idea what the deal was with the pen and paper. “This is getting old. Now what do you want?” I asked. “Oh, you know,” he replied while…
  • 10/13 - The Horror… (by Bob Senitram)
    Just in time for Halloween, I made a life changing discovery! Well, maybe not life changing…maybe a life altering discovery! Well, maybe not life altering…but it was a discovery! In…
  • 10/11 - The Best of Melissa… (by Melissa Paternik)
    Note from the Editor: Our writers vowed to go on strike after the real writers were done with their strike. This makes no sense, and we have no idea why…
  • 10/07 - Even Less Pummelin’! (by Stephen Johnson)
    I could tell the the barracuda was quite angry by the way it thrashed around. “Jeez, what do you want now?” I asked. “Oh, you know,” he replied while trying…
  • 10/06 - Adventures in Telemarketing Part 78! (by Bob Senitram)
    So how and why did this telemarketing craze get started anyways? The whole telemarketing industry got started as a vehicle to fund the development of the J.S.L.P. (The Jewish Space…
  • 10/04 - A Touching Email… (by Melissa Paternik)
    I received a lovely email from Phil that is so touching: “hey melissa, you kin cum live with me sweety i’ll give you a spot right between me my sister…
  • 10/01 - Less Pummelin’! (by Stephen Johnson)
    That barrel of kittens was positively cute. “What do you want now?” I asked with no feeling whatsoever. “Oh, you know,” he replied brandishing the barrel in a gentle yet…
  • 09/29 - Adventures in Telemarketing Part III? (by Bob Senitram)
    Last week I shared some ways to have fun with telemarketers. These days, you’ll only get questionnaires and scams. But back in the day, folks would call about long-distance carriers,…
  • 09/27 - Job Hunting! (by Melissa Paternik)
    Job hunting is so hard! I have spent the last week filling out applications everywhere imaginable, but I finally found a great way to make money!!! At least the job…
  • 09/23 - More Pummelin’! (by Stephen Johnson)
    Those boomerangs were suggestively sharpened. “W-w-w-w-w-w-hat do you want?” I asked with tonally abject fear. “Oh, you know,” he replied brandishing those boomerangs in a stunningly objective way. Suddenly there…
  • 09/22 - Adventures in Telemarketing Part II (by Bob Senitram)
    Who am I kidding, there’s not much adventure in telemarketing. Last week, the excerpt from the ask bob column got removed from Instagram and Threads. We’re also on Twitter or…
  • 09/20 - I’m back!!! (by Melissa Paternik)
    I’m back again! I need to clear up some of the misinformation that has been written about me the last two weeks: A) I was in jail, but I never…
  • 09/17 - Pummelin’! (by Stephen Johnson)
    Those butter knives were positively gleaming. “W-w-w-w-w-w-hat do you want?” I asked with totally abject fear. “Oh, you know,” he replied brandishing those knives in a brutally obtuse way. Suddenly…
  • 09/15 - Adventures in Telemarketing Part I (by Bob Senitram)
    Dan Writes: I got a phone call about a policeman’s ball. Should I buy one? Dear Dan: You can if you want too, but don’t expect much. A long time…
  • 09/13 - A Fugitive From Justice (by Melissa Paternik)
    Here’s the latest update on Melissa, fugitive from justice, go-go dancer and all-around woman of the world: We hired some cheap investigators to track down Melissa. What they have reported…
  • 09/10 - Transplantin’! (by Stephen Johnson)
    The year was 1971. I had just seen a documentary film in a local theater that got me to thinking about stuff that I could file away for future use.…
  • 09/08 - Whole Lotta Poops Goin On… (by Bob Senitram)
    Sandy writes:Hi Bob! I have this problem I hope you can help me with. My husband, Steve, has the smelliest poops ever known to man! Sometimes the smell just floats…
  • 09/06 - Finally Out? (by Melissa Paternik)
    We are sorry to inform those who look forward to Melissa’s words of wisdom every week that she is missing. We were told by prison authorities that she had escaped…
  • 09/02 - I Fess Up! (by Stephen Johnson)
    If you read Bob’s latest (and who does), he mentions us going someplace in Illinois to check out a water tower where I came up with the brilliant idea to…
  • 09/01 - What In The World Is BHB? (by Bob Senitram)
    June asks: Hey Bob, what’s a bullum-head? I overheard a girl on the train say, “Sure, he’s a nice guy…but that bullum-head. I just can’t get past that!” WHAT IS…
  • 08/30 - I Should be Free Soon! (by Melissa Paternik)
    I should be a free woman, but I’m still in jail!!! I tried to keep a low profile and I was even allowed to get a prison job cleaning and…
  • 08/26 - I’m Not Gone (Or Daid) (by Stephen Johnson)
    Hello! Stephen here. Yes, I’m alive. I took the week off from writing a column since there was something I needed to take care of. Less than 15 minutes after…
  • 08/25 - Stephen’s Gone! (by Bob Senitram)
    Sad to report Stephen’s gone! I won’t be answering any emails today because of this grave situation that will affect each and every one of us. I am talking about…
  • 08/23 - Still in Jail! (by Melissa Paternik)
    I’m still in jail!! I was only supposed to be in for a week, but my stay was extended because I was in a fight the first day I was…
  • 08/18 - Bob Gives Thanks! (by Bob Senitram)
    I would like to thank everyone for visiting our website and submitting questions! Once we rebranded in 2021, I was a little unsure about our resurgence…but traffic has been pretty…
  • 08/16 - A Little Bit Angry! (by Melissa Paternik)
    I am a little bit angry right now!! Instead of going on vacation, I am going to have to spend a week in jail because I killed someone!!! I didn’t…
  • 08/13 - RIP Jerome (by Stephen Johnson)
    It is with a heavy heart that we share the rather amusing news of Jerome’s sudden and tragically comic passing. We have plenty of words to express the bearable loss…
  • 08/11 - A Burning Question, Answered! (by Bob Senitram)
    Lolla-pa-looza asks:Bob – How can you tell if its ok to eat leftovers? Dear Lolla-pa-looza, if that is your real name, This is a problem I’ve struggled with for years.…
  • 08/09 - I AM VERY ANGRY!!! (by Melissa Paternik)
    I am very angry!!! Even though I let myself be probed by some aliens, nobody has been in contact with me to tell my story to people worldwide. I thought…
  • 08/05 - Testing Paused! (by Stephen Johnson)
    Had to take a slight pause on my money-making venture. Since I didn’t want to do what Jerome requested, he went ahead and did it himself. Now, because he doesn’t…
  • 08/04 - So Why Does Bob HAVE To Vote Trump? (by Bob Senitram)
    This column won’t make any sense unless you read last week’s column first, “Bob Commits Votes for Trump…AGAIN!!!“ “So, what’s the deal?” Bel asks. “Well, back in 2016 Trump had…
  • 08/02 - My Cookies Are a Big Hit! (by Melissa Paternik)
    I still haven’t received any calls from the newspapers about my alien abduction, but I’m sure they’re going to come!! In the meantime, I’ve been having lots of fun!! I…
  • 07/29 - The First Test (by Stephen Johnson)
    Before that idea from last week starts churning out the $$$, testing needs to be done. In comes Jerome!!!! I just had to give him a call, mention Ho Hos…
  • 07/28 - Bob Votes for Trump…AGAIN!!! (by Bob Senitram)
    “ARE…YOU…INSANE…” Bel counters. “Trump has been nothing but trouble since day one…who in thier right mind wants that again…” “I gotta. Besides, folks like us need to stick together, you…
  • 07/26 - The Most Incredible Week! (by Melissa Paternik)
    Hello, I’m back!!!! I just experienced the most incredible week of my life!!! I am a bit shook up about it and it was an experience I will never, ever…
  • 07/22 - I…..Have…..An……Idea Again! (by Stephen Johnson)
    This will make some serious money! All we’ll need is a bus, a case or two of Ho Hos and the quickest route to Philadelphia. We’ll drive around Philly until…
  • 07/21 - Bob Turns to Bel for Help (by Bob Senitram)
    Following Stephen’s advice, I sought out Bel for help on how to make money to pay for a “Bat-Guy” to get rid of bats in our attic. Bel was in…
  • 07/19 - Gone Missing? (by Melissa Paternik)
    You might be expecting something from my wife, but she’s missing. I didn’t notice that she was gone until I started to get hungry and discovered that she had been…
  • 07/15 - I Correct Bob. Again. (by Stephen Johnson)
    Good ole Bob! Getting something I said completely wrong. AGAIN! If you read his last column, he claims I said this: “Buy a gun and commit crimes. I heard there’s…
  • 07/14 - 4TH OF JULY! (by Bob Senitram)
    I hope all of you had a nice 4th of July, free of drive byes and fingers gettin’ blown off. ASK BOB A QUESTION!!! If you didn’t, sorry about the…
  • 07/12 - Dear Melissa, Fan Mail! (by Melissa Paternik)
    “Dear Melissa, I have been married for over 7 years. Maybe it’s just me, but I feel that the spark in my marriage is gone. No matter what I do,…
  • 07/07 - See, What Happened Was….. (by Stephen Johnson)
    I missed posting last week…… See, what happened was this: The lady decided she needed to get away from me for awhile so I decided that it would be a…
  • 07/07 - Star Bars Part III: Return of the Jo-Jo (by Bob Senitram)
    In case you missed it, this is part III of the Star Bars story.” Synopsis: Previously, in Star Bars, Lucky meets up with Obla-doo and finds out his droid has…
  • 07/05 - Forget What I said…Tapeworms!!! (by Melissa Paternik)
    Poor Ralph!! He had a tapeworm that made him so uncomfortable, that my tip for this week is going to be about getting rid of tapeworms instead of what I…
  • 06/30 - Star Bars – Lucky Strikes Back! (by Bob Senitram)
    Lucky Strike just told Obla-doo he was gonna pop a cap in Darth Garth’s ass… “Lucky, you ain’t doing a God Damn thing” Obla-doo replies. “But he killed my father…”…
  • 06/28 - A Special Surprise! (by Melissa Paternik)
    Good thing our webmaster decided to take a little time off since I promised a special surprise which I wouldn’t have been able to pull off!!! I told Ralph that…
  • 06/24 - I Get These Thoughts……. (by Stephen Johnson)
    “If there’s a writers’ strike, why do I still have to write something every week?” “Because you, dear sir, are NOT a writer!” There were five things I had to…
  • 06/23 - Senitram Summer Road Trip 2023! (by Bob Senitram)
    I put the Star Bars story on hold to tell you all about the Senitram Summer Road Trip 2023! We’re fortunate that we can afford little vacations now and then.…
  • 06/21 - Career Day! (by Melissa Paternik)
    I was very proud that I was able to attend career day at a local school!! At first I was a bit apprehensive since I am a dancer, but I…
  • 06/17 - What Happened At The Verizon Store? (by Stephen Johnson)
    What happened at the Verizon store? Glad you asked. She was pretty mellow on the driver over, but when they told us that they could not change ownership at the…
  • 06/16 - STAR BARS – No Hope (by Bob Senitram)
    I started writing Star Bars because I figured this Star Wars thing really took off over the years, so I would jump on the bandwagon and write my own B-Movie…
  • 06/14 - Wedding Vows! (by Melissa Paternik)
    Ralph and I decided to renew our wedding vows this past weekend!! We have been married for 5 years and have had our share of problems but have been able…
  • 06/10 - Maybe When She Gets Ill? (by Stephen Johnson)
    Would tell you about what happened at the Verizon store, but that will just have to wait. The woman is now fine. Her “episode” lasted until Wednesday of this week…
  • 06/09 - Writer’s Strike?! (by Bob Senitram)
    So the writer’s strike may be coming to an end so we can start watching our favorite late night shows again! They just want more money for writing slightly humorous…
  • 06/07 - The Paint Job! (by Melissa Paternik)
    Ralph and I decided to paint our trailer since it hadn’t been done for the past 10 years. We thought it was going to be such a simple job, but…
  • 06/03 - She Went Insane (by Stephen Johnson)
    The lady of the house went insane watching “Judge Judy” so now we have to go to the Verizon store and switch ownership. Don’t know why she went insane watching…
  • 06/02 - Do I Prey or Pray… (by admin)
    Gene asks, “HEY BOB, DOES LIFE EVER LEAVE YOU THUNDERSTRUCK AND DO YOU PRAY OR DO YOU PREY?” Hey Gene, STOP YELLING AT ME! For me life is awesome, but…
  • 05/31 - Oops, I did it again! (by Melissa Paternik)
    Oops!!! Some people got a bit confused on what I was going to write about this week. I guess it came out sounding like I was going to show off…
  • 05/27 - Now I’m A Fan I Guess? (by Stephen Johnson)
    “I take a seat, it’s a tight fit…….”. That’s pretty funny. It’s not like Bob CAN’T fit nicely into a cat litter box, no matter its size. See, he’s a…
  • 05/26 - Strange Dreams Part III (by Bob Senitram)
    The strange dreams continue: I was going thru my morning rush routine trying to get ready for class. In this dream I was in college, but instead of living in…
  • 05/24 - Head Cleaning… (by Melissa Paternik)
    Oh boy, did I ever make a big mistake!! It seems that a lot of people, like Jim N., are confused about what I meant when I said I was…
  • 05/20 - Long Movies Are Great! (by Stephen Johnson)
    Bob’s in jail! All because of me!! See, Bob wrote a “sitcom” last week and that’s a big no-no because of the strike. Now he’s in writer’s jail! Some people…
  • 05/19 - Me And My Old-Lady… (by Bob Senitram)
    Last week I intended to write about a friendly visit by an Alien… Well, I got sidetracked when I started to describe some of my re-occurring dreams. The most prominent…
  • 05/17 - Ok To Be Spanked? (by Melissa Paternik)
    I received a wonderful email from Marissa, regarding my marriage to Ralph, my wonderful husband!! I think Marissa was a bit concerned because Ralph has a tendency to spring surprise…
  • 05/13 - Watched Two More (by Stephen Johnson)
    Lost the use of arms for a bit this past week, so decided to watch “Rocky 3” and “Rocky Vs. Drago” even though I still had most of my face…
  • 05/12 - Strange Dreams (by Bob Senitram)
    In my younger days I wasn’t as clean cut and conservative as I am today. So after a lifetime abusing drugs and alcohol, my brain is like a block of…
  • 05/10 - Quality Time! (by Melissa Paternik)
    Ralph has been promising me some quality time and it finally happened!!! This past Sunday morning, I came home from a full night of work. Sunday is the day that…
  • 05/06 - Movies That Make Me Cry (by Stephen Johnson)
    I was playing around with the chip app this past week, forcing Bob to watch only news channels and then I fell asleep. When I woke up around 2 pm,…
  • 05/05 - It’s Moooiy-da, I tell you!!! (by Bob Senitram)
    You probably don’t recall, so I’ll tell you, two years ago Fox New was prescribed by my doctor to fix my low blood pressure. But then I became irritable because…
  • 05/03 - Likes and Dislikes! (by Melissa Paternik)
    I have received a lot of email regarding the comment I made about lice on the heads of trailer park kids. I didn’t mean to offend anyone, but I was…
  • 04/29 - Did It REALLY Happen Or Was It…………The Chip App??!! (by Stephen Johnson)
    If you read Bob’s last post (and why wouldn’t you?), you can see that the chip in his head is working just fine! He never fell down a sump pump…
  • 04/28 - What Really-Really-Really Happened!!!! (by Bob Senitram)
    Please note the superior level of explanation points used in the title of this column. That and only that displays my resolve to tell this nail-biting story! As I mentioned…
  • 04/26 - My Blackouts! (by Melissa Paternik)
    Since I do work in a go-go bar, a lot of the patrons ask me what it takes to get me drunk. I can tell you truthfully, it doesn’t take…
  • 04/22 - Rescued!!! What Really Happened! (by Stephen Johnson)
    Go ahead and read Bob’s last post, “Rescued!!!” Now I’m going to tell you about my little secret or two from that night. This was the night that Bob told…
  • 04/21 - Rescued!!! (by Bob Senitram)
    It turns out, that Stephen read last week’s column and decided to take action! This would be the second time he saved my life. Don’t get me wrong, Stephens quite…
  • 04/19 - Sewing Tips? (by Melissa Paternik)
    I was supposed to talk about sewing tips but too be quite truthful, I am not that good with needles and thread. I once had to fix a pair of…
  • 04/15 - Charlie Is Brilliant! (by Stephen Johnson)
    Let’s see…. A zebra punched someone.A train exploded.Apparently, Mario went there about two weeks ago. Charlie is obviously onto something here, something that Bob JUST DOESN’T GET. It’s an extended…
  • 04/13 - Finally I get to Answering Emails! (by Bob Senitram)
    Before I answer emails, I would like to mention my current state of affairs. As I mentioned a few weeks ago, TheWeirdcrap.com was sold to a rich investor who refused…
  • 04/12 - Time to Talk Gardening! (by Melissa Paternik)
    Spring is here and it’s time for me to talk gardening!! For many years, Ralph and I have tried hard to cultivate a garden in back of our trailer. Since…
  • 04/08 - Ohio Crap (by Bob Senitram)
    We got a short-short-short story submitted a few weeks ago called “Ohio Crap”. Well, I’m sorry to say, it just didn’t cut the cake to get posted with the Alarmingly…
  • 04/08 - The Fizzlewhite Contradiction (by Stephen Johnson)
    “Why?” I sometimes ask myself as I look at the kitchen window. It’s just a mailbox. Everyone else on our street has a mailbox. I don’t see it happening to…
  • 04/05 - Pimples to Go-Go! (by Melissa Paternik)
    One of the worst things that can happen if, like me, you are in the go-go dancing profession is the unsightly pimple. I can’t tell you how many times I…
  • 04/01 - Hippies Coke Bottles and the Long Arm of the Law (by Bob Senitram)
    This is from a couple of years ago… I liked the idea but decided to change a few things. I think I still had the Covid brain fog when originally…
  • 04/01 - Feral Kids? (by Stephen Johnson)
    Yes, I did go on a visit last week. I had to see why this site suddenly got an influx of new visitors during the last few weeks. Part of…
  • 03/29 - They Want Pictures of my Ass! (by Melissa Paternik)
    I received an email from “hoeve” which stated that they like bunnies. Not just bunnies as a whole, but specific parts of the bunny. I like bunnies too and think…
  • 03/25 - People Make Me Sick! (by Bob Senitram)
    Last week Stephen Johnson, decided to grace TheWeirdcrap.com headquarters with his presence… WE INTERRUPT THE REGULAR PROGRAM TO BRING YOU THIS IMPORTANT MESSAGE: 20 years ago, Randy Bone submitted one…
  • 03/25 - Speakers And Moist, Moist, Moist (by Stephen Johnson)
    The speakers attached to my computer decided not to work this morning. This frustrated me so much so that I went to to the kitchen just so I could stare…
  • 03/22 - The First Time! (by Melissa Paternik)
    I received a nice letter recently from a concerned mom in Kansas. She wrote that her son was 18 and was considering having sex for the very first time. The…
  • 03/18 - Nursery Rhymes For New Parents! (by Bob Senitram)
    Parenting is hard work, there’s planes to catch and bills to pay and you still have to find time to learn those kids! So, for all you new parents, I…
  • 03/18 - Musings Part 202 (by Stephen Johnson)
    “Need to close program” in order for it to update. But it IS closed. Eh, I’ll just exclude it. No big deal. What’s could possibly go wrong? Last year I…
  • 03/15 - Easter is On its Way! (by Melissa Paternik)
    Since Easter is only a few weeks away, I figured that this would be the perfect time for some Easter tips!!! I personally think that one of the worst things…
  • 03/11 - She Gets Hungriest at Night… (by Bob Senitram)
    This week, Stephen explains what happened to Chuck Cunningham, Opy Cunninghams older brother who disappeared in the first season! Speaking of columns on TheWeirdcrap.com, if you want to write a…
  • 03/11 - What DID Happen To Chuck Cunningham? (The Answer Might Surprise You) (by Stephen Johnson)
    Nope, Chuck Cunningham never did go to Minnesota State, but he did join the USAF and was killed by his woman friend because he was afraid of snakes. “Happy Days”…
  • 03/08 - Together Again! (by Melissa Paternik)
    Well, since I couldn’t sell Dana, it seemed like a good idea to get him a job at a Nebraska meat packing plant where he could meet other kids and…
  • 03/04 - Winter Road Trip Part II (by Bob Senitram)
    Last week I shared how google decided to drive us right into the eye of a winter storm on the way to Minneapolis. We got to the hotel which was…
  • 03/04 - We Got Snow! (by Stephen Johnson)
    We got around 8.5 inches of snow yesterday afternoon/evening. It was the really wet & heavy stuff so it was really fun taking care of it this morning. Don’t believe…
  • 03/01 - No Use Anymore… (by Melissa Paternik)
    When you have something that is of no use anymore, you sometimes try to sell it in order to make some money. Well, I figured that I had no more…
  • 02/25 - The Winter Roadtrip 2023 (by Bob Senitram)
    After a nice hard winter, the ol’ lady decided that a winter road trip would be fun. She had some out of state work, so we decided to pack up…
  • 02/25 - About The Dance For Safety (by Stephen Johnson)
    I might have mentioned this years ago in one of my other “blogs”, but I think it’s time for a reiteration! If you’re at a party or a gathering and…
  • 02/22 - What to do with Dana? (by Melissa Paternik)
    Well, Dana hasn’t run away or died yet, so I am still without a job. I guess it’s okay though since my breasts are seriously deformed from all the breast…
  • 02/18 - The Meaning of Life (by Bob Senitram)
    Michael asks:My names Michael and I feel it has been impossible to find my meaning. I have classified myself and a “wondering wonderer”, also known as a drifter. So now…
  • 02/18 - Live Or AI? (by Stephen Johnson)
    I’ve been thinking that taking the time to come up with thoughts and then turning those thoughts into halfway readable words and ideas for this here site just takes up…
  • 02/15 - Bring Your Kid to Work Day (by Melissa Paternik)
    Looks like I made a huge mistake bringing my baby to work. I think there also might be something seriously wrong with it since it’s now over 5 feet tall…
  • 02/11 - About that Alaska “balloon” (by Bob Senitram)
    You may have read about the air force shooting down that “balloon” in Alaska. But In have to tell the REAL story of what happened out there. As you may…
  • 02/11 - Maybe Looking For A New Car (by Stephen Johnson)
    “Strange Days” was on one of those premium channels a couple days ago. I didn’t watch it since I’m still waiting on my thank you note from the movie company.…
  • 02/04 - Bobs Guide on How to Be Human (by Bob Senitram)
    With all the violence in society these days, I got to thinkin’, people need some rules that they can follow without all the confusion of congressional legislation. Of course, we…
  • 02/04 - About That Balloon! (by Stephen Johnson)
    About that balloon….. Okay, I really have nothing to say about that balloon. Just know that it was shot down and that it was pretty big and that it will…
  • 01/29 - My Growing Baby! (by Melissa Paternik)
    Well, my baby has grown to almost 4 feet tall!!! It’s amazing how much it’s grown in only two short weeks!! I don’t know if it’s because of the breast…
  • 01/28 - Proofread??!! (by Stephen Johnson)
    “We knew that a that a star had been discovered…..” Yep, I let that one slide by in my last column. Maybe I was so happy that the “T” works…
  • 01/21 - Why Dogs Eat Poo – Part VI (by Bob Senitram)
    I get in the elevator and my guide hits a few buttons and it feels like we’re going down. “Are we in an elevator?” I ask. “Sure.” The guide responds.…
  • 01/21 - The Day A New Star Was Discovered (by Stephen Johnson)
    For some reason, I remember 10/6/95 quite vividly. Well, there really is a reason why and I’m going to tell you about it with the following typed words! Just another…
  • 01/14 - The History of Our Planet Part V (by Bob Senitram)
    About 2 months ago, I set out to explain why dogs eat their own poo. Well, I’ll get to it. I just got sidetracked, and explaining how I came to…
  • 01/14 - I Finally Did It! (by Stephen Johnson)
    I know most of you have been waiting for THE BIG NEWS. It’s been going on for awhile now and some of you have even been sitting on the edge…
  • 01/07 - I Had a Baby! (by Melissa Paternik)
    Yes it’s true, I gave birth last week!! On Christmas day I gave birth to a beautiful 33 lb 7 oz baby boy. The actual birth wasn’t as bad as…
  • 01/07 - This Might Sound Familiar (by Stephen Johnson)
    Huh. Didn’t know we were required to write our columns even during the holiday season. Just found that out, but it really makes no difference since I had a very…
  • 12/31 - The 2023 Annual Predictions! (by Bob Senitram)
    I decided to revitalize the Yearly Predictions, started decades ago. So far, none of my predictions have come true. But I figure if I keep swinging, eventually I’ll hit a…
  • 12/24 - My Birthday/Xmas Special (by Bob Senitram)
    I interrupt my special 10-part episode of explaining why dogs eat poo to present this special holiday column. You see my birthday falls on the day that writers for TheWeirdcrap.com…
  • 12/17 - History of the Dog Planet Part IV (by Bob Senitram)
    Well, a month ago I set out to explain why some dogs eat their own poo and we ended up with a history of Earth. If your not up to…
  • 12/17 - I Guess This Is About Movies? (by Stephen Johnson)
    I kind of read Bob’s last post and it reminded me of something….. No, not how he ripped off “Planet Of The Apes”. (By the way, I still haven’t replaced…
  • 12/10 - History of the Earth Part III (by Bob Senitram)
    Last week, I got to witness the first slim, silver, almond eyed Earthlings as they exited the planet before it was consumed by meteors and reduced to a molten rock…
  • 12/10 - I’ve Been Fined! (by Stephen Johnson)
    No, I sure didn’t meet my word quota last week. What’s even worse is that I took time off the previous week, so corporate expected me to submit something last…
  • 12/04 - Just Another Day (by Bob Senitram)
    Well, I spent hours this week on my story about the History of the Earth to help explain why dogs eat their own poo. But I didn’t like the direction…
  • 12/03 - An Update (by Stephen Johnson)
    Just to update you on my birthday week menu, everything worked out until Friday. I didn’t have what I listed, had Subway instead as well as Cheez-Its. Saturday none of…
  • 11/26 - History of the Earth Part II (by Bob Senitram)
    Last week the magical entity that appeared offered to provide me with the history of the Earth. You can Ask Bob a Question… So I said ok. He had me…
  • 11/20 - The History of Earth, Part I (by Bob Senitram)
    In answering last weeks question, “Why do dogs eat shit,” I find it necessary to provide the history of our planet in order to get to the bottom of it…
  • 11/19 - What I Shall Eat During My Birthday Week (by Stephen Johnson)
    It’s strange…. There’s quite a few people out there that want to know what I’m going to eat during my birthday week. I can’ let hem down, so here goes!…
  • 11/13 - Ask Bob is now an AWARD WINNING COLUMN!!! (by Bob Senitram)
    I would like to proudly announce the management of TheWeirdcrap.com has awarded the Ask Bob column a prestigious award. I am now the recipient of the “Flying Fickle Finger of…
  • 11/12 - I Muse (by Stephen Johnson)
    Talking about leaves as Bob did, I just use a lawnmower. That way, I don’t have to pick up anything. Just proves that he knows nothing so you might as…
  • 11/05 - I Have A Sad Story To Tell You (by Bob Senitram)
    I have a sad story to tell you. But first, remember you can ASK BOB any question you want…I have a degree in S-C-I-E-N-C-E. As Autumn ends, my two month…
  • 11/05 - Wait…Bob Watches Ads? (by Stephen Johnson)
    Reading Bob’s last post, I was struck by something. It was a hot pot of tea that my lady threw at me because I forgot to take out the garbage.…
  • 10/29 - Fiction, Covid, and Midterms…Oh, my! (by Bob Senitram)
    Before I get started, I want to mention the new system we have for submitting short stories. If your like me and you just write stuff for the hell of…
  • 10/29 - My Halloween Gift To You (That Took A Really, Really Long Time To Do) (by Stephen Johnson)
    All work and no play makes Stephen a dull boy. All work and no play makes Stephen a dull boy. All work and no play makes Stephen a dull boy.…
  • 10/22 - A Very Scary Senitram Special (by Bob Senitram)
    So I’m no more that 10 years old when I went downstairs after I finished my homework to hear my father talking to our Priest. Father: I was at the…
  • 10/22 - We Got A New Garage Door Opener!!! (by Stephen Johnson)
    The garage door guy had no idea why the light on the garage door opener kept blinking. He even called around to find out what was going on, but nobody…
  • 10/15 - What Ever Happened to Melissa? (by Melissa Paternik)
    Here’s the latest update on Melissa, fugitive from justice, go-go dancer and all around slut: We hired some cheap investigators to track down Melissa. What they have reported to us…
  • 10/15 - What Else You Should Know That Management Forgot (by Stephen Johnson)
    In Bob’s post from 10/9, management decided to crack down on his shenanigans. However, they did not mention one of the most important tidbits of info that everyone MUST know.…
  • 10/09 - Read The Fine Print… (by Bob Senitram)
    New and Improved disclaimer from the Editor: It has come to the attention of the staff and management of TheWeirdcrap.com that Bob Senitram has been handing out unwise and somewhat…
  • 10/08 - My Latest Haircut (by Stephen Johnson)
    I got one of those haircut things this weekend. Went to my hairdresser who works out of her home. Drove over there and got there in good time since traffic…
  • 10/02 - Much Ado About Nothing… (by Bob Senitram)
    The whole weekend went by and I just realized I never wrote a column this week. I was going to write about a game show staring Samuel A. Jackson, but…
  • 10/01 - Why I Didn’t Post Anything Last Week (by Stephen Johnson)
    Got an email from corporate last week wondering why I didn’t post anything. So, I pulled the ole Luther card with an “I’ve been busy!” I even mentioned the name…
  • 09/24 - Sunflowers and The Mutha-Fucka (by Bob Senitram)
    This weeks visitor mail included mutha-fucka’s and sunflowers!Ask Bob a question here. From Cindy, “Hey Bob! This weeks visitor mail included mutha-fucka’s and sunflowers!Ask Bob a question here. From Cindy,…
  • 09/17 - The All Night DJ at WJAZ (by Bob Senitram)
    Before I tell you about my all night DJ gig, I must remind you to Ask Bob a question. I have a degree in SCIENCE! So as I had mentioned…
  • 09/17 - All Because Of A Doll? (by Stephen Johnson)
    I don’t know where the darn doll is! Seems that since the Queen is dead, a certain Madame Alexander doll is selling for quite a high price. Also seems that…
  • 09/11 - I Was A Teenage DJ: The Wrath of Marge (by Bob Senitram)
    There I was, a teenage DJ working part time at a religious radio station. I did a weekend shift and in the summer I worked evenings. The pay would be…
  • 09/10 - The Real DJ Story (by Stephen Johnson)
    Bob’s latest columns are all about lies. Considering his age, disco wasn’t even a thing when he was in high school. Neither was funk. Nope. He basically stole the story…
  • 09/03 - The High School DJ (by Bob Senitram)
    In the last Ask Bob I explained my unlikely introduction into radio broadcasting, so we’ll just keep going. P.S. You can Ask Bob a question, lately I only get spam…
  • 09/03 - Labor Day Weekend Post! (by Stephen Johnson)
    Since it’s Labor Day weekend, I technically don’t have to write anything since it’s a holiday. So I won’t. But you still read it, you fool! Share on Facebook Tweet…
  • 08/27 - My First Radio Job (by Bob Senitram)
    About 65 years ago I was in a Broadcast Radio Class at a Technical High School in my hometown of good ol’ Omaha, Nebraska. In Nebraska, this was new state…
  • 08/27 - We Have Too Many Ladders (by Stephen Johnson)
    As I sat in garage pondering life and other stuff, I noticed that we have too many ladders. We once had four. Two small ones and two large ones. I…
  • 08/21 - My Beef With Bob… (by Melissa Paternik)
    I am very upset with Bob!! He claims that I said that he owes me money for performing sexual favors on him during our Christmas party last year. This is…
  • 08/20 - Musings And Jerome (by Stephen Johnson)
    There are probably people wondering about Jerome and why all that stuff happened. I just need to make it very clear that Jerome was not forced into anything. Never has…
  • 08/14 - Can you vomit up your own poo? (by Bob Senitram)
    The vomiting poo question was sent a few weeks ago, and now 3 weeks later I still haven’t answered! So if we get a few more folks Asking Bob a…
  • 08/13 - Ad Free Version This Week (by Stephen Johnson)
    Well, that didn’t last long. Corporate wasn’t too happy with my ad placements and “tone”. For now all ads have been yanked from me which is really upsetting since I…
  • 08/06 - How Much Vomit Would A Person Vomit If A…Oh Forget It! (by Bob Senitram)
    Yoyo asks:If I vomit a lot will I eventually vomit up my own poo? And if so, where will it end? This had to be scientifically tested. I got the…
  • 08/06 - An Amendunum (Made Up Word!) (by Stephen Johnson)
    Wow. Some online help ya sites are just mean. Guess I didn’t follow their strict rules last week so we didn’t get paid. This reminds me when “Crocodile Dundee” came…
  • 07/31 - Go On Now…GIT! (by Bob Senitram)
    An email from Tony: Ldkfjg\#%$9473&rmsrijgdkg525455f;fuslvpesa,cvoes,d* Well Tony, if that is your real name, I take issue with “esa”. I just don’t think that kind of language is necessary…but, ok. Nice…
  • 07/30 - The Present (by Stephen Johnson)
    Guess I’ll just talk about the present this week. I did remember something from our glorious past earlier this week, but forgot what it was. Must be age catching up…
  • 07/24 - I Try And Save Your Childhood (No Thanks To Bob) (by Stephen Johnson)
    Found a way to make money for this site! Learned it from listening to podcasts, so let us begin. Bob’s latest post is supposedly part two of his ramblings, but…
  • 07/23 - The Towering Inferno Part III or Tragedy Times Two (by Bob Senitram)
    Remember, you can Ask Bob a question about anything! Last week I described how Omaha was all abuzz about the new 20 story building in Omaha’s mud and brick landscape,…
  • 07/17 - I Gots Lotsa Screens (by Stephen Johnson)
    Instead of defending poppa and how he made Omaha the “city” it is today, I must take the time to talk to a person or two. Hey, guys (or gals).…
  • 07/10 - The Towing Inferno Part Two – THE BUILDING (by Bob Senitram)
    Before I get to that towering inferno stuff, last week, I was explaining what I was doing in “THE BUILDING” when Stephen caught fire to it. But before that, remember…
  • 07/09 - I Ruin Bob’s Starla Story (Because I Can) (by Stephen Johnson)
    I want to ruin Bob’s story about Starla and tell you what happened to her. It probably won’t ruin his whole story, but the end will most definitely be ruined.…
  • 07/02 - The Towing Inferno Part One, or Bobby Cant Drive Worth Shit (by Bob Senitram)
    Last week, I promised to tell the story of how I ended up in that towering inferno where I first met Stephen. So here it is… It was August of…
  • 06/25 - Now You’ll Know Where George Got His Idea (by Stephen Johnson)
    Skim Bob’s column about how we met and you’ll notice something strange yet familiar. Those that have swell reading retention might notice that a certain motion picture from the 80’s…
  • 06/24 - Whats All This About Overturning Elections? (by Bob Senitram)
    With all the talk about a “certain someone” overturning elections, I thought this column written last year would be relevant. It not only includes the 2020 election cover-up, but also…
  • 06/20 - Wedding Vows! (by Melissa Paternik)
    Ralph and I decided to renew our wedding vows this past weekend!! We have been married for 5 years and have had our share of problems but have been able…
  • 06/18 - Kids These Days. Sheesh! (by Stephen Johnson)
    This past Tuesday a couple kids decided to sell lemonade at the end of their driveway which just so happened to be directly across the street from me. You know,m…
  • 06/13 - Senitram Road Trip 2022 : Part Two (by Bob Senitram)
    In the Senitram road trip part one, I explained how we traveled across the country to visit my homestate of good ‘ol Nebraska. I’m from Omaha, but we kept going…
  • 06/12 - Baking Lasagna And Wasting Our Time (by Stephen Johnson)
    I’m currently baking lasagna so have time to waste. Yours AND mine! For those wondering, this is NOT made from scratch. If it was, that would mean that I would…
  • 06/05 - The Senitram Road Trip 2022 (by Bob Senitram)
    By Bob Senitram It’s that time of year again where we plan the anual Senitram road trip. Schools out and the ol’ Lady flips thru travel magazines looking for ways…
  • 06/04 - Maybe It Was Me? (by Stephen Johnson)
    I had some interesting things to tell all you folks last week but something happened so I didn’t tell you anything at all. We have a storage shed located somewhere…
  • 05/30 - Cleaning Tips! (by Melissa Paternik)
    by Melissa Paternick Oh boy, did I ever make a big mistake when I last mentioned my cleaning tips!! It seems that a lot of people, like Jim N., are…
  • 05/22 - A Most Rediculous Haircut (by Bob Senitram)
    Before I go on about my haircut, I have to talk about that Facebook and Instagram thing. For those who don’t know, TheWeirdcrap’s Facebook page was hacked last week. I’ve…
  • 05/21 - See? I Wasn’t Lying! (by Stephen Johnson)
    There’s been some people claiming that I’m making up all this stuff about us being in business well before the internet. Luckily for all of you doubters, Bob posted some…
  • 05/15 - Pulling Stuff out of my Ass.. (by Bob Senitram)
    Before I get to that “out of my ass…” stuff, I got a big announcement: In case anyone keeps track, there have been no updates on facebook or instagram for…
  • 05/14 - Let’s Make The Dandelion A Flower And Other Crap (by Stephen Johnson)
    Well, I got around 50 minutes of my life back since two shows that I watch(ed) were cancelled. Can I replace those shows with another show or shows? Sure. But…
  • 05/07 - Thanks, Crest! (by Stephen Johnson)
    Was going to go to the way back machine again but accidentally saw a commercial that really bugged the heck out of me. Basically, it told the story of a…
  • 05/01 - My Drinking Habit… (by Melissa Paternik)
    Since I do work in a go go bar, a lot of the patrons ask me what it takes to get me drunk. I can tell you truthfully, it doesn’t…
  • 04/30 - No Shortages With Coke (by Stephen Johnson)
    In 1986 we finally got a copier! It cost quite a bit of money back then but price didn’t matter to us since we were using the cocaine. We might…
  • 04/24 - BREAKING NEWS!!! World War III is cancelled! (by Bob Senitram)
    Last week Jacob asked: So, is this World War III and the end of the world as we know it? But I talked about masks and toilet paper, and never…
  • 04/23 - We Have New Neighbors! (by Stephen Johnson)
    Didn’t notice until today that we have new neighbors! Should have figured it out when there wasn’t a temporary barricade built in the fall season so any leaves in our…
  • 04/17 - Pandemics, inflation and War…Oh, My! (by Bob Senitram)
    You can ask bob anything you want…I have a degree in SCIENCE! Jacob asks: So, is this World War III and the end of the world as we know it?…
  • 04/16 - Wait! What’s With This New Chick Shit For Chic Chicks? (by Stephen Johnson)
    I just noticed something. Someone is pretending to be Melissa Paternik. Someone has stolen her fine name and has been submitting posts to “Chick Shit For Chic Chicks” claiming to…
  • 04/10 - An Unexpected Visit! (by Melissa Paternik)
    One of the worst things that can happen if, like me, you are in the prostitution/go go dancing profession is the unsightly pimple. I can’t tell you how many times…
  • 04/09 - Somebody Stole My Radio (by Stephen Johnson)
    “Somebody stole my radio.” I found that old chestnut in one of the print versions of TheWeirdcrap! Guess during that time I drank heavily. Seems that I went to a…
  • 04/02 - B Batteries are The Bestest (by Bob Senitram)
    The mysteries of the universe or B Batteries can be unlocked by simply deciding to “Ask Bob” a question. -He has a degree in SCIENCE! – Several weeks ago, I…
  • 04/02 - Recall/No Recall (by Stephen Johnson)
    I don’t recall writing a column about Eggeberg Humptydink back in 1967 as stated by Bob. I also do not remember writing that blurb about Kiss in 1974, also stated…
  • 03/27 - B Batteries are Badder: Bart Blue (by Bob Senitram)
    B Batteries…where are they? This weeks column is finishing up from last week’s question. Feel free to “Ask Bob” a question.-He has a degree in SCIENCE!- Last week I was…
  • 03/26 - A New Email And Some Old Stuff (by Stephen Johnson)
    I got this email regarding my “No X 100” post from 3/19/22. Ahem. “I have no idea what your last post is about…is there a second part that explains it…
  • 03/20 - B Batteries are Badder (by Bob Senitram)
    Here’s an interesting question from Wayne: “Why are there no B batteries?” Remember you can still “Ask Bob” any question you want!-He has a degree in SCIENCE! – When I…
  • 03/19 - No X 100 (by Stephen Johnson)
    No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no…
  • 03/12 - Those Dog Days (by Stephen Johnson)
    Eh. Go ahead and read Bob’s column from 3/7/22. When I saw the first paragraph and a picture was mentioned, I went into full-on panic mode. Thankfully Bob is still…
  • 03/07 - World War III (by Bob Senitram)
    Before we move on to World War III, as Stephen mentioned TheWeirdcrap started long before Al Gore invented the inter-web. I’m still trying to find the first edition. When I…
  • 03/05 - A Trip Down Memory Lane (by Stephen Johnson)
    I remember when The Weirdcrap existed before the internet. Many, MANY years ago this began. We didn’t know what a computer was so we scrawled stuff on paper with crayons…
  • 02/26 - The Jerome Saga Part Whatever: The Quickening (by Stephen Johnson)
    I don’t know what happened, but Jerome laid down some hard truth on me. Seems that if I write about what’s going on with Bob and him, then the whole…
  • 02/25 - My Phone Sex Business (by Melissa Paternik)
    I thought the phone sex business I started was going to make lots of money until my next door neighbor asked me how I would know if the credit card…
  • 02/19 - The Saga of Jerome: Part III; The Reckoning (by Bob Senitram)
    Oh yes, you can ask Bob any question you want. I have a degree in……….SCIENCE! In case you’re wondering about all this Jerome stuff, here are some links to keep…
  • 02/13 - Jerome Doesn’t Want To Live There Anymore (by Stephen Johnson)
    There was another phone call. “Hello?” “Jerome? Again?” “You’ve gotta help me.” “Geez, what now?” “Bob found me after I called you. He took me to his home. Then he…
  • 02/06 - Jerome Doesn’t Live Here Anymore (by Bob Senitram)
    In the last story of Jerome, I picked him up on a corner after receiving a phone call. He was frantically going on about how “They’re out to get him…”…
  • 02/05 - The OTHER Return Of Jerome (by Stephen Johnson)
    It all started with a phone call.“What??!!”“Is this Stephen Johnson?”“Let’s pretend it is. Who’s this?”“It’s Jerome, I need your help. They’re after me!”“Sure, Jerome. Sure they are.”“You gotta come get…
  • 01/30 - The Return of Jerome (by Bob Senitram)
    It all started with a phone ring. “You got the time, I got the time!” “Is this Bob Senitram?” “Sure, who’s this?” “It’s Jerome, I need your help. They’re after…
  • 01/29 - Wait. Did He Mention Jerome? (by Stephen Johnson)
    If you read the latest column from Bob (mostly filled with lies, as usual) and made it to the very, very end, you might have noticed what’s coming next from…
  • 01/23 - Children of the Corn, or Children of the Cornhuskers… (by Bob Senitram)
    On my last trip I was in Nebraska, and I did come across some children that had turned to evil! And as everyone knows all Nebraska children are born cornhuskers…
  • 01/22 - Adventures in Truck Driving Part V: Really Hopeful This Is It Final Boogaloo (by Stephen Johnson)
    Sometimes you forget something. That’s what I did, so hopefully this is truly the last of this nonsense. Forgot that Bob, when getting chased by those children of the corn,…
  • 01/16 - Aliens, Jail and Probes, Oh my… (by Melissa Paternik)
    When I got home early Sunday morning from work, I was surprised when I noticed that Ralph was not home. I called around the trailer park but nobody knew where…
  • 01/15 - Adventures in Truck Driving Part IV: The Really Final Total Insult (by Stephen Johnson)
    There was that one night when I was sleeping, a really nice, deep sleep. Probably the first time in ages I was having a sleep not induced by alcohol. Sleeping…
  • 01/09 - Adventures in Truck Driving Part III: The Final Insult (by Bob Senitram)
    No Means, NO! There were two things I missed the most when I drove over the road every day. First there was beer. No drinking for me when I was…
  • 01/08 - No List, Partial Truck Driving Story Kind Of, Bob’s A Liar (by Stephen Johnson)
    For the last 60 years or so, I’ve done top ten lists for movies, music, tv shows, fashion trends, electronics, fast food, slow food, food and vegetables for the previous…
  • 01/01 - My New Year’s Eve Party (by Melissa Paternik)
    In this edition of Chick Shit for Chic Chicks I would like to tell you about our New Year’s Eve party. Which was quite a success, unlike last year when…
  • 12/27 - Adventures in Truck Driving Part II: A Day Late and a Dollar Short (by Bob Senitram)
    Here’s this week’s “day late and dollar short column” (I didn’t want to do anything during Christmas holiday, but now its two days later…so here you go, more adventures in…
  • 12/19 - Adventures in Truck Driving – Part I (by Bob Senitram)
    With all the distribution problems these days I thought I’d share some of my own missadventures from the 5 years I was in the truck driving industry. The Saga of…
  • 12/12 - My New Job at the Go-Go Bar! (by Melissa Paternik)
    I completed my first full week of work at the go-go bar. I made $27.00 in tips for the whole week, and I think that is pretty darn good. I…
  • 12/11 - Another Short One Since There’s A Mystery Sale! (by Stephen Johnson)
    HA! He had Fox News taken from him. That’s pretty funny. If he was like me, he wouldn’t watch the news. It’s better to not know what’s going on. Then,…
  • 12/05 - She Dropped The Bomb On Me (by Bob Senitram)
    After showing my “New Bible” to my pastor, I was expecting to be treated like Ralphy in “A Christmas Story”. He would be so inspired by my revelation, that he…
  • 12/04 - If You Want To Know, ASK BOB! (by Stephen Johnson)
    Can’t pick on Bob this week since he’s out $300. That would be……..rude? Don’t know why he wouldn’t want to go to jail for a few days though. Watch tv,…
  • 11/21 - My Waterloo… (by Bob Senitram)
    As you may recall, I recently got a ticket and decided not to show up claiming executive privilege. You see, I sent a copy of my ticket to Mar-a-Lago addressed…
  • 11/20 - Sleepy Bob? I Think Not! (by Stephen Johnson)
    So…….. In Bob’s latest (he does one column a MONTH??!!) he claims that people called him “Sleepy Bob” whenever he smoked the marijuana. That’s not true at all. They called…
  • 11/13 - My Thyroid, Myself… (by Bob Senitram)
    I AM OUTRAGED!!! But before I get into that, let me give you a little history… Long ago and far away, in a land that predates TCH laced Gummy Worms,…
  • 11/13 - Breaking The Hacks On The Internet Broken Now How? (by Stephen Johnson)
    Since my Hollywood career is currently at a standstill, my next big thing is to break the internet. I see all these headlines about how so-and-so broke the internet because…
  • 11/06 - Hollarwein is Over… (by Melissa Paternik)
    I received a lovely email from Phil that is so touching: “hey melissa, you kin cum live with me sweety i’ll give you a spot right between me my sister…
  • 11/06 - This Is Going To Be A Waste Of Our Time (by Stephen Johnson)
    Just 27 kids for Halloween this year. It used to be more (even last year), but I guess it’s either a thing of the past or there’s just less kids.…
  • 10/30 - That Didn’t Go Well (by Stephen Johnson)
    Well, they WERE intrigued. Had outlined more stuff that would mesh in well and took a red-eye to the next state over for a meeting with the money people. Didn’t…
  • 10/24 - A Top Secret Affair! (by Bob Senitram)
    Hey, I forgot to mention last week, you can still Ask Bob a question, I have a degree in Science. You can put it in the comments section below or…
  • 10/23 - Hollywood Bound? (by Stephen Johnson)
    Someone from somewhere sent me an email stating that they really liked my spaghetti in a bar bowl idea very much and want to meet up with me to discuss…
  • 10/16 - This Would Be Funny, Am I Right? (by Stephen Johnson)
    I was watching a movie recently, forget what it was but it was horror since it’s October. Right? There was a scene in a bar and there was a basket…
  • 10/09 - Basements, Pee Holes, and The Guest That Just Won’t Leave… (by Bob Senitram)
    Sorry, I didn’t post a column last week, but I was in St. Louis all weekend. I didn’t want to go, but the ol’ lady packed up a suitcase put…
  • 10/09 - Bob Is Using John Bender All Wrong! (by Stephen Johnson)
    There’s a certain time and place to use a picture of John Bender. Bob does not understand that certain time and place. He posted something on Facebook that included the…
  • 10/02 - Hey, It’s October! (by Stephen Johnson)
    Hey, it’s October! I have nothing more to add to that. It’s just a fact that I thought you would be interested in. If you’re not reading this in October,…
  • 09/25 - No Dream, No Return, No Rust (by Stephen Johnson)
    A while ago, when my palatial estate was getting fumigated since I had an abundance of black widow spiders and ocelots roaming around the house, I asked Bob if I…
  • 09/19 - Dream #9, The Return of Randy (by Bob Senitram)
    My planned column is put on hold so I can tell you about the most wonderful dream I had. First a little background. My brother-in-law, Randy, stayed in our basement…
  • 09/18 - Those Stupid Things They Do Are Stupid (by Stephen Johnson)
    I heard from someone somewhere about a new program or something that the kids today are posting moving pictures of them doing things and making other people join in the…
  • 09/12 - Fresher Than Bob’s! (by Stephen Johnson)
    Noticed that Bob posted his column on Saturday so that he could TRY to divert the attention to him. What a fool. Since I’m posting this Sunday afternoon, mine’s fresher.…
  • 09/11 - An Unspeakable Truth… (by Bob Senitram)
    Yes, you to can Ask Bob a Question! Stephen will be happy to know that I am writing a column for the second week in a row! I’m also publishing…
  • 09/04 - The Truth About Global Warming (by Bob Senitram)
    Ask Bob a Question and he’ll answer it the best he can! Sara asks: So what’s up with all this crazy weather..Is global warming really real or what??? P.S. I…
  • 09/04 - Where’s Bob? (by Stephen Johnson)
    Noticed that Bob hasn’t posted for awhile and, because I care, I called him to find out what was going on. He was upset that another challenge was out there,…
  • 08/28 - It’s Just Horrible! (by Stephen Johnson)
    I remember the time a neighborhood kid came over to my house and asked if I wanted to see a dead body. I told him I couldn’t since I was…
  • 08/22 - The Complete Works of John Henry David III (by Submitted by Guest)
    John Henry David III was an accomplished American “silly quote writer”. Herein lie his major works and a small detailed biography which follows. “Redispose my underachievement for I am greatly…
  • 08/21 - Nothing New Here (Or Is There?) (by Stephen Johnson)
    I’m not writing anything new this week. Instead, I’m going to try and remember who Sally the throw up girl was. I vaguely remember her. Drinking was involved? Then vomit?…
  • 08/15 - Senitram Unwittingly Becomes The Leader Of An Anti-Vax Cult? (by Bob Senitram)
    Prior to the reboot of the website, I haven’t recieved a single question for the Ask Bob column since 2010. Now I have two! Sara writes: Is it true you’re…
  • 08/14 - Beware Of Propeller (by Stephen Johnson)
    Today reminds me of that time I was talking to someone about the latest episode of “Car 54, Where Are You?”. Right behind them was a sign on a building…
  • 08/08 - Question 27? (by Melissa Paternik)
    I was going to write something to do with hygiene tips, but I am having problems with my GED studies so I decided to discuss that instead. I always thought…
  • 08/07 - Again, That Was A Roadtrip???? (by Stephen Johnson)
    Interesting column from Bob. You know, the one he was forced to write. Did you notice that they did not stop at one rest area? How can you call it…
  • 08/01 - 2021 Road Trip: The Rise of Senitram (by Bob Senitram)
    You can Ask Bob a question!He knows more than you! He has a degree in S-C-I-E-N-C-E. So Stephen wants to know about our road trip, I guess there might be…
  • 07/31 - That Was A Roadtrip Column??!! (by Stephen Johnson)
    Hahahaha! Looks like Bob TRIED to write a roadtrip column and miserably failed. Go ahead and give it a read. I’ll wait. See what I mean? Where’s the actual roadtrip?…
  • 07/26 - Test, test, test (by Stephen Johnson)
    I guess there’s a new way to submit my posts, so I’m going to test this out. Cabin down south, it’s haunted, Bob screamed like a little girl and ran…
  • 07/25 - The Senitram Roadtrip 2021! (by Bob Senitram)
    You can Ask Bob a question if you want!I have a de-gree in S-C-I-E-N-C-E. I didn’t plan on writing about my little vacation, but since Stephen let the cat out…
  • 07/17 - Sweet Freedom! NO BOB!!!!! (by Stephen Johnson)
    Bob isn’t around this week. Supposedly he has a cabin down south in the deep, deep woods and he’s hiding out for a bit. What does this mean? It means…
  • 07/11 - Bunnies (by Stephen Johnson)
    I got a shot recently. For…….something. After the shot, I was told to sit down on THE bench for 15 minutes, just to make sure I was going to be…
  • 07/05 - Good Times in 1968, Hippies, coke bottles and the long arm of the law (by Bob Senitram)
    You can Ask Bob a question! He has a degree in…science! This column is inspired by Irving Bronsky who in 2001 submitted a story about what it was like being…
  • 07/03 - This Post Also Has No Title (Until Now) (by Stephen Johnson)
    Bob didn’t post anything last week. Do you want to know why? He’s having a My Little Pony crisis. His favorite MLP shirt, the “Best Ponies” one, now has a…
  • 06/28 - This Post Has No Title (Until Now) (by Stephen Johnson)
    Read Bob’s last thing that he wrote. Something about how we met. Didn’t get to the end of it. Didn’t want to. Too many tears in mine eyes. From that…
  • 06/21 - Stop the Steal (by Bob Senitram)
    Click here if YOU want to Ask Bob a Question!I have a degree in SCIENCE! Tessa from Albuquerque writes: I read a few articles from the past. I seems you…
  • 06/19 - Phone Call (by Stephen Johnson)
    Actual phone conversation from 6/14/21: “You need to get a Facebook account.” “Why?” “Research says we need to hit social media in order to make money.” “Wait…..we make money?” “Well…….”…
  • 06/12 - Another Post From Me With Truth As An Added Bonus (by Stephen Johnson)
    Seems like Bob is trying to cause some problems. First, I NEVER said that he should sell the site to an investment firm. I told him that his buttocks were…
  • 06/07 - Getting ready to get ready! (by Bob Senitram)
    Getting Ready! I like to read the daily paper so my columns will be current. I don’t use one of those fancy electronic aps that show up in tiny print…
  • 06/04 - Okay then…… (by Stephen Johnson)
    Wow. Someone at corporate did not like last week’s post. They stated that no thought went into it at all, whatsoever. Then they went on to say that my post…
  • 05/30 - A New Post From Me (by Stephen Johnson)
    So……………………………….. Ok, that’s my post for the week! Share on Facebook Tweet Follow us
  • 05/24 - 50 Ways to catch Corona… (by Bob Senitram)
    Ask Bob Last week I was running errands for my wife. I didn't want to, but again the sugar cubes worked their magic and next thing I knew I was at the dry cleaners...
  • 05/22 - Hello. Again. (by Stephen Johnson)
    Lunatic Ravings Well, it’s been around three years since I last posted. Due to contractual obligations, I have to post more stuff. But I’m okay with that. During these past…
  • 05/16 - To V or not to V (by Bob Senitram)
    By Bob Senitram The other week while watching t.v. I heard the President stress, “I urge every American to go get your shot…” Wanting to be a good American, not…
  • 04/17 - Just for you (by P.S. Gifford)
    Just for you. Have you ever wanted to murder someone? Please, please, read on for I am deadly serious. So, I shall repreat the simple question- have you ever wanted…
  • 04/16 - Saint Patrick’s Day (by Saint Garion)
    by Saint Garion For Saint Patrick’s Day we all went down to the local Irish pub, where the Lord and Buddha chased some kids around in a circle, playing their…
  • 04/16 - I Want a Title!!! (by Stephen Johnson)
    (originally posted on 08/23/2011) Accept—Blind Rage MoTW—The Pom Pom Girls For those new to this column, my name is Stephen Johnson. I am the…………… Wait. What the hell am I…
  • 04/16 - Bob Senitram’s State of the Union (by Bob Senitram)
    (Originally posted on 03/14/2006) I came out of retirement to share my opinions of the political landscape! In the spirit of Shark Tank… Donald Trump: I could bore you to…
  • 04/16 - Catch Up e-mail (by Saint Garion)
    (Originally posted on 04/11/2007) I’ve decided to catch up on some e-mail.___________________________________ Dear Saint Garion, Why is it that our children can’t read a Bible in school, but they can…
  • 09/02 - Money from Nothing – Part III (by Bob Senitram)
    This is a continuing series called “Money from Nothing,” which means if you’re an average Joe that is just getting by paycheck to paycheck to pay bills and not able…
  • 07/16 - Money for Nothing Part II (by Bob Senitram)
    Ok, I’m a little late getting part II out.  I finished this about 2 weeks ago, but had to sit on it for a little while before the release.  Now…
  • 06/20 - Money From Nothing – Part I (by Bob Senitram)
    Back in the end of 1999, Stephen and I decided to build “TheWeirdcrap.com”.  We had no idea what to do with it at the time, but one feature we kept…
  • 05/19 - This Might Be For Real (by Stephen Johnson)
    Well, it’s been a long time since this has been updated. The last time was August of 2016 so you would think that something serious was going on in my…
  • 03/30 - The much awaited EASTER SPECIAL! (by Bob Senitram)
    Jim from Wichita, KS asks:I’m an Evangelical Christian of the sacred church of the bleeding heart, and I don’t think this Easter bunny things got anything to do with the…
  • 03/29 - A Mention Or Bacon Pizza With Gutters And Pink Balls? (by Stephen Johnson)
    Pat Travers—Retro Rocket MoTW—Fury While farting around on the internet looking for a local Little Caesar’s because I had an urge for 3 1/2 feet of bacon, I visited Metsblog…
  • 02/07 - Wise Words Or A Coverup? (by Stephen Johnson)
    Blind Guardian—Beyond The Red Mirror MoTW—Deliver Us From Evil Many years ago, when I was an impressionable youth, a wise person spoke to me me and gave me very profound…
  • 01/05 - The world according to Garp… (by Bob Senitram)
    Rather than sharing an interesting or even a moderately interesting story, I’m gonna give you my take on the world. Let’s start with Russia. Putin wants to take control of…
  • 12/20 - Oh, The Pity (by Stephen Johnson)
    Harem Scarem—Thirteen MoTW—Dead Snow 2: Red vs. Dead As I look back at this past year, it has dawned on me that nothing really happened. Is that possible? Nothing happened…
  • 11/01 - Meandering Fall Thoughts About Stuff (by Stephen Johnson)
    Devin Townsend Project–Sky Blue MoTW–The Final Terror Check it out! My complaint must have been received by the correct people since there’s a nifty new background here! It screams “2014”,…
  • 10/06 - How about that Ozone? (by Bob Senitram)
    Sam from Philly writes: Dear Bob,How about that Ozone? Bob:Dear Sam: I looked thru every football handbook I could find and couldn’t find a thing about the Ozone.  I thought…
  • 10/04 - I Don’t Like SOME Geeks (by Stephen Johnson)
    Amplifier–Mystoria MoTW–Malibu Beach A couple weeks ago, someone from corporate sent me an email asking if I wanted a design on my column. I immediately wrote back stating that I…
  • 09/15 - Eating Kitty (by Bob Senitram)
    Back in the day, I made my living by driving a truck.  I got my CDL over the road for about five years, then quit.  We moved Florida so the…
  • 07/28 - The Cronic Butt Itch (by Bob Senitram)
    For those new to this column, I’m Bob Senitram.  I am the technical director of “TheWeirdcrap.com” and “My Strange Stories.com.”  TheWeirdcrap.com has been around for 14 years, and has had…
  • 07/05 - I Have No Title For This, But I’m Back (Again)! (by Stephen Johnson)
    Rival Sons—Great Western Valkyrie MoTW—Maniac Cop 3 April? I haven’t posting anything since April? What in the hell is wrong with me? Wow. I knew I was taking a couple…
  • 04/19 - …..As I Continue (by Stephen Johnson)
    Space Elevator–Space Elevator MoTW–Electra Glide In Blue Reading over my last post, I noticed I made a few mistakes. I shall now correct them. The corrections are shown in capital…
  • 03/01 - And I struggle….. (by Stephen Johnson)
    Within Temptation—Hydra MoTW—You’re Next Sigh. I keep promising and then let everyone down. it’s to be expected, though. I’ve been doing that my whole life, so why should I change…
  • 02/17 - Open the Docking Bay Doors, Hal… (by Bob Senitram)
    Unexpectedly, an alien showed up at my house. I asked, “Are you a Nazi-Space-Alien from Der Daaak Side unt da Moon? He said, “No.”  And I was cool with that.…
  • 01/11 - Life With Squirrels (by Stephen Johnson)
    Roger Taylor–Fun On Earth MoTW–The Lone Ranger So it went as I prepared myself assimilate myself into squirrel culture. I said my farewells to my loved ones. I thought this…
  • 12/21 - I’m Back! Where Was I? (by Stephen Johnson)
    Focus–X MoTW–Lawrence Of Arabia Yep, it’s been awhile since I last posted. Yep, there’s a darn good reason. See, I was tired of sitting around, basically doing nothing but watching…
  • 12/09 - In the year 2525… (by Bob Senitram)
    This weekend I watched the movie “Robot and Frank” and realized that that is going to be me in the future. I’ll be seventy, my wife will be in her…
  • 10/16 - Guy Fawkes Day (by P.S. Gifford)
    Paper Back Writer by P.S. Gifford With Halloween almost upon us, and many a friend sharing their tae on the season, I cannot help but recollect my own childhood memories…
  • 09/28 - Cresent Fresh Is A Lie! (by Stephen Johnson)
    Dream Theater–Dream Theater MoTW–Clue For the last few weeks, I have been pondering this “Cresent Fresh” thing. I’ve been pondering it so much, I haven’t had time to write anything…
  • 09/03 - CRESENT + FRESH = BOB! (by Bob Senitram)
    “Rayo” writes:Is you fresh? Dear Rayo, Funny you should ask. Just a few weeks ago Stephen Johnson (Lunatic Ravings) was questioning my sincerity of my claims of Cresent Fresh-osity.  But…
  • 08/10 - I’m NOT Cresent Fresh? (by Stephen Johnson)
    Diesel–Watts In A Tank MoTW–I Saw The Devil This is the time of the year where I share with everyone my latest roadtrip shenanigans. Yet, you’re going to be left…
  • 08/09 - The Tree of Hope (by P.S. Gifford)
    Paperback writer by PS Gifford The Tree of Hope.P.S. Gifford I shall never forget that particular Friday afternoon in April 1976. I was just a tender and impressionable eleven years…
  • 07/22 - Crescent Fresh (by Bob Senitram)
    I decided to take a look at the newspaper and see what is and is-not cresent fresh! ZimmermanNot guilty? That is totally NOT Cresent Fresh! Reminds me of an instance…
  • 07/20 - The Saga Of The Fallen Tree. Well, Not A Saga. (by Stephen Johnson)
    Pat Travers Band—Can Do MoTW—Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters A few months ago (has it been that long?), I was busy in the basement doing some stuff. Some of you…
  • 06/10 - “You’re not being SILLY…ARE YOU?” (by Bob Senitram)
      Mitzi writes: Who do you think you are, posting your opinions about things that you obviously know nothing about!  What gives you the right? My Dear Mitzi: First of…
  • 06/01 - I Know? Or Do I Not? Know? (by Stephen Johnson)
    Black Star Riders–All Hell Breaks Loose MoTW–The Divide Well, there goes my fun. My jeans experience was not as well received as the previous sneakers experience. This leads me to…
  • 05/13 - Every turn I make, takes me home… (by Bob Senitram)
    A few months back I explained how my new lap-top made life easier and am now much more likely too write these columns/blogs on a more regular basis.    …
  • 04/22 - Time creeps in! (by Bob Senitram)
    I have had a massive brain fart for the last few months…OK, years. Here’s the deal.  When I first started writing the column, 13 years ago, I was in my…
  • 04/20 - I Bought New Jeans! (by Stephen Johnson)
    David Bowie–The Next Day MoTW—Evil Dead (2013) Wow. The response from my last opus, “An Issue With Sneaker”, was so overwhelming that I decided to let it hang around for…
  • 03/11 - Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds… (by Bob Senitram)
    Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds…Part II (Last week, on Ask Bob) It’s been a loud, cold, bumpy ride the whole way. We got a nice meal earlier.  You know,…
  • 03/09 - An Issue With Sneakers (by Stephen Johnson)
    S.U.N.—Something Unto Nothing MoTW—Brave I don’t consider myself a cheap kinda guy, but when it comes to sneakers it’s a different story. I’m happy spending $25-$30 on sneakers. As long…
  • 02/25 - Here Comes the Sun (unexpected fiction!) (by Bob Senitram)
    It’s been a loud, cold, bumpy ride the whole way. We got a nice meal earlier.  You know, just in case.  I feel a little sick to my stomach, not…
  • 02/02 - What A Mistake This Was (by Stephen Johnson)
    Helloween—Straight Out Of Hell MoTW—Seven Psychopaths What’s this infatuation with cat litter? Today was the last day for Best Buy’s “Upgrade And Save” program in which you bring in a…
  • 01/14 - The Visitor (by Bob Senitram)
    Unexpectedly, an alien showed up at my house. I asked, “Are you a Nazi-Space-Alien from Der Daaak Side unt da Moon? He said, “No.”  And I was cool with that.…
  • 01/12 - I Get A Job (by Stephen Johnson)
    Last Crack–Sinister Funkhouse #17 MoTW—Dredd Eventually it was going to happen. There’s only so long a guy can sit in his basement every day eating pretzels filled with peanut butter,…
  • 12/15 - I Is Back! Where Did I Go? (by Stephen Johnson)
    Warrior—The Code Of Life MoTW—Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale Wow, it’s like I’ve been in a coma or something. I mean, over a MONTH since my last post? What the…
  • 12/05 - Big Blog (by P.S. Gifford)
    Paperback writer by P.S. Gifford There’s a blog chain going around called “The Next Big Thing.” The idea is, each writer answers some questions about their next big project… and…
  • 11/03 - And My Political Views Are…… (by Stephen Johnson)
    Tygers Of Pan Tang–Ambush MoTW–The Dictator So it’s election time again. Yawn. What’s the big deal? Everyone is so gung ho about THEIR pick, yet they usually hate them in…
  • 10/20 - Just Another Bad Day. Sigh. (by Stephen Johnson)
    The Outlaws–It’s About Pride MoTW—Deep Rising Yesterday morning I was sitting at home, doing nothing much except staring blankly at the tv and watching whatever show was on. Then my…
  • 10/06 - I Prepare For The Apocalypse? (by Stephen Johnson)
    Devin Townsend Project—Epicloud MoTW—The Cabin In The Woods You know it’s getting close to the end of the world, right? It’s just a couple months away….. Yeah, I forgot about…
  • 09/22 - Something About Nothing Since That’s What I Have To Write About (by Stephen Johnson)
    In This Moment—Blood MoTW–Dead Hooker In A Trunk You know (or maybe you don’t), what started off as fun just isn’t fun anymore. It seemed exciting at first and now…
  • 09/08 - I’m Pathetic (With 8 FB Friends) (by Stephen Johnson)
    Saga–20/20 MoTW–Papillon We received an invitation to an “End Of Summer” party a few weeks ago from the folks that live behind us. Considering that the end of summer is…
  • 08/25 - It’s Official. No Friends! (by Stephen Johnson)
    Fozzy–Sin And Bones MoTW–Jaws So I joined Facebook as I think I mentioned a couple weeks ago. Thought it would be a great way to meet up with friends, and…
  • 08/10 - The 2012 Roadtrip All In One Sitting! (by Stephen Johnson)
    Testament—Dark Roots Of Earth MoTW—[REC] 2 Well, another roadtrip is done. Luckily for you, I don’t have to waste a couple months explaining what went on. Why? Because absolutely nothing…
  • 07/21 - My Upcoming Plans (by Stephen Johnson)
    The Cult—Choice Of Weapon MoTW—Lockout I took a break today from packing just to keep all of you updated on what’s going on in my life. For those new here,…
  • 07/14 - Olives and….the Prius? (by Stephen Johnson)
    Asia—XXX MoTW—Martyrs I was going to write about olives this week, but then I read Bob’s latest and it got me to wondering….. Anyway, back to the olives. I asked…
  • 07/09 - Writer’s Cramp? (by Bob Senitram)
    Like Stephen Johnson, I too have had a writer’s cramp! Well, not really.  I have some good ideas cookin’ but I’ve been real busy lately and only have half completed…
  • 06/30 - I’m Too Sexy To Be Cuttin’ The Grass (by Stephen Johnson)
    Tyketto—Dig In Deep MoTW—21 Jump Street Don’t know what it is, but I must look really sexy when I cut the grass. Think I’ve mentioned this before and if I…
  • 06/23 - I Think This Is An Apology (by Stephen Johnson)
    Joe Walsh—Analog Man MoTW—Prometheus For some reason I keep slacking off and not delivering as I should. Believe me (or not) but every week I have the fulled intention to…
  • 06/02 - I Do A Good Deed! (by Stephen Johnson)
    Firewind—Few Against Many MoTW—Piranha 3DD Well, my “fact finding” mission Texas is over. For those wondering what I’m talking about, it’s all about Bob and having him legally put to…
  • 05/19 - So He Wants To Be A Hero? Fine! (by Stephen Johnson)
    Ian Anderson—TAAB2 MoTW—Triangle Yeah, I know. You’ve been waiting and waiting for me to keep posting the rest of the interview, just to get the damn thing over with. Well,…
  • 05/14 - Caught in the act! (by Bob Senitram)
    Somebody was gonna get caught in the act and I was really excited when I got the call from 20/20 to help them in an undercover investigation!   So here’s…
  • 04/28 - The Interview Continues WIth Limited Interruptions! (by Stephen Johnson)
    Accept—Stalingrad: Brothers In Death MoTW—A Very Harold & Kumar Christmas It’s been awhile since I last posted (at least I do), but there’s been a few bad things that have…
  • 04/24 - Dealing with Alzheimer’s (by P.S. Gifford)
    Paperback writer by P.S. Gifford Alzheimer’s and dementia are cruel things to suffer from and, I must add, being a caregiver you must assume nothing- as everyday offers new challenges.…
  • 04/22 - The Image (by P.S. Gifford)
    Paperback writer by P.S. Gifford The Image Have you ever looked hard at yourself in the mirror? Deep into your own eyes… And simply stared. And kept on staring until…
  • 04/07 - The Interview: Interrupted Again (by Stephen Johnson)
    Jack Blades—Rock ‘N Roll Ride MoTW—Metropolis So it seemed like I was making headway with the interview, but somehowgot sidetracked and started writing about myself. Kind if selfish, Ithink. This…
  • 03/24 - The Interview! Well….. (by Stephen Johnson)
    Picture—Warhorse MoTW—Battle Royale Yes, yes, yes. I know. The interview. Luckily for you it’s THAT week, THAT week where you finally get to readthe interview. The interview you’ve all been…
  • 03/13 - A contemporary Icon! (by Bob Senitram)
    Johnny V. from El Cerrito, CA, asks .“Hey Bob, how can I become a contemporary icon like You? Why just the other day I was replacing the brakes on my…
  • 03/11 - My son turns nineteen today (by P.S. Gifford)
    By Guest Writer Today my son turns nineteen. Hardly seems possible….It is a bittersweet occasion as I know he is happy- but I will not be getting to see him.…
  • 03/11 - The Inter…Oops, I Did It Again! (by Stephen Johnson)
    Lillian Axe—XI: The Days Before Tomorrow MoTW—Blubberella Will get to the promised interview shortly, but first…. Had to get new glasses. Just felt like the time was right for brandspankin’…
  • 02/25 - The Interview! Oops, I Mean….. (by Stephen Johnson)
    Van Halen—A Different Kind Of Truth MoTW—The Thing (2011) Always one to deliver on what I promise, I present to you that interviewwith Bob! I ask the hard questions and…
  • 02/19 - A taste of heaven! (by Bob Senitram)
    This email comes from Khitte@______,Bob, YOU ARE A SINNER OR WHAT!!!Now what’ch ya gonna do?SINNER!!!!! Dear Khitte, Your email really hit home. I sat in front of the computer and…
  • 02/05 - Omaha Poker! (by Bob Senitram)
    With the lack of short stories submitted lately and the sparse columns posted on TheWeirdcrap.com “The Boss” decided he needed to talk to me and Stephen…in person! This is a…
  • 02/04 - Maturity? Really? (by Stephen Johnson)
    City Boy—Book Early MoTW—Cowboys & Aliens Just got done reading Bob’s latest antics and I must say that I amtotally depressed. From what I read, he’s a complete klutz and….mature?…
  • 02/01 - My non-Top 10 List for 2011 (by Bob Senitram)
    I was quite concerned when Stephen wrote that I didn’t have a 2011 Top Ten list because I didn’t like anything in 2011. I decided to prove him wrong, not…
  • 01/22 - Why Not? I Answer Email! (by Stephen Johnson)
    Lacuna Coil—Dark Adrenaline MoTW—Fright Night (2011) It’s been awhile since I answered any email so I’ve figured now is asgood a time as any. I do read every email I…
  • 01/21 - Rattled (by P.S. Gifford)
    Guest Writer (unknown) Words are rattling in my soul-That are longing to break free…So here I am a tap-tapping keysin an attempt to make them be! But all that rose…
  • 01/10 - And now its time for the break-down… (by Bob Senitram)
    …and that should pretty much answer your question! For those who haven’t read every single “Ask Bob” article written in the last ten years, I’ll explain. A couple of years…
  • 01/07 - Top Ten Of 2011 (by Stephen Johnson)
    Kip Winger—From The Earth To The Sun MoTW—Shaft It’s been three weeks since I’ve written something new? Wow! Kinda makes sense I suppose. Two weeks ago it was Xmas eve…
  • 12/17 - My Xmas Present To The World (by Stephen Johnson)
    Jane Wiedlin—Jane Wiedlin MoTW—Red State I really wanted to write something last week, but couldn’t. I was allprepared, had some thought, was wearing my writin’ clothes but then itwas all…
  • 12/03 - The Truth Plus A Special Gift (by Stephen Johnson)
    The Tea Party—The Interzone Mantras MoTW—Tucker & Dale vs. Evil While I must thank Bob for thinking about me when the woman left mealone a couple weekends ago, I think…
  • 11/21 - From the Outback… (by Bob Senitram)
    Stovsie from stockton:g,day i am from the outback and eery on epicks on me. what should i do bob. Stovsie:I feel your pain, in fact just this week Stephen’s old…
  • 11/19 - Guess I’m Really Not Thankful (by Stephen Johnson)
    Alice Cooper—Welcome 2 My Nightmare MoTW—Black Death So it’s that time of the year again. Time for Black Friday and mybirthday. Oh, and Thanksgiving. Luckily for everyone, my birthday just…
  • 11/12 - Maybe I’m Not A Bad Person? (by Stephen Johnson)
    Iced Earth—Dystopia MoTW—From Paris, With Love Ah-ha! I knew it! I FUCKING KNEW IT! Scam column from Bob, just as I figured. It proves something, I’m justnot sure what. Maybe…
  • 11/07 - Truth or Dare… (by Bob Senitram)
    I have a confession to make. The last gut wrenching, LOL column was not an original piece. Right now Stephen Johnson is shouting, “I knew it…I KNEW IT!” For those…
  • 11/05 - The 2011 Roadtrip: The Conclusion! (by Stephen Johnson)
    Megadeth—Th1rt3en MoTW—Sharktopus So it’s now a Wednesday in August and our roadtrip has to continue. Therefore, we woke up sometime in the morning and I watched some tvwhile the woman…
  • 10/22 - The 2011 Roadtrip: Part 8 (by Stephen Johnson)
    Blondie—Panic Of Girls MoTW—The Saint (Note 1: Yes, this keeps going. I really, really want this to end and Ihave every intention of ending it but then I get quite…
  • 10/11 - Holy Business tips (by Bob Senitram)
    Some time ago I had an email that asked how a good Christian can apply his ideals to the workplace. I spent a good two years thinkin’ ’bout this on…
  • 10/08 - The 2011 Roadtrip: Part 7 (by Stephen Johnson)
    Anthrax—Worship Music MoTW—The China Syndrome Monday, whatever date it is. Again I woke up early, around 6, grabbed a Diet Dew, smokes and my bookand went outside to do my…
  • 10/01 - The 2011 Roadtrip: Part 6 (by Stephen Johnson)
    Chickenfoot—III MoTW—Hatchet II “This is delicious.” It’s Sunday night and we’re eating dinner (steak and other stuff) andthat’s all the woman can say. Time after time after time after time…..…
  • 09/24 - The 2011 Roadtrip: Part 5 (by Stephen Johnson)
    Opeth—Heritage MoTW—Night Of The Demons (2010) What’s funny is when I asked the desk clerk at the hotel how far BestBuy was, they made it seem like it was quite…
  • 09/17 - The 2011 Roadtrip: Part 4 (by Stephen Johnson)
    Dream Theater—A Dramatic Turn Of Events MoTW—Drones (Wow, this sucks In Bob’s latest column he MAKES FUN of Omaha and I’mdoing my thing here and can’t really do a retort.…
  • 09/03 - The 2011 Roadtrip: Part 3 (by Stephen Johnson)
    Devin Townsend Project—Ghost MoTW—Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes (Note: For those that care, in the last column I mistakenly used thedate of 7/31 when it should have been…
  • 08/27 - The 2011 Roadtrip: Part 2 (by Stephen Johnson)
    Electric Boys—And Them Boys Done Swang MoTW—Paul So, after 1 pm on July 31st 2011, I didn’t write anything in my journal. Why? Well, I was under the assumption that…
  • 08/11 - The 2011 Roadtrip: Part 1 (by Stephen Johnson)
    Devin Townsend Project—Deconstruction MoTW—The Great Texas Dynamite Chase As mentioned and threatened in my last post (three weeks ago?!), it isthat time of the year for me to share with…
  • 08/08 - Dog Shit!? (by Bob Senitram)
    I’ve been commenting on the debt ceiling dog shit issue for a few months and now that it’s all over, all I have to say is “Thanks, Tea Party.” Thanks…
  • 07/23 - It’s That Time Again! (by Stephen Johnson)
    Yes—Fly From Here MoTW—Doghouse Well, it’s that time of the year again! Time for us to prepare us for the annual roadtrip. Time for you to prepare for a couple…
  • 07/18 - PS Gifford’s website (by P.S. Gifford)
    Paperback writer by PS Gifford The Great Shoe Caper This is an absolutely true account, none of the names or facts have been changed to protect the innocent, because there…
  • 07/09 - A Quest For An Answer: The Finale (by Stephen Johnson)
    Symphony X—Iconoclast MoTW—Sucker Punch My plan was simple: I would stare at Bob long enough to make him crazyedgy and then he would have no choice but to fess up…
  • 06/25 - A Quest For An Answer: Part 3 (by Stephen Johnson)
    Black Country Communion—2 MoTW—Conquest Thinking it was gun, I ducked and then bobbed and weaved for awhile,figuring (yet again) that he wouldn’t be stable enough to hit somethingthat was ducking,…
  • 06/11 - A Quest For An Answer: Part 2 (by Stephen Johnson)
    Stevie Nicks—In Your Dreams MoTW—The Mutant Chronicles So there we were, me shouting “HAYOO!” and the horse and donkey hoovesmaking that clippity-cloppity noise we all know and love as thestagecoach…
  • 06/04 - A Quest For An Answer: Part 1 (by Stephen Johnson)
    Black Stone Cherry—Between The Devil & The Deep Blue Sea MoTW—The Last Exorcism I feel pretty bad not posting something the last couple of weeks, butit’s really not my fault.…
  • 05/15 - Out of Gas! (by Bob Senitram)
    I’m just out of gas, so rather than bore you with the mundane details of my somewhat boring conservative life, I thought I would present ANOTHER “Best of Senitram” where…
  • 05/14 - Roadtrip Roadblock? (by Stephen Johnson)
    Uriah Heep—Into The Wild MoTW—Furry Vengeance This is the time of year that I set aside some time to think about whereI’m going to go on vacation. Actually, “vacation” might…
  • 05/07 - Not My Idea (by Stephen Johnson)
    The Steve Miller Band—Let Your Hair Down MoTW—Critters 3 I have to thank a Mets site (which I won’t mention) for keeping me up onthe news, especially with what happened…
  • 04/23 - Why Ham? (by Stephen Johnson)
    The Pretty Reckless—Light Me Up MoTW—Suck It was really simple. “I’m going to Costco on Friday, is there anything you need?” “Well, I saw some chicken salad that looked really…
  • 04/16 - We’re Not A Good Couple (by Stephen Johnson)
    Within Temptation—The Unforgiving MoTW—Repo Men   Generally folks hook up with one another because they feel like they canget support from each other. They should throw ideas at each other…
  • 04/09 - This Is Really Over The Place (by Stephen Johnson)
    Whitesnake—Forevermore MoTW—Micmacs I actually had something to write about this week, something interesting(for once). I had it all planned out in my head, had it storyboarded and all thatother jazz…
  • 04/05 - Shrongs -Part IV (by Bob Senitram)
    This is a piece of fiction from about four years ago…one of my favorites that was never featured on www.MyStrangeStories.com or www.theweirdcrap.com. Which seems sort of odd in retrospect, since…
  • 03/26 - I Get Sick. Again. It Sucks. (by Stephen Johnson)
    Kings Of The Sun—Full Frontal Attack MoTW—Capone I dunno what's going on, but I fear I'm losing my awesome prettiness andvitality. It must be my ancient age catching up to…
  • 03/22 - Shrongs Part III or Part II, article A (by Bob Senitram)
    Bob on Twitter,Or just Ask Bob a question already. This is a piece of fiction from about four years ago…one of my favorites that was never featured on Alarmingly Strange…
  • 03/14 - Shrongs -Part II (by Bob Senitram)
    This is a piece of fiction from about four years ago…one of my favorites that was never featured on Alarmingly Strange Stories or www.theweirdcrap.com. Which seems sort of odd in…
  • 02/28 - Shrongs (by Bob Senitram)
    Bob on Twitter,Or just Ask Bob a question already. Shrongs is a piece of fiction from about four years ago…one of my favorites that was never featured on Alarmingly Strange…
  • 02/26 - And The Verdict Was…… (by Stephen Johnson)
    John Sykes—20th Century MoTW—The Runaways A gentleman named Mark left a comment on last week's opus, asking if hecould use part of it. Now, for some reason, I get email…
  • 02/19 - I Explain A Process (by Stephen Johnson)
    The Tea Party—The Edges Of Twilight MoTW—The Lovely Bones What's this? Two weeks in a row? Is Stephen getting back to his normal,once a week postings? MAYBE! But here's the…
  • 02/12 - Jury Duty. Again. Sigh. (by Stephen Johnson)
    Danko Jones—Sleep Is The Enemy MoTW—Where's Marlowe? Anyway, as I was saying awhile ago, before I was forced to take a fewweeks off from writing stuff (and that seems to…
  • 02/09 - Hints (by P.S. Gifford)
    Helpful Hints from Helloise “Thanks for all the feedback on last weeks helpful hint ‘Be kind to your chainsaw and it will be kind to you.’ And Bob in the…
  • 01/31 - The advice keeps rolling in! (by Bob Senitram)
    Bob on Twitter (he never updates it…but you have to see for yourself)Dear Bob,I am a newlywed who loves her husband very much; however, I am very shy and I…
  • 01/22 - Bob Doesn’t Know Frank And My Final Top Ten Movies Of 2010 List Thing (by Stephen Johnson)
    Badlands—Badlands MoTW—Piranha (2010) Before I ramble on about stuff nobody cares about but me, I have myfinal list of the 10 best movies of 2010. It's final because there's afew…
  • 01/17 - More relationship goodies by Bob! (by Bob Senitram)
    Bob on Twitter,Or just Ask Bob a question already. Editors Note:I was just about to post when I realized I did not give a top ten list of movies and…
  • 01/01 - Top Ten Of Two Thousand And Ten (by Stephen Johnson)
    Firewind—The Premonition MoTW—Centurion Well, another year has gone by and I want to thank each and everyone ofmy mutlitude of fans for their support and donations. It's really kindof appreciated,…
  • 01/01 - Top Ten Of Two Thousand And Ten (by Stephen Johnson)
    Firewind—The Premonition MoTW—Centurion Well, another year has gone by and I want to thank each and everyone ofmy multitude of fans for their support and donations. It's really kindof appreciated,…
  • 12/19 - Why The Woman Generally Isn’t Seen In Public With Wonderful Ole Me (by Stephen Johnson)
    Machine Head—The Blackening MoTW—She's Out Of My League (Dedicated to Noodles, my friend, my pal, my baby. You were alwaysthere, hanging around with me while I vegged out listening to…
  • 12/06 - Relationship advice! (by Bob Senitram)
    Andrew asks: Hey Bob,Last week I got a haircut. My wife didn’t notice but I don’t really care. However, last month she got her hair all done up and I…
  • 12/04 - A Complete Waste Of Our Time (by Stephen Johnson)
    Faith No More—Album Of The Year MoTW—Predators I really wanted to write about something important this week, maybesomething to do with politics or world affairs. Something important.Something that would make…
  • 11/20 - Finally I Can Write About Normal Stuff Again (by Stephen Johnson)
    Meat Loaf—Hang Cool Teddy Bear MoTW—Forbidden World This is kind of cool. After a few months I can actually write about something other than aroadtrip (which was a contractual obligation).…
  • 11/06 - The 2010 Roadtrip: Grand Finale (by Stephen Johnson)
    Star One—Victims Of The Modern Age MoTW—The Crazies (2010) Thursday 8/5 6:00 am: Woke up. Big travel day so had to get the ball rolling. Nodilly dallying allowed. 6:01 am:…
  • 10/30 - The 2010 Roadtrip: Part 6 (by Stephen Johnson)
    Therion—Sitra Ahra MoTW—A New Leaf Wednesday 8/4 6:30 am: Woke up. Turned channel to TBS. Put on sweats and went outsideto smoke, drink a diet Dew and read. 6:55 am:…
  • 10/23 - The 2010 Roadtrip: Part 5 (by Stephen Johnson)
    High On Fire—Snakes For The Divine MoTW—The Bad Lieutenant: Port Of Call New Orleans Tuesday 8/3 6:00 am: Woke to a new day. Made sure the tv was tuned to…
  • 10/19 - Entombed (by P.S. Gifford)
    Entombed It all began with a bet. I would suspect that a lot of bad things begin with a bet. Well, that combined with an evening down at the pub.…
  • 10/18 - Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice and I won’t get fooled again. (by Bob Senitram)
    Bob on Twitter!Or just Ask Bob a question already.   Michelle from Little Rocks asks:So what’s all this about tax cuts? Dear Michelle,Your question reminds me of the time I…
  • 10/17 - The 2010 Roadtrip: Part 4 (by Stephen Johnson)
    Blind Guardian—At The Edge Of Time MoTW—The Collector Finally what you've all been waiting for! The "saga" continues! Monday 8/2 12:30 am: Woken up by the sound of doors slamming…
  • 09/25 - The 2010 Roadtrip: Part 3 (by Stephen Johnson)
    Death Angel—Relentless Retribution MoTW—Machete Before I continue, let's correct a mistake on the last post. For thefinal entry, it should be: Sunday, 8/1 12:05 am: I was tired. I went…
  • 09/20 - SAVE, SAVE, SAVE! (by Bob Senitram)
    I found this handy tid-bit that I wrote about five years ago. It’s from way back when, when folks actually sent me emails with questions. With the current economic situation…
  • 09/16 - My website (by P.S. Gifford)
    Paperback writer by PS Gifford Words have always been my allies. They have comforted, cared and consoled me during sadness, encouraged, enriched and entertained me at my most dire moments,…
  • 09/05 - The 2010 Roadtrip: Part 2 (by Stephen Johnson)
    Iron Maiden—The Final Frontier MoTW—The Lost Skeleton Returns Again Saturday, 7/31 (cont.) 8:30 pm: After saying our hello's and whatnot, I got down to thebusiness of finding a hotel o…
  • 08/31 - killercon (by P.S. Gifford)
    KillerCon What an amazing weekend I had. In fact amazing is quite the understatement. I have to confess I did have concerns as the morning prior to my departure I…
  • 08/31 - KillerCon Vegas (by P.S. Gifford)
    KillerCon What an amazing weekend I had. In fact amazing is quite the understatement. I have to confess I did have concerns as the morning prior to my departure I…
  • 08/16 - Ho-Hum…Nice day, Huh? (by Bob Senitram)
    Follow bob on Twitter!orask bob a question! Last week was the last week of summer for the kids. On monday, we had open house for Baby Gurl I (no longer…
  • 08/08 - The 2010 Roadtrip: Part 1 (by Stephen Johnson)
    Lillian Axe—Deep Red Shadows MoTW—Surrogates Now, you can read SOMEONE ELSES post on THEIR vacation or you can readthe original, one-and-only vacation post that matters: MINE! As luck would have…
  • 07/22 - Nothing Better To Do So I “Wrote” This (by Stephen Johnson)
    Chris Caffery—House Of Insanity MoTW—The Slammin' Salmon So it's Thursday and I don't have much going on since it's rainingoutside. I was going to watch someone cut my grass, but…
  • 07/10 - Here’s Where I Talk About Lawn Sprinklers. Again. (by Stephen Johnson)
    Foghat—Last Train Home MoTW—Daybreakers Sometimes I like throwing on some nice duds (or "clothes" for the youthreading this) and assimilating myself into a workforce somewhere. It'sjust something to do to…
  • 06/26 - A Lazy Secretive Thing With Stuff On Top (by Stephen Johnson)
    Y&T—Facemelter MoTW—Blue Collar Before I get started, would like those that like classic rock/metal tojoin a new forum at www.classic-rock-bottom.ning.com. It's an offshoot of a forum that's closing down on…
  • 06/12 - How I Got Rich!!! (by Stephen Johnson)
    Molly Hatchet—Justice MoTW—Pontypool Some of you may have noticed that Bob finally posted something new aftera few months. Kinda weird, I thought he was in prison (AGAIN) and had anoffice…
  • 06/01 - Who says there’s no free lunch? (by Bob Senitram)
    Follow bob on twitter orask bob a question! Like Stephen I haven’t written a column for a few weeks now. I had something lined up, but it’s not quite done…
  • 05/30 - How My Memorial Day Weekend Was Ruined (Like You Care) (by Stephen Johnson)
    Cathedral—The Guessing Game MoTW—Pandorum With this being Memorial Day weekend here in the USA, I figured I mightas well get my ass in gear and do some outside chores since…
  • 05/15 - A Movie And A Frog (by Stephen Johnson)
    Van Canto—Tribe Of Force MoTW—Frat Party Gotta apologise first for taking three weeks before posting somethingnew. Don't know why that happened, maybe it's the weather and working onthe lawn and…
  • 04/24 - The Funeral: The Middle And End (by Stephen Johnson)
    Jon Oliva's Pain—Festival MoTW—Dead Snow As we pulled away from the church, I got smart and turned on theheadlights so we would fit in with the rest of the vehicles…
  • 04/19 - A Star is Born -Part I (by Bob Senitram)
    Follow bob on twitter orask bob a question! At the request of the editor of TheWeirdcrap.com’s worldwide headquarters located somewhere in southern California, just off Ventura Highway in the Basement…
  • 04/03 - The Funeral: The Beginning (by Stephen Johnson)
    Raven—Walk Through Fire MoTW—Gigantic Finally the day arrived, the day of the funeral. The day we had all beenwaiting for. The buildup leading to the climax. That and everythingelse. While…
  • 03/29 - The killer bees of Hippie Park, 1969 (by Bob Senitram)
    Follow bob on twitter orask bob a question! Yes there is a bump on my forehead! It’s just a pimple…I think. Perhaps it will grow into a third eye or…
  • 03/27 - What Happened At The Funeral Home (by Stephen Johnson)
    Scorpions—Sting In The Tail MoTW—The House Of The Devil Luckily for me. the funeral home wasn't too far away and I was able tosqueeze my legs together so no pee…
  • 03/22 - A fun day. (by Bob Senitram)
    Follow Bob on twitter orask bob a question! Seems like it’s been so long since I had a chance to write a column I forgot about what I usually write…
  • 03/13 - More Mention Of My Finger, Deborah Foreman and Finally…… (by Stephen Johnson)
    Porcupine Tree—The Incident MoTW—Black Dynamite Have you ever gotten to the point where you sit down to write somethingthat needs to be written, yet can't figure out exactly what to…
  • 03/13 - High Tech (by P.S. Gifford)
    I have just been in a terrible predicament, A tight spot which I am sure will make the strongest stomached of readers wince. A dilemma which I have also considered…
  • 02/28 - My Wounded Finger Is Still Wounded (by Stephen Johnson)
    Kittie—In The Black MoTW—Year One Maybe it was a mistake letting the cat have it's way with my woundedfinger since it's not healing. After a few days of the cat…
  • 02/20 - My Wound And The Destruction It Could Have Caused (by Stephen Johnson)
    Priestess—Hello Master MoTW—Zombieland I'm wounded. I hit my forefinger with a hammer today as I was putting together abookshelf and have a nice, huge blood blister. So what should I…
  • 02/08 - And I Thought This Would All Be Over (by Stephen Johnson)
    Wolfmother—Cosmic Egg MoTW—Gran Torino Ten years ago (not 7, as it's stated somewhere on this site) I was givenan opportunity to try and make a difference in the world by…
  • 01/25 - The big moment! (by Bob Senitram)
    Follow Bob on twitter orask bob a question! Barack from Washington asks:You make bizarre observations about politics and our world, where did you come from? Dear Sir:The Earth is so…
  • 01/16 - Fearless Predictions for 2010 (by Stephen Johnson)
    Big Jim Slade—This Is Delicious MoTW—Capricorn One And yet again, another year passes and another is here which means it'sthat time again, time to see how my predictions for last…
  • 01/05 - One holiday late, one turkey short. (by Bob Senitram)
    Follow bob on twitter orask bob a question! I hate to see food or drink go to waste. Such a feeling should prompt me to volunteer at a food bank…
  • 01/02 - Top 10 Movies & Music Of 2009 (by Stephen Johnson)
    Anthrax—Persistence Of Time MoTW—District 9 Well, we made it thru another year! And with the new year upon us. it'stime yet again for our list of the top 10 movies…
  • 12/25 - It’s a wonderful Christmas story! (by Bob Senitram)
    Follow Bob on Twitter orAsk Bob a question! I understand how folks really love the Jesus, but for some reason its always at the expense of others. I’ve always questioned…
  • 12/19 - Christmas Is Here And I’ve Gots The Spirit! (by Stephen Johnson)
    In Flames—A Sense Of Purpose MoTW—Black Christmas Since it's Christmas week and we're all supposed to be full of falsecheer and kindness towards our fellow man, I'm not going to…
  • 12/14 - I’m Back And I Wrote Stuff That You Can Read (by Stephen Johnson)
    Funkadelic—Uncle Jam Wants You! MoTW—The Haunted World Of El Superbeasto Well, I guess I'm back. And I guess some of you are wondering whathappened on my latest trip to NJ.…
  • 11/21 - The 2009 Roadtrip: The Unsatisfying Conclusion (by Stephen Johnson)
    Sonata Arctica—The Days Of Grays MoTW—Feast III: The Happy Finish 7:00 am: Woke up and hopped into the shower. Dressed and then loaded upthe car. 9:30 am: Stopped at a…
  • 11/14 - The 2009 Roadtrip: Part 9 (by Stephen Johnson)
    Devin Townsend Project—Addicted MoTW—The Deadly Spawn (Contrary to popular belief, I did not build a time machine and warpmyself to the next day. The last time listed on the last…
  • 11/07 - Another Detour: Michigan Wants You To Slaughter Bambi (by Stephen Johnson)
    Trans-Siberian Orchestra—Night Castle MoTW—War, Inc. "Fall is here, don't veer for deer" So sayeth the high-tech signs here, there and everywhere on the Michiganhighways. Which gets me to wondering: What…
  • 11/02 - The woman loves caulk! (by Bob Senitram)
    Leave a comment, or ask bob a question.Follow bob on Twitter. I’m just as sick of writing about political stuff, and I know you’re tired of reading it, so I’ll…
  • 10/24 - The 2009 Roadtrip: Part 8 (by Stephen Johnson)
    Kiss—Sonic Boom MoTW—Trick 'r Treat Wednesday 12:15 am: After downing a cocktail of Nyquil mixed with Kahlua, myscreaming peters off to sporadic outbursts of whimpering. I feel I'mready to go…
  • 10/17 - Another Break Because I’m Sick (by Stephen Johnson)
    Lynyrd Skynyrd—God + Guns MoTW—Nobel Son So here I am, sitting in front of the computer and writing somethingeven though I am sick. Don't know what it is, but this…
  • 10/10 - The 2009 Roadtrip: Part 7 (by Stephen Johnson)
    Foreigner—Can't Slow Down MoTW—Alien Trespass Tuesday 5:35 am: Wake up. Feel refreshed. Watch the usual "Married WithChildren" and "Saved By The Bell" mini-marathons. That fucking Screech! 8:45 am: The woman…
  • 09/28 - Do I Offend? (by Bob Senitram)
    Leave a comment, or ask bob a question. Follow bob on twitter. Once again a busy week at the Senitram residence. Last Sunday I mow my moms yard ‘cause she’s…
  • 09/26 - The 2009 Roadtrip: Part 6 (by Stephen Johnson)
    Muse—The Resistance MoTW—Crank 2: High Voltage 7:25 pm: After declining insurance and signing a waiver stating thatChuck's would not be responsible for any lost items, limbs or life, weare allowed…
  • 09/22 - KillerCon Vegas- my first day (by P.S. Gifford)
    What an interesting weekend this turned out to be. To be perfectly frank I wasn’t highly motivated about attending- and barely prepared for the trip. Besides I was broke- and…
  • 09/21 - I wish the world was filled with silly stories… (by Bob Senitram)
    Leave a comment, or ask bob a question.Follow bob on twitter. This is the part of the show where Bob gets tired of writing about serious stuff and decides to…
  • 09/19 - Finally! A Break From The Roadtrip! (by Stephen Johnson)
    Megadeth—Endgame MoTW—Sex Drive Due to nasty nightmares, I decided to take a break from writing aboutthe 2009 roadtrip. Thinking about what was to come next made me almostpuke, so I'm…
  • 09/12 - The 2009 Roadtrip: Part 5 (by Stephen Johnson)
    Therion—The Miskolc Experience MoTW—City Of Ember 1:06 pm: My crying is interrupted by a knock on the door. Thinking it'sthe authorities and/or some of the remaining hotel management, I run…
  • 09/11 - click for more info on P.S. Gifford (by P.S. Gifford)
    Foolproof plan “It’s a bloody foolproof plan!” Charlie Watkins stated matter-of-factly with the usual upbeat optimistic tone to his voice and then promptly, wit one gulp, downed the last of…
  • 08/29 - The 2009 Roadtrip: Part 4 (by Stephen Johnson)
    Warrior—Fighting For The Earth MoTW—Brothers Of The Head MONDAY 6:08 am: Woke up. Turned to TBS so I could watch a bit of "Married WithChildren". 6:11 am: Awake enough now.…
  • 08/27 - My experience at the Bram Stoker awards (by P.S. Gifford)
    I did the signing at Dark Delicacies on Thursday night- and whilst everyone else was heading back to the hotel to drink and mingle- I headed home. I live sixty…
  • 08/23 - The 2009 Roadtrip: Part 3 (by Stephen Johnson)
    Blue Oyster Cult—Club Ninja MoTW—Night Shift 6:12 pm: The shrieking continued and I wiped the blood from my eyes. Bigmistake. It's moments like this I wish I were struck with…
  • 08/22 - A terrible predicament (by P.S. Gifford)
    I have just been in a terrible predicament, A tight spot which I am sure will make the strongest stomached of readers wince. A dilemma which I have also considered…
  • 08/15 - The 2009 Roadtrip: Part 2 (by Stephen Johnson)
    Saga—10,000 Days MoTW—The Exterminator 3:00 pm: Entered New Jersey. Disguise on. Contacted the step sister andtold her we would be in town shortly. She sounded……really thrilled.The cops at the border…
  • 08/10 - Tallahassee Tea Time! (by Bob Senitram)
    Ask Bob a question : webmaster@theweirdcrap.comThis weeks question comes from Susan from Boston, Dear Bob,Recently I got poison ivy, but my boyfriend did not. Why are somepeople allergic and others…
  • 08/02 - The 2009 Roadtrip: Part 1 (by Stephen Johnson)
    Tygers Of Pan Tang—Animal Instinct MoTW—Watchmen So here it is…instead of sitting around home and trying to make asuper computer, I went out on the road in order to preach…
  • 07/29 - Check out P.S. Gifford’s website and details of his books (by P.S. Gifford)
    King for a day. by P.S. Gifford “Be treated like a King,” the flashy brochure said about the off the beacon track boutique hotel in Bordeaux. After the last few…
  • 07/27 - My Time Away… (by Bob Senitram)
    No, I didn’t go on any fancy vacation like Stephen, I just stopped writing columns for a while. I just decided to do other stuff. When you work and have…
  • 07/18 - Meatless Movie Questions (by Stephen Johnson)
    Dream Theater—Black Clouds & Silver Linings MoTW—BMX Bandits Movie review: These three young Australians who like bicycles find somewalkie talkies in a lake and sell them around town to make…
  • 07/13 - How I won the war or Love Dream #9 (by Bob Senitram)
    (Cont. from the week before last week and the week before last…) All around me soldiers are setting up for the major offensive. Digging holes, doin’ this, doin’ that…I don’t…
  • 07/11 - This Year’s Roadtrip Destination And Another Review (by Stephen Johnson)
    Lillian Axe—Sad Day On Planet Earth MoTW—Beowulf OK, since I had such a strong, positive reaction to last week's firstever movie review, I'm going to do it again, this time…
  • 07/04 - I Review A Movie!!!! (by Stephen Johnson)
    Cheap Trick—The Latest MoTW—Exit Speed Someone told me that since I don't work and sit around all day longwatching movies, that maybe I should review the movies I pick as…
  • 06/30 - P.S. Gifford’s website (by P.S. Gifford)
    The Button By P. S. Gifford “Press the F7 button on your keypad for a surprise.” The even toned voiced echoed from the computer’s speakers. “What? Who said that?” Andrew…
  • 06/27 - The Weakest Ending EVER (by Stephen Johnson)
    UFO—The Visitor MoTW—Stuck So I decided to make amends and cook dinner for me and the woman.Something fancy, something that we could enjoy in the candlelight at ourrarely used dining…
  • 06/18 - Check out my latest book! (by P.S. Gifford)
    Sid sat at the kitchen table, reading his morning newspaper. He couldn’t help but glance longingly at the empty chair across from him, especially as today was May 12th–his 75th…
  • 06/13 - Things Don’t Go My Way (by Stephen Johnson)
    Queensryche—American Soldier MoTW—Plague Town So there we were, me standing there holding the severed finger in theair with the woman screaming at me to give her the finger so she…
  • 06/06 - I’m Finally Set Free Due To A Stupid Family Tragedy (by Stephen Johnson)
    Chickenfoot—Chickenfoot MoTW—Ninja Cheerleaders Finally the day came when the woman decided to let me out of thebasement and it only took a nasty accident for this to happen. The woman's…
  • 05/24 - It’s Not Going To Stop Anytime Soon (by Stephen Johnson)
    Black Stone Cherry—Folklore And Superstition MoTW—Mother Of Tears I must apologise to those who wrote me nasty emails about killing ourpet goat and those that didn't take the time to…
  • 05/18 - TV TIME!!! (by Bob Senitram)
    Instead of finishing up all the technical magic that would allow us to post our columns on our own server, I choose to watch T.V. instead. For no particular reason…
  • 05/17 - Thou Shall Not Worship Those That Wear Bib Overalls (by Stephen Johnson)
    Paul Gilbert & Freddie Nelson—United States MoTW—This Is Not A Test It's a good thing Bob posts his shit on Sundays since it gives me 5-6days to let the anger…
  • 05/13 - Pre-order my next book for less than 8 dollars! (by P.S. Gifford)
    The Further Accounts of the Imaginary Friend — P.S. Gifford The Further Accounts of the Imaginary FriendExpected Release — June 1, 2009Genre: HorrorAuthor: P.S. GiffordRated: R The Imaginary Friend is…
  • 05/13 - How to pre-order my latest book for under 8 dollars (by P.S. Gifford)
    FURTHER ACCOUNTS OF THE IMAGINARY FRIEND to be Released on June 1, 2009 Virtual Tales, a publisher of eBooks, eSerials and trade paperbacks spanning a variety of fiction genres and…
  • 05/11 - The Message (by P.S. Gifford)
    The Message Yesterday was mother’s day. The basic plan was a day of laziness for my wife- who is the hardest working person I have ever known. She awoke yesterday…
  • 05/11 - Harry Husker is jealous God! (by Bob Senitram)
    This time he has gone too far. One advantage of writing my column on Sunday night is I can read the nonsensical dribble that appears each week on the “Lunatic…
  • 05/10 - I Might Have Went Way Too Far (by Stephen Johnson)
    Heaven & Hell—The Devil You Know MoTW—Control (2007) Amusingly, my post from a couple weeks might have crossed the line andwent a little bit too far. It's driven Bob to…
  • 04/27 - The Further Accounts of the Imaginary Friend. (by P.S. Gifford)
    I am thrilled to announce that my latest book is being printed as I type. Its first public outing will be in Nashville at the wildly entertaining HyperiCon- June 5th-7th…
  • 04/27 - The Further Accounts of the Imaginary Friend. (by P.S. Gifford)
    My latest book “The Further Accounts of the Imaginary Friend,” is being printed as I type. Its first two public outings wqill be at HyperiCon, with the likes of Brian…
  • 04/25 - Press The Button, Pull The String And Watch Him Dance! (by Stephen Johnson)
    Lacuna Coil—Shallow Life MoTW—Confessions Of A Superhero So it came to this. Instead of being a man (a rather short one at that),Mr. Goateed spunk decided he would drag children…
  • 04/20 - PC Alley (by Bob Senitram)
      Dave writes,Dear Bob,I come across TheWeirdcrap.com and noticed that there were blogs dating back to 2000!Are you guys internet millionaires yet? Dear Dave,It can best be explained like this……
  • 04/13 - My week with the Kids! (by Bob Senitram)
    The ol’ lady was out of town for a week so I took care of Baby Gurl I and Baby Gurl II all by my lonesome. This is harder than…
  • 04/11 - The Secret Formula That Keeps Your Underwear White! (by Stephen Johnson)
    Mastodon—Crack The Skye MoTW—JCVD I was going to continue my rant about the goateed wonderboy but guess Iwon't since he's too gutless to tell us why I can't read. I…
  • 04/11 - PS Gifford – Curious Accounts of the Imaginary Friend Promo … (by P.S. Gifford)
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  • 04/05 - That Formidable Fork On The Couch (by Stephen Johnson)
    The Michael Schenker Group—MSG MoTW—Role Models Here's the title of Bob's latest thing (I refuse to call anything hewrites a blog, column, article, essay, etc.): "Why Stephen can't read but…
  • 03/30 - Why Stephen can’t read, but hates to admit it… (by Bob Senitram)
    I finally got the archives for 2008 finished at MyStrangeStories.com. All the favorites from 2008 are at the 2008 Archives. This was important because each submitted story was posted on…
  • 03/28 - Mr. Goatee And Testicle Shopping (by Stephen Johnson)
    Chicago—XXXII: Stone Of Sisyphus MoTW—There Will Be Blood There's something going on in Bob's land, something I need to knowabout. It's something about Stephen and how he can't read. Is…
  • 03/26 - click here to discover more about P.S. Gifford- and why you should care. (by P.S. Gifford)
    ANTICIPATION By P.S. Gifford “Honey come look what I’ve wrote, “P.S. Gifford the horror author spoke. His wife ,Sarah, spoke hinting despair . “Okay my love I shall soon be…
  • 03/23 - Getting rid of unwanted aliens with spring cleaning! (by Bob Senitram)
    Now that all the snow is gone for the year, I enjoyed the entire weekend cleaning each (3) bedroom top to bottom; getting rid of old stuff and spraying for…
  • 03/17 - life is rarely dull when you are a parent to a sixteen year old.. (by P.S. Gifford)
    Life is rarely dull when you have sixteen year old boy in the house. Now I feel obliged to preface this by saying that Jonathan is typically a very well…
  • 03/17 - Teenagers (by P.S. Gifford)
    Life is rarely dull when you have sixteen year old boy in the house. Now I feel obliged to preface this by saying that Jonathan is typically a very well…
  • 03/14 - The Perils Of A Distracting Woman (by Stephen Johnson)
    Streets—1st MoTW—Repo! The Genetic Opera The woman and I were heading home after a horrible experience at thegrocery store (a story for another day) a week or so ago and…
  • 03/09 - Old Fashioned (by Bob Senitram)
    Well in the recent past I’ve entertained myself by watching “Iron Man”, excellent movie, the new “Batman” movie, I don’t remember what it was called exactly, “Transformers” (too much action),…
  • 03/02 - Can time stand still? (by Bob Senitram)
    Q: . If you have a humidifier and a dehumidifier running in the same room, will time stand still? A: . You would think so, since humidifers are used in…
  • 02/23 - Entombed (by P.S. Gifford)
    It all began with a bet. I would suspect that a lot of bad things begin with a bet. Well, that combined with an evening down at the pub. This…
  • 02/23 - My Fight With A Ferocious Feline (by Bob Senitram)
    A few years ago I made my living by driving a truck. I got my CDL back in 95′, drove over the road for a few years, then quit. When…
  • 02/22 - When The Animal Kingdom Goes Wild (Again) (by Stephen Johnson)
    Kick Axe—Rock The World MoTW—Zack And Miri Make A Porno I guess it was one of those weeks when the animal kingdom decided tostrike back……. Earlier this past week I…
  • 02/16 - Tax Time at TheWeirdcrap.com (by Bob Senitram)
    Well I started putting together my taxes via TurboTax. I used to pay a pretty penny to have those done. No easy task, last year the whole printout was 72…
  • 02/15 - A Masterpiece Hollywood Doesn’t Want You To See (by Stephen Johnson)
    Pat Travers—Black Pearl MoTW—Eden Lake Let me tell you a story. Let me tell you a story about a movie that you will probably never, eversee. It all started out…
  • 02/09 - Give to the UCVF (by Bob Senitram)
    Today I am going to discuss a very serious issue that will effect many Americans this year. Last week the President I once supported, mandated the first stage toward a…
  • 02/04 - The maddening world of P.S. Gifford (by P.S. Gifford)
    The Submission By P.S. Gifford Phil Griffin shook his head sharply from side to side, in abrupt harsh gestures. “One day I will show them!” He abruptly blurted out loud…
  • 01/27 - Imagine losing your hand? (by P.S. Gifford)
    I have just been in a terrible predicament. A tight spot which I am sure will make the strongest stomached of readers wince. A dilemma which I have also considered…
  • 01/24 - Fearless Predictions for 2009! (by Stephen Johnson)
    Y&T—Earthshaker MoTW—Unknown It's that time of the year again for me to look at my ball and predictwhat's gonna happen in the coming year. But first, let's check out last…
  • 01/21 - San Francisco account… (by P.S. Gifford)
    “The Curious Account of San Francisco.” Part one of a link embedded tale of my experience in San Francisco. On Saturday, bright and early, my wife and I hopped in…
  • 01/10 - Our Top Albums of 2008 (by Stephen Johnson)
    Rick Springfield—Venus In Overdrive MoTW—The Darwin Awards So we're done with our top movie picks of '08 (It's the one titled "OutTop Ten (or so) Movies of 2008". Notice the…
  • 01/06 - Double Feature (by Bob Senitram)
    Today’s column is twice as long because I’m not going to post another until Febuary so that I can work on some of the technical aspects of our sister site,…
  • 01/01 - Out Top Ten (or so) Movies of 2008 (by Stephen Johnson)
    Ayreon—-01011001 MoTW—An American Carol Well, it's a new year and it's that time for me to let our faithfulfollowing know what movies we found to be the best of the…
  • 12/29 - This time I’ve gone too far… (by Bob Senitram)
    A few days ago I got a nice Christmas card from my families spiritual elder which read like this: This time you’ve gone too far. This time you’ve gone too…
  • 12/22 - Cold Fingers (by Bob Senitram)
    Well I figured that after explaining how all life on Earth started, I needed a little break. Breaks over and again I have absolutely nothing to write about. Last week…
  • 12/13 - I Prove Something Here (by Stephen Johnson)
    Judas Priest—Nostradamus MoTW—Quantum of Solace I got this following email from Cindy who doesn't like me too much: "i've been reading your stuff occassionally and when I do I notice…
  • 12/12 - click here to discover more about P.S. Gifford (by P.S. Gifford)
    The Dentist Visit By P.S.Gifford. It was on Sunday night when it happened. Whilst I was watching the latest Hallmark movie on CBS, and doing the crying that always accompanies…
  • 12/09 - And now The End… (by Bob Senitram)
    I realized that I failed to conclude the exciting explanation of how life was created on Earth…I hope you read and the last three “Ask Bob’s”, otherwise this will make…
  • 12/07 - What I Did The Last (Almost) Two Weeks (by Stephen Johnson)
    Jon Oliva's Pain—Global Warning MoTW—Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead So I've taken a couple weeks of updating you with what's been going onin my super-duper life but now I'm…
  • 12/02 - The Bucket (by P.S. Gifford)
    The Bucket P.S. Gifford As a boy of eight I had very few toys. However, one thing I played with more than any other object was an old metal bucket.…
  • 11/17 - A Blast from the Past -Part II (by Bob Senitram)
    Before I tell you about the rock that fell from the sky, a little history is appropriate. That rock, now being studied by scientists was the result of a collision…
  • 11/15 - It’s My Birthday! Again! (by Stephen Johnson)
    In This Moment—The Dream MoTW—Frontier(s) Before I start this week's incoherent rambling, I want to give a thanksto Sachi who left a comment on something I wrote way back on…
  • 11/14 - The Great Shoe Caper (by P.S. Gifford)
    The Great Shoe CaperBy P.S. Gifford This is a true account, none of the names or facts have been changed to protect the innocent, as there were no actual innocents…
  • 11/10 - Blast from the Past! (by Bob Senitram)
    Before you go any further, check out the cool new design for the story section My Strange Stories!  TheWeirdcrap.com links are always on the top of the page and stories…
  • 11/08 - I’m NOT Apologising (by Stephen Johnson)
    Queen + Paul Rodgers—The Cosmos Rocks MoTW—Blood Feast In the immortal word from "Iron Eagle 2": DAMMIT!! I was all set to go this past Tuesday with my one-of-a-kind live…
  • 11/02 - Election Day Excitement!!!!!! (by Stephen Johnson)
    AC/DC—Black Ice MoTW—Postal Check this shit out! This Tuesday we at theweirdcrap.com are going to jump into the fray andprovide all day wall-to-wall coverage of the US elections! Which reminds…
  • 10/31 - A story for Halloween (by P.S. Gifford)
    The Pumpkin Patch By P.S. GiffordIs everybody sitting comfortably boys and girls? Jolly good then I shall begin… Peter Perry’s young pale blue eyes peeled open in pleasure as he…
  • 10/20 - The rubber that could,,, (by Bob Senitram)
    A few weeks ago I announced that the new blogger section (Strange Bloggin’s) was nearly ready to go…well, still not yet.  Time restraints have prevented me from doing what I…
  • 10/19 - Dark Delicacies Bookshop (by P.S. Gifford)
    This is where I will be signing my books on October 24th! Share on Facebook Tweet Follow us
  • 10/18 - The Least Thought Out Bit Of Writing I Might Have Ever Done (by Stephen Johnson)
    Into Eternity—The Incurable Tragedy MoTW—Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer After wasting your time with two months of "writing" about this yearsroadtrip, I now have to come up with something new, somethinginteresting,…
  • 10/10 - Killer Tits (by P.S. Gifford)
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  • 10/05 - The 2008 Roadtrip: The Grand Finale (by Stephen Johnson)
    Extreme—Saudades de Rock MoTW—Sundown: The Vampire In Retreat 2:00 pm: Just for the woman, stopped at the Boyd's Bear place thing. Nota lot of cars in the parking lot probably…
  • 09/29 - The Beast Within (by P.S. Gifford)
    By P.S. Gifford Suddenly he awoke, stretching lazily. He opened his eyes and looked straight into the glare of the fire which was blazing gleefully within the hearth. Momentarily startled…
  • 09/21 - The 2008 Roadtrip: Part 5 (by Stephen Johnson)
    Uriah Heep—Wake The Sleeper MoTW—10 Items Or Less 10:30 am: So we're off to find Devil's Den. The woman at the visitor'sbureau had told my woman it was up the…
  • 09/14 - The 2008 Roadtrip: Part 4 (by Stephen Johnson)
    Metallica—Death Magnetic MoTW—Zodiac (Note: Thankfully, not one long paragraph this time. However, thefollowing does flip between present and past tense a bit. That's whathappens when you don't finish school kiddies!)…
  • 09/02 - Eight is Enough. (by Bob Senitram)
    Out of all the sayings in the Democratic Convention, “Eight is Enough” was my favorite; although I liked it when Hillary said, “No how, no way, no McCain.” I like…
  • 08/31 - The 2008 Roadtrip: Part 3 (by Stephen Johnson)
    The Sword—Gods of the Earth MoTW—Broken (A note before you begin: This is one really long paragraph. You've beenwarned.) 9:00 pm: The tour starts. Hooray! About 30 people taking part…
  • 08/27 - Imagination land- and major book signing. (by P.S. Gifford)
    P.S. Gifford shall be signing his two recent books at Dark Delicacies in Burbank on October 24th- for more onformation please visit http://www.darkdel.com/ and click under signings and events…As you…
  • 08/27 - Imagination land- and major book signing. (by P.S. Gifford)
    P.S. Gifford shall be signing his two recent books at Dark Delicacies in Burbank on October 24th- for more onformation please visit www.dark.del.com and click under signings and events…As you…
  • 08/25 - Just give ‘em a big hug. (by Bob Senitram)
    Obama finally picked his running mate in the Presidential campaign. Seems like Edwards was out and Hillary’s campaign was too vicious for her to get picked. His choice shows a…
  • 08/18 - BMS –big meat sandwich? (by Bob Senitram)
    I’m not going to explain what the title means, suffice to say “Harold and Kumar escape from Guantanamo Bay” is the best movie I’ve seen this summer. “Batman,” good special…
  • 08/17 - The 2008 Roadtrip: Part 2 (by Stephen Johnson)
    Asia—Phoenix MoTW—Out There 3:25 pm: Found Centralia after driving through it. Saw signs withmileage leading up to Centralia, but someone managed to end up at theend of a road with…
  • 08/13 - TrueLove- Tasha’s story. (by P.S. Gifford)
    Yesterday was one of the hardest days of my life. I made the difficult decision to have my beloved Tasha- a gorgeous German shepherd/ Collie mix to sleep. She had…
  • 08/11 - Bob’s collapse. (by Bob Senitram)
    Blane writes:What’s up? Bob writes back:A poem by Bob Senitram, Hiroshima cable special,the baby’s melted on the road,bombers get the thumbs up,Americans cheer. Terror nightmares,and a weekday beer buzz.late again,they…
  • 08/10 - The 2008 Roadtrip: Part 1 (by Stephen Johnson)
    Opeth—Watershed MoTW—It's Alive Another year and another roadtrip done. I know you're thrilled and ready to read about this latest trip. It's adoozy, I'm tellin' ya! A real DOOZY! So…
  • 07/26 - The Letdown That Is The Finale Of The Real True Story Of That Trip (by Stephen Johnson)
    Kim Mitchell—Ain't Life Amazing MoTW—Funny Money I suppose I did because I brushed off the road dirt from my customfitted jumpsuit, put it on, told Spunky the lowdown of the…
  • 07/21 - Who is that guy? (by Bob Senitram)
    Bill writes:So who is this Stephen guy who writes the other column? Bob writes:Dear Bill,Although you may hear otherwise on TV or other web sites, Stephen is the “O.B.” The…
  • 07/15 - If they can put a man on the moon… (by Bob Senitram)
    Jim writes:If they can put a man on the moon, why can’t they make a tv dinner to my liking? Bob writes;Dear Jim,This is one of the many faults of…
  • 07/13 - Now I Am Nothing But A Pawn (by Stephen Johnson)
    Journey—Revelation MoTW—In A Dark Place "Hey, i didn't say anything about the trash, k? not that i even have tomention it, thanks" I received the above message on my cell…
  • 07/07 - Killer Tits (by P.S. Gifford)
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  • 07/06 - My Neighbors Hate Me And I Don’t Know Why (by Stephen Johnson)
    Motley Crue—Saints of Los Angeles MoTW—Stardust As I sit here trying to figure out something, anything to write about, aparty is going on next door, a party which we were,…
  • 07/04 - Hypericon blog… (by P.S. Gifford)
    I can honestly say that HyperiCon was one of the greatest weekends of my life- and it was privelage to be there and be a part of it. It was…
  • 06/22 - I Have Some Explaining To Do (by Stephen Johnson)
    Korpiklaani—Korven Kuningas MoTW—Hairspray I got a nasty email from someone associated with this site asking why Ihadn't submitted anything new for the last few weeks. Since I'm paid quite handsomely…
  • 06/09 - My Struggle with everyday life (by Bob Senitram)
    This is how my week went and how I managed to cope. On Monday I attempted to fix my daughters window shade which had fallen down for the seventeenth time.…
  • 06/02 - PS Gifford’s weird website (by P.S. Gifford)
    Helpful Hints from Helloise Thanks for all the feedback on last months helpful hint ‘Be kind to your chainsaw and it will be kind to you.’ And Bob in the…
  • 06/02 - The Devil Made Me Do It. (by Bob Senitram)
    On the day I died, I was expecting a big meeting with Angelic attorneys that would put me on a trial. The Godly prosecutors would argue I shouldn’t go to…
  • 06/01 - I Tried, I Failed, I Gained (by Stephen Johnson)
    King's X—XV MoTW—Hello Mary Lou: Prom Night II I decided that my next step in my presidential run would be to hit thetown Michael Moore style and get some serious…
  • 05/18 - Someone’s Loss Is My Gain (by Stephen Johnson)
    Whitesnake—Good To Be Bad MoTW—Big Nothing A few days ago, as I was putting the finishing touches on myeco-friendly prez-mobile, I heard the doorbell ring. Thinking it was someone looking…
  • 05/16 - The Perfect Man – By PS Gifford (by P.S. Gifford)
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  • 05/12 - CRASH!!! (by Bob Senitram)
    Well the new story section is coming along quite nicely. It’s been available to the general public on the internet for two weeks and we already have over 2,500 visits…
  • 05/11 - Kudos to Bob, Plus I “Accidentally” Tell You His Real Indentity (by Stephen Johnson)
    Def Leppard—Songs From the Sparkle Lounge MoTW—Sisters As I work feverishly on my campaign, Bob sits quietly at home with his17 chilluns, surfing the web for obscure midget porn and…
  • 05/06 - psgifford.com (by P.S. Gifford)
    Molly It was on the third anniversary of wife’s death that Molly came into my life. I realized, at age thirty-four, that I could not bear being alone anymore- and…
  • 05/05 - STRIKE! (by Bob Senitram)
    Finally the TV writers strike is over, just in time for the end of the season. In my life that means I can watch episodes of the Bionic Chick; however,…
  • 04/27 - Lies! All Lies! (Kind Of) (by Stephen Johnson)
    Death Angel—Killing Season MoTW—Shivers Well, it was bound to happen eventually. My campaign has been going sublimely strongly with no hitches to speakof until now but luckily it's just a…
  • 04/14 - A BLAST FROM THE PAST… (by Bob Senitram)
    It’s been a few weeks since I last wrote a column, I don’t know why. It seems after writing a weekly column for 9 years, I just seem to run…
  • 04/13 - The Name Game (by Stephen Johnson)
    The B-52s—Funplex MoTW—Straight Into Darkness As my muted, low-key running for the presidency continues, I keepthinking of reasons why I would be a grand choice for that covetedposition, most of…
  • 04/09 - PS Gifford’s website (by P.S. Gifford)
    Brick by brick By P.S. Gifford Ed paused from his task and took another long, steady swig from his bottle. “Boy, did I need that,” he said wiping spittle from…
  • 04/03 - the weird worlds of P.S. Gifford (by P.S. Gifford)
    Long Memories Mary Higgins sat there looking at the screwdriver in her hand and then looked at the body of her dying husband at the site of the new house…
  • 03/30 - It’s Starting Oh Yes It Is (by Stephen Johnson)
    Warbringer—War Without End MoTW—The Hoax As I wander around this little burb I live in and as I duck and run forcover everytime I happen to find myself in downtown…
  • 03/26 - Just for you… (by P.S. Gifford)
    By P.S. Gifford Have you ever wanted to murder someone? Please, please, read on I am deadly serious. So, have you ever wanted to murder someone? I don’t mean wished…
  • 03/13 - The Razor (by P.S. Gifford)
    As I feel my stubble on my chin.I stare at my straight-razor,sitting patiently on my sink top.It twinkles menacingly in the neon overhead light.Almost as if trying to communicate with…
  • 03/12 - Curious Accounts of the Imaginary Friend – Promo (by P.S. Gifford)
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  • 03/10 - The Next Four years (by Bob Senitram)
    The following is a dream I had. I’m quite sure it will come true because many of my dreams have come true in the past. The proof: One time at…
  • 03/09 - An Announcement of the Highest Magnitude (by Stephen Johnson)
    Avantasia—The Scarecrow MoTW—Can't Stop The Music I can remember a few years ago when I made the momentous decision tothrow all caution to the wind and announce my candidacy to…
  • 03/03 - COMING SOON? (by Bob Senitram)
    Before I get to the nitty-gritty, someone, somewhere is probably wondering, “Why isn’t TheWeirdcrap.com never updated like it used to be?” Well, the reason is the old site is running…
  • 02/24 - What Follows Has No Title (by Stephen Johnson)
    Loverboy—Just Getting Started MoTW—Beyond The Valley Of The Dolls Best Buy just doesn't do "it" for me anymore. I don't know, maybe I'mgetting old and a bit behind the times…
  • 02/23 - 30% off Virtual Tales eBooks/eSerials with better delivery (by P.S. Gifford)
    Virtual Tales is offering for a limited time only the best price you can get anywhere on these titles, what more it is easy to get a free trial of…
  • 02/22 - A true tale… (by P.S. Gifford)
    The Yorkshire Honeymoon By P.S .GiffordOn September 26th 1998 I got married. A date I shall never forget, in fact a date I am terrified to forget if truth be…
  • 02/11 - After 2 years, I finally get an email! (by Bob Senitram)
    Grant from Michigan writes:A few months ago you said McCain was’t worth mentioning in the Iowa pre-vote caucus deal…now he’s the main man. What’s up with that smarty-pants! Dear Grant:I…
  • 02/10 - The One Where I Write About Important Things (by Stephen Johnson)
    Prince—Planet Earth MoTW—The Lookout To those that stopped by expecting the final chapter in that littleknown opus of my real trip from last year, well………tough shit. Fornow. Instead I'd rather…
  • 02/04 - Terror on the High Seas! A.k.a. The Bionic Woman does Dallas (by Bob Senitram)
    I kept promising a new episode of “The Bionic Woman”, but I haven’t bothered; now my back is against the wall since the writer’s strike is about to end! The…
  • 02/01 - Curious Accounts of the Imaginary Friend – Promo (by P.S. Gifford)
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  • 02/01 - The Plight- Audio adpation. (by P.S. Gifford)
    http://www.psgifford.com/Sounds/BSAP_ThePlight.mp3 This was done by the very talented folks over at www.brokensea.com ENJOY! Paul Share on Facebook Tweet Follow us
  • 01/27 - Fearless Predictions for 2008 (by Stephen Johnson)
    Eagles—Long Road Out Of Eden MoTW—Hot Rod Well, it's a little bit late compared to the last few years but betterlate than never, right? RIGHT? But before I gaze into…
  • 01/17 - The Kiss (by P.S. Gifford)
    I am sure that everyone remembers that first kiss.I don’t mean the first time your lips touched another’s…But that first genuine kiss, when sparks ignited,and all at once, two souls…
  • 01/14 - The Best of 2007! (by Bob Senitram)
    In this week’s column, Stephen Johnson listed my favorite album as “High School Musical 2” and my favorite concert a “Hanna Montana” concert. In response I must defend myself. Just…
  • 01/13 - The Only Lists That Matter! My Top Ten Movies and Music of 2007 (by Stephen Johnson)
    Chris Caffery—Pins and Needles MoTW—Black X-Mas I've been doing these lists the last few years and, since nobody reads'em, I'm going to keep on doing them anyway because I can.…
  • 01/04 - The Perfect Man – By PS Gifford (by P.S. Gifford)
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  • 12/31 - New Years Resolution 2008! (by Bob Senitram)
    It’s getting close to 2008 and I just can’t hold back the new changes for the new year! We’re moving into the next generation of web sites. The new and…
  • 12/30 - The REAL TRUE Story of That Trip: Part 8 (by Stephen Johnson)
    Dream Theater–Systematic Chaos MoTW—The Bourne Ultimatum As I lay on the pavement with my saviour cradling me in their arms, Iopened my eyes and found myself staring into the greenest…
  • 12/26 - OH HOLY NIGHT (by Bob Senitram)
    I didn’t have a Christmas special to write about this year, so I decided to wait until I finished my Christmas and see what comes. But for those who love…
  • 12/18 - POSH-POSH (by Bob Senitram)
    These last few weeks have been a little busy, but that’s just the way it is with Thanksgiving, Christmas and kids. Baby-gurl 1 had a Thanksgiving deal-eo, but I couldn’t…
  • 12/16 - The Real Story OF That Trip: Part 7 (by Stephen Johnson)
    Lillian Axe—Waters Rising MoTW—Superbad Let's play Mad Libs! Half-naked, I _______ over to the pickup truck prepared to do what wasmeant to be done. Cackling wildly, he rummaged around the…
  • 12/15 - Curious Accounts of the Imaginary Friend – Promo (by P.S. Gifford)
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  • 12/02 - THE Real Story of That Trip: Part 6 (by Stephen Johnson)
    The Cult—Born Into This MoTW—Live Free Or Die Harder So there I was, staring down the barrel of a shotgun that was held by anold geezer with the serious shakes.…
  • 11/30 - P.S. Gifford information (by P.S. Gifford)
    Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the land- Were people busy shopping, unlike they had planned. Yes they’d intended to go early- not get caught unaware so in…
  • 11/26 - The Best of Senitram! (by Bob Senitram)
    Since I got absolutely no ideas on what to write and all the writers are on strike, I decided to post this column from 5 years ago…enjoy, the Best of…
  • 11/21 - Happy Thanksgiving everyone! (by P.S. Gifford)
    Twas the night before Thanksgiving. P.S. Gifford Twas the night before ThanksgivingAnd all through the farmcame smells of pies baking;pumpkin, apple, and pecan When armed with me gunOut to the…
  • 11/18 - The Real STORY of That Trip: Part 5 ( With Some Bonus Detours) (by Stephen Johnson)
    Iced Earth—Framing Armageddon: Something Wicked Part 1 MoTW—Point Blank Since the needle on the gas gauge was hovering a bit below the "E", Idid what any normal person would do…
  • 11/12 - 24 (by Bob Senitram)
    Just when the networks got rid of all those lame reality shows and graced us with real TV shows that requires writers, the writers decided that they wanted a piece…
  • 11/08 - You can purchase my book here (by P.S. Gifford)
    What are you afraid of?” Yes you reading these words quietly to yourself… “What are you afraid of?” Perhaps you have heard of me and are familiar with my style…
  • 11/06 - STRIKE! (by Bob Senitram)
    I’m sure with the professional style writing you enjoy here at TheWeirdcrap.com, you were not expecting a column because of the writers strike currently going on. However, we are not…
  • 11/04 - The Real Story of THAT Trip: Part 4 (by Stephen Johnson)
    Scorpions—Humanity Hour 1 MoTW—Smokin' Aces So who was this "Night Rider" character? Some sort of cartoon charactercome to life or just another figment of my sometimes over-nonproductiveimagination? Granted, he did…
  • 10/29 - Happy Halloween (by Bob Senitram)
    I’m very excited about Baby Gurl II sleeping all night! Although, I’m still suffering a little sleep deprivation due to a nasty cold I got. The other night I took…
  • 10/25 - P.S Gifford’s webpage (by P.S. Gifford)
    Perception By P.S. Gifford The grey walled, windowless, auditorium, full of first year fidgety psychology students, went silent as the lights were dimmed. Professor Henderson, standing behind a podium at…
  • 10/22 - The REAL Story of that Trip in One Part (So Far) (by Stephen Johnson)
    (NOTE: Here it is, in all it's glory, the real story of that trip sofar. For those that haven't kept up, now's your chance. For thosecouple who have, I just…
  • 10/12 - Audio Drama to “The Plight” (by P.S. Gifford)
    Check it out- plus so much more… www.brokensea.com I have a new story up as an audio drama each Thursday until the end of the month. PS Gifford Oh and…
  • 10/07 - The TRUE Story of that Trip: Part 3 (by Stephen Johnson)
    Ted Nugent—Love Grenade MoTW—Hook, Line and Sinker I was making good time now, the engine wailing like a cat in heat whilethe dual water-cooled intra-exhaust chrome plated super-sized goldcoated super-duper-charged…
  • 10/05 - My day-this just happened. (by P.S. Gifford)
    Whoever said that history repeats itself was bang on the money. I am sitting here, with a mouthful of gauze after spending three and a half hours at the dentist.…
  • 10/01 - PS Gifford’s latest blog (by P.S. Gifford)
    The Tree of HopeP.S. Gifford I shall never forget that particular Friday afternoon in April1976. I was just a tender and impressionable eleven years old that was my final year…
  • 09/24 - Just a Blog… (by Bob Senitram)
    Well as about six people may have noticed last week, I did not post a blog. I wrote one, but decided not to post it…it just wasn’t worth it. It…
  • 09/23 - The REAL Story of That Trip: Part Two (by Stephen Johnson)
    Dave Davies—Fractured Mindz MoTW—The Last Man on Earth "Breaker. Breaker. Breaker. Breaker. BREAker. BreaKER.Breakerbreakerbreakerbreakerbre.." "What the fuck do you want?!" "This here's Ducky Rubber, got four on the floor and…
  • 09/18 - two non-poems (by P.S. Gifford)
    Bad water… By P.S. GiffordThere is surely something wrong with our water supply,for when I awoke this morning my mouth was so dry.My head it did ache, and a felt…
  • 09/11 - Listen- if you dare that is…. (by P.S. Gifford)
    Hear our teaser trailer …. http://www.brokensea.com/BSAP_HalloweenTeaser.mp3 http://www.psgifford.com/news.html Featuring the poem “All Hallows Eve” by PS Gifford Several of my stories will be featured as audio plays. www.psgifford.com Share on Facebook…
  • 09/10 - Shongs Part Last (by Bob Senitram)
    Continued from the last several weeks… “So how did you get here?” I asked. “You want the long version or the short one?” “Short” I replied. “You’ve been left our…
  • 09/09 - The TRUE Story of That Trip (by Stephen Johnson)
    Neal Morse—Sola Scriptura MoTW—Halloween So here it is, the REAL story of the vacation. None of that namby-pambybullshit you (might have) read before, but the real-deal, no cornerscut, unexpurgated, uncut,…
  • 09/04 - Shongs Part Trice (by Bob Senitram)
    NOTE FROM MR. SENITRAM: Sorry folks, looks like I took another month off and just left you guyshangin’. Well, here’s the rest of the Shongs dream. If youdidn’t read the…
  • 08/30 - Ivy Inn (by P.S. Gifford)
    By P.S. Gifford As soon as we both saw the old wooden hand painted sign proclaiming the hotel’s name as The Ivy Inn we knew it was going to be…
  • 08/20 - Day Three Of The Trip You Don’t Want To Hear About (by Stephen Johnson)
    Echoes of Eternity—The Forgotten Goddess MoTW—Hexed Got up early again for this, the third day, and back to the Flying J wewent, this time to enjoy their breakfast buffet. Fuck…
  • 08/13 - Day Two Of The Trip You Could Care Less About (by Stephen Johnson)
    Porcupine Tree—Fear of a Blank Planet MoTW—The Prestige Day two and we're up bright and early, ready for the Rock And Roll Hallof Fame in Cleveland, OH. Got there about…
  • 08/07 - The Remarkable Journey (by P.S. Gifford)
    By P.S. Gifford It was on a chillingly cold and crisp October early morning several years ago that our peculiar tale began. Although perhaps there is a valid argument to…
  • 08/06 - Shongs Part Two (by Bob Senitram)
    Shongs Part Two If you missed the first part of this dream, that’s kinda too bad because I haven’t gotten around to updated the archives for the blogs this whole…
  • 08/05 - Day One Of The Trip You Could Care Less About (by Stephen Johnson)
    Within Temptation—The Heart of Everything MoTW—Hot Fuzz So I've been thinking about this for the last couple days and have cometo the decision that nobody really wants to hear about…
  • 07/24 - Visit my revamped website (by P.S. Gifford)
    I willingly burn for you… By P.S Gifford God you’re hot.-And hotter today than ever before.You are all I ever think about,You are my passion,My very reason for being…I dream…
  • 07/24 - Shongs (by Bob Senitram)
    Instead of writing something insightful or political, I’m going to grace you with another on of my bizarre dreams. They seem entertaining and I have them whether I want them…
  • 07/23 - His Heaving Bosom Was Crushed As She Pulled Him To Her And (by Stephen Johnson)
    Marty Friedman—Loudspeaker MoTW—Excalibur Did one of those annual canoe trips this past weekend, this time on adifferent river which was much, much farther away than the last few. This time…
  • 07/17 - The eye’s have it… (by Bob Senitram)
    This is Part II of a vision I call love dream number 6 which occurred to me as a dream. When we left off our hero was deep underground with…
  • 07/09 - One foot in the past and one in the future… (by Bob Senitram)
    I must share with you a vision I call love dream number 6. Another day at the underground factory. Down the elevator I go with a host of co-workers…we all…
  • 07/08 - Imagine You Read This (Or Not) (by Stephen Johnson)
    Symphony X—Paradise Lost MoTW—The Doom Generation So, you've had a week to think about what your response would have been.To those who have no clue what I'm talking about well,…
  • 07/05 - The most Peculiar and Unexpected Revenge of a Mild-mannered Insurance Salesman (by P.S. Gifford)
    By P.S. Gifford Paul Stanton was at breaking point. The truth of the matter in fact was that Paul had been close to breaking point now for several years… Years…
  • 07/01 - The Streak Was Broken, But For a Very Good Reason (by Stephen Johnson)
    Sonata Arctica—Unia MoTW—Day of the Animals Guess I lost that streak of posting on consecutive weeks. What a bummer. There's a good reason why it ended at two weeks. To…
  • 06/26 - Trouble again (by Bob Senitram)
    Well now that I got my computer situation all situated, I’m writing on windows vista. It’s kinda neat but, I think I need an upgraded graphic card for it to…
  • 06/20 - A Second Chance. (by P.S. Gifford)
    By P.S.Gifford Mr. Philips looked despondently at his beloved Border terrier as he carried him in his arms from the taxi to the vet’s office door. That morning the inevitable…
  • 06/19 - Beautiful, Beautiful, Angel Poo (by Bob Senitram)
    Ok this is goin‘ up a day late, but I just got a new PC from work and I had to rearrange the entire household computer network. It only cost…
  • 06/17 - Whoa! Two Weeks in a Row? (by Stephen Johnson)
    Fair To Midland—Fables From A Mayfly: What I Tell You Three Times IsTrue MoTW—The Mesmerist Check it out: Two weeks and two postings from me! Ain't that grand? I had…
  • 06/12 - If the soup don’t stink… (by Bob Senitram)
    As I was explainin’, the world has been waiting for the first lander on a nearby planet. A first, for the space administration’s new mission of reaching for the stars.…
  • 06/10 - Questions? Answers? Answers! Questions! And A Comment! (by Stephen Johnson)
    REO Speedwagon—Find Your Own Way Home MoTW—Accepted I try to respond to any blurb left in the comment section (link below)unless it's a 20,000 word definition about geology which is…
  • 06/05 - Just a bit o’ the chills (by Bob Senitram)
    Before I tell you about the rock that fell from the sky, a little history is appropriate. That rock, now being studied by scientists was the result of a collision…
  • 05/30 - meaninglessness (by P.S. Gifford)
    The L.C.D clock flashed 1:17. Evan stared at it without a flicker with any indication of emotion evident on his unshaven face.‘I wonder if it is morning or night,’ he…
  • 05/29 - The proof is in the Ballpark (by Bob Senitram)
    This is part three of the story, which explains all life on planet Earth. Because you asked. When we left off, Bobby Franks took the day off work, sneezed and…
  • 05/27 - Advice For The Creators of “Lost” Along With Other Nuggets From My Ass (by Stephen Johnson)
    Megadeth—United Abominations MoTW—Pan's Labyrinth Here's an idea for the creators of "Lost" that will help make their showbetter: Kill Kate. This past season whenever she was onscreen, I found my…
  • 05/27 - Advice For The Creators Of “Lost” Along With Other Nuggets From My Ass (by Stephen Johnson)
    Megadeth—United Abominations MoTW—Pan's Labyrinth Here's an idea for the creators of "Lost" that will help make their showbetter: Kill Kate. This past season whenever she was onscreen, I found my…
  • 05/23 - The busy week (by Bob Senitram)
    This was a busy week for me. My employer sent me to Las Vegas for a few days which you think would have been a fun filled adventure in between…
  • 05/16 - P.S Gifford’s webpage (by P.S. Gifford)
    Murder he wrote. By P.S. Gifford I suppose, in hindsight, that plotting to kill my wife was not a very good notion from the get go. However, it had all…
  • 05/14 - What’s it all about? (by Bob Senitram)
    Jimmy from NY asks:All this talk about creation and evolution confuses me, just how did we get here? Bob writes back:Well that’s a tricky one it is. I don’t know…
  • 05/10 - Brick by Brick… (by P.S. Gifford)
    Brick by Brick… By P.S. Gifford Ed paused from his task and took another long, steady swig from his bottle. “Boy, did I need that,” he said wiping spittle from…
  • 05/07 - My Wedding Crashing days (by Bob Senitram)
    I was amazed when I read Stephen’s (http://lunaticravingstheweirdcrap.blogspot.com) last column! Not because he didn’t ruin the wedding he attended, but because he’s still shacked up with his ol’ lady. I…
  • 05/07 - I Now Love Weddings!!! (by Stephen Johnson)
    Rush—Snakes & Arrows MoTW—The Protector Wow! How wrong I was! I expected the wedding and reception to be a particularly gruelingaffair, what with the no alcohol rule and my not…
  • 04/30 - Dating advice! (by Bob Senitram)
    Susan writes: Hey bob, I got a date with a guy I kinda like and want to look nice. My roommate Candy invited me to pick through her clothes, because…
  • 04/29 - Funky Boy Goes Shopping (by Stephen Johnson)
    The Bus Boys—Boys Are Back In Town MoTW—Edmond I guess to some people it's a joke my car got hit by an errant mattress.I guess the same people think that…
  • 04/24 - A horror writer so Partial to Worplay. (by P.S. Gifford)
    A horror writer, so partial to wordplayAlways knew precisely what to say-He was never perplexedAt what words to say nextUpon dying, thanked those carrying him away P.S. Gifford has been…
  • 04/23 - Strategizin’ real hard (by Bob Senitram)
    “Billy” from ‘The East Coast’ writes: Dear Mr. Bob,Many of the folks workin’ beneath me say you don’t know what you’re talking about when goin’ political. But time seems to…
  • 04/17 - Anna, Anna, Anna… (by Bob Senitram)
    A day late on posting my regular Monday column; however, I was pretty sick and I just didn’t have the energy to think about anything. Luckily the bug only lasted…
  • 04/15 - A Long Rambling About My Accident, With Two or Three Funny Bits (by Stephen Johnson)
    Lordi—The Arockalypse MoTW—Grindhouse A couple weeks ago I decided to take a few days off from my wanderingsand musings so that I could simply sit around doing nothing exceptwatching Wrestlemania…
  • 04/09 - Random thoughts for the bored (by Bob Senitram)
    Now that the ol’ lady is back, I’m able to get some stuff done around the house. Today I networked the computer in our basement to the new computer and…
  • 04/08 - I’ll Be Back Next Week! (by Stephen Johnson)
    Nothing new (again) this week but I promise all of you that therereally, truly will be something new for you to peruse next week. What with the baseball season starting…
  • 04/06 - Jacob Nichols- (by P.S. Gifford)
    Jacob Nichols pulse quickened as he carefully examined the battered face glaring back at him. He squirmed uncomfortably at the undeniably evil features- everything from the tired blood shot eyes,…
  • 04/02 - Last Minute, Last Supper for Gentiles! (by Bob Senitram)
    Thomas from Boston:Bob, I want to do more than hide Easter eggs this season. Any ideas for what will make this Easter special? Bob writes:I assume you got kids ‘cause…
  • 03/30 - REVIEWS! (by P.S. Gifford)
    http://www.mobipocket.com/en/eBooks/category.asp?CategoryID=74&Name=Horror Wonderful book ! by Faye Sizemore on 29 March 2007 (note 5/5)P.S. Gifford is a writer who will escort you, unknowingly, to an unprecieved destination leaving you in awe…
  • 03/26 - I’m Better Than a 13 Year-Old (by Stephen Johnson)
    In This Moment—Beautiful Tragedy MoTW—Brazil Here I am again with absolutely nothing to say. I guess it would be fun taking a month or so off from writing aboutstuff, but…
  • 03/22 - My blog this week is a podcast… (by P.S. Gifford)
    http://www.brokensea.com/BrokenSea/Twinkle_Twinkle.mp3 Share on Facebook Tweet Follow us
  • 03/19 - The dope of the Ring (by Bob Senitram)
    Susan from New York Writes:I read your column last week and it seems you got several bags of trash bags for the price of one. What are you complaining about?…
  • 03/14 - Read Only if You’re Really Bored (by Stephen Johnson)
    Eddie Hazel—Games, Dames and Guitar Thangs MoTW—Year of the Comet I couldn’t come up with anything to write about last week. This week is the same. But I can’t let…
  • 03/12 - Those damn bags (by Bob Senitram)
    Wayne from ___________? Writes: am i stupid Bob writes:First of all I’m not gonna pick on you for omitting punctuation or capitol letters, that would just be too easy. There…
  • 03/08 - My long awaited return (by Saint Garion)
    The Lord, unhappy that I have not posted to this blog in such a long time has taken to shitting on my bed. In response I’ve erected a wooden cross…
  • 03/06 - And Yet (by Saint Garion)
    The Lord, unhappy that I have not posted to this blog in such a long time has taken to shitting on my bed. In response I’ve erected a wooden cross…
  • 03/05 - Killer tits- (by P.S. Gifford)
    The Extraordinary Case of the Killer Tits of Derby. By P.S.GiffordHilda Weatherspoon was the sort of woman men ogled in women’s underwearadverts. At twenty-four she was most red blooded chap’s…
  • 03/05 - Some nice time off! (by Bob Senitram)
    Susan of Tacoma asks, Bob, My husband and I have one child and that’s all we can afford. I want my husband to have a vasectomy; however, he resists. Why…
  • 03/05 - My Awesome Ability, Britney & Hair (by Stephen Johnson)
    Focus—Focus III MoTW—Tenacious D in the Pick of Destiny I bring you this piece taken from a column on this here site, dated1/7/07: “A pseudo-starlet will be found dead in…
  • 02/23 - A little bit of dirt never hurt anyone- (by P.S. Gifford)
    By P.S.Gifford Wallace Montgomery slumped at his kitchen table dressed in nothing more than grayish white boxer shorts. The girth of his behind overflowed on the wicker chair. In front…
  • 02/19 - The End of the Guinea Pigging (with a life lesson) (by Stephen Johnson)
    Therion—Gothic Kabbalah MoTW—Sweet Revenge Even with Jerome wailing like a cat in heat, we made it across theborder with no problems. Finding the hotel was also no issue even though…
  • 02/15 - This weeks blog is a link- (by P.S. Gifford)
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cmLbD-rqrB0&feature=PlayList&p=C46DD2D0474525C9&index=0 me on you tube. I know many of you must have wondered what I look and sound like- Now is your chance to find out… PSG Share on Facebook…
  • 02/12 - The Guinea Pigging Goes Horribly Wrong? (by Stephen Johnson)
    The Cross—Mad: Bad: and dangerous to know MoTW—Benchwarmers While I waited for the loyal test subject to show up, I debated on whothe next phase of the testing should be…
  • 02/05 - THE PACKAGE (by P.S. Gifford)
    I was startled yesterday by a knock on my front door. And so surely must have been the poor person knocking, as, not used to disturbances, both my large knocks…
  • 02/05 - Even More About That Guinea Pig Thing (by Stephen Johnson)
    Ram Jam—Portrait of the Artist as a Young Ram MoTW—TerrorVision I sprang into action as the garage door rose. While motioning to her to not park in the garage, I…
  • 01/30 - ROBBIE (by P.S. Gifford)
    Robbie studied his metallic face in the mirror. He looked intently at the cold unemotional face staring back at him. ‘I am such a fine looking robot,’ he thought, ‘surely…
  • 01/30 - Robbie (by P.S. Gifford)
    Robbie studied his metallic face in the mirror. He looked intently at the cold unemotional face staring back at him. ‘I am such a fine looking robot,’ he thought, ‘surely…
  • 01/23 - FOOLISH DEEDS (by P.S. Gifford)
    By P.S. Gifford David Grainger opened his eyes, and automatically glanced at his wristwatch, all at once a complete panic overwhelms him, as he remembered what a special day it…
  • 01/22 - All of it!!! (by Bob Senitram)
    This just in…we got NEW STORIES at www.AlarminglyStrangeStories.com!!!Go to the Strange Stories link and enjoy the new stuff. I’ve been too busy with a toddler and a newborn, but now…
  • 01/22 - The Guinea Pigging Continues (by Stephen Johnson)
    Winger—IV MoTW—Axe The woman on The Weather Channel looked particularly fetching that dayand that, combined with the semi-clothed woman in the issue of GoodHousekeeping, caused quite the buildup and then…
  • 01/15 - I Become a Human Guinea Pig! (by Stephen Johnson)
    Buckcherry—15 MoTW—Ultraviolet Before you get started here, go ahead and take a moment to visit MasterGifford’s column under the “Paperback Writer” linkage thing locatedabove. He’s got a request for everyone…
  • 01/07 - Fearless Predictions for 2007 (by Stephen Johnson)
    Angtoria—God Has A Plan For Us All MoTW—Dagon It’s that time of year where I look into my crystal balls yet again andpredict some important happenings to happen in the…
  • 01/04 - P.S.Gifford’s thoughts. (by P.S. Gifford)
    I know I have been here before-but not in this physical body.I know that I have experienced this before-but not with my current mind.I know that I have lived this…
  • 01/02 - 2007 New Years Resolution (by Stephen Johnson)
    Jon Oliva’s Pain—Maniacal Renderings MoTW—The Descent Wow! Another year under our belts which means that the sun is another year closer to slamming into the earth, killing whatever lifeform happens…
  • 01/02 - HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! (by Bob Senitram)
    This is a late entry for the new year, but I’m real busy with the new kid and all. But I have much to write about because me head is…
  • 12/24 - Top 10 Movies of the Year (And a Poker Bitch) (by Stephen Johnson)
    Nina Gordon—“bleeding heart graffiti” MoTW—“Azumi” I kind of took last week off and didn’t submit anything new for you toread, but there’s a good reason why: I was learning about…
  • 12/22 - An interview I recently did (by P.S. Gifford)
    http://www.journeytotheunknown.com/interviews.htm Interview with P.S. Gifford – Horror WriterP.S. Gifford is a horror writer presently residing in Lake Forest CaliforniaVisit his site at www.psgifford.com How old were you when you first…
  • 12/20 - Is Christmas really the most wonderful time of the year? (by Bob Senitram)
    My initial response is YES! Last year, I found my own religion and I found the Jesus…So I say YES! But then my lady reminded me that I should be more scientific. Not “Suzie-Q” my “inflatable friend,”…
  • 12/18 - Merry Christmas you sick son-of-a-bitches! (by Bob Senitram)
    If you don’t celebrate Christmas, have a happy HOLIDAY. Or if you’re a pessimist and you find happiness offensive, have a crappy HOLIDAY. Or if you are convinced that this…
  • 12/16 - The complete Shower… (by P.S. Gifford)
    By P.S.Gifford So I did it. I bloody well pulled it off. I catered my very first bridal shower. After weeks of planning, careful and otherwise, and two hectic days…
  • 12/12 - The Shower (by P.S. Gifford)
    So I did it. I bloody well pulled it off. I catered my very first bridal shower. After weeks of planning, careful and otherwise, and two hectic days of preparing…
  • 12/12 - Is it Christmas, Goat-cheese-mas, or Birthday? (by P.S. Gifford)
    I have no fucking clue what the fuck is going on anymore. According to Comedy Central Bush and Cheney are criminals. Why are they all over the news? What have…
  • 12/11 - Getting out! (by Bob Senitram)
    Song in my head:First there is a mountain,Then there is no mountain,Then there is…-Donovan Well that all-too-awaited for report came out about what to do in Iraq. To summarize they…
  • 12/11 - A Special Holiday “Thank You” Column (Sort of) (by Stephen Johnson)
    Tipton, Entwistle & Powell—“Edge of the World” MoTW—“Clerks II” Not surprisingly, no word back from Britney or her camp yet. Part of methought that maybe Paris knows and is holding…
  • 12/05 - A Helping Hand to Britney (by Stephen Johnson)
    Rob Zombie—“Educated Horses” MoTW—“Freak Out” A couple few years ago, I offered Britney Spears the chance to converse with me, probably so that I could offer her guidance and support.…
  • 12/05 - A True Life Tale of Horror from P.S.Gifford (by P.S. Gifford)
    The Dentist Visit by P.S.Gifford It was on Sunday night when it happened. Whilst I was watching the latest Hallmark movie on CBS, and doing the crying that always accompanies…
  • 11/30 - Pick up lines and ass-tobacco (by Bob Senitram)
    A few months ago, Garion announced that he was to wed. My usual thanksgiving tradition is to eat a big meal and then contemplate all the things about me that…
  • 11/27 - The Hunter (by P.S. Gifford)
    BY P.S.GIFFORD The thin mist curled grey against the lush green, patch of grass, nestled like a haven almost directly in the heart of Grainger woods. The morning sun rose…
  • 11/27 - Black Friday……..OF HELL! (by Stephen Johnson)
    Red Hot Chili Peppers—“Stadium Arcadium” MoTW—“Casino Royale” Nobody shot, nobody angry (some a bit disappointed that they didn’t getthere earlier). Me? I kinda got what I wanted, but wouldn’t have…
  • 11/20 - Peeping Tom (by P.S. Gifford)
    By P.S.Gifford He is there again.Hiding behind the garden wall,Scrutinizing my every move,He does not think that I can see him.He thinks he is hidden from my view.But I see…
  • 11/20 - ebay: The Nine 1/2th Reich? (by Stephen Johnson)
    My Chemical Romance—“The Black Parade” MoTW—“Everything is Illuminated” Why, oh why was my Ebay account suspended. Why, why, why, why, why? I went to Ebay to find out exactly why,…
  • 11/13 - Ebay: The Fifth Reich? (by Stephen Johnson)
    Meat Loaf—“Bat Out of Hell III: The Monster is Loose” MoTW—“Slither” Ebay is basically a non-entity to me, it’s something out there that Ioccasionally use. It’s not one of those…
  • 11/09 - The Trial of Mildred Witherspoon (by P.S. Gifford)
    The Trial Of Mildred Witherspoon By P.S.Gifford The diminutive grey haired lady slowly but surely shuffled her way along the immense corridor and through the impressive mahogany double doors and…
  • 11/06 - The Final Fantasy (by Bob Senitram)
    This weeks big dump is a collection of rare stories made by yours truly. I’m not exactly PS Gifford, so you won’t find any works of art here. What you…
  • 11/05 - Yippee! It’s Votin’ Time! (by Stephen Johnson)
    The Who—“Endless Wire” MoTW—“Borat” Thought I had rid myself of the spam problem from a while ago, but it’scome back with a vengeance. Now I get about 400 spam email…
  • 10/31 - A Selection of Poems from the Pen of P.S.Gifford (by P.S. Gifford)
    As I Sit ‘Ere. As I sit ‘ere and try and type-all the words jigging in me ‘ead.I hope the words I finally say, are the words I wanted said……
  • 10/31 - Halloween Party (by P.S. Gifford)
    This past weekend my friends and I celebrated Halloween. There was punch equipped with dry ice and grain alcohol, a fire, a cauldron, an excess of sweet sugary deserts, and…
  • 10/30 - The Yard birds (by Bob Senitram)
    Jim from Splivey writes:Bob, I never heard of you before. But after reading some of your archived stuff, I found I’ve heard of stuff you’ve written, but not you. WHAT…
  • 10/30 - The Block Party: Finale (by Stephen Johnson)
    Dragonforce—“Inhuman Rampage” MoTW—“Underworld:Evolution” As Spunky gathered up the remains of his collection and Josie continuedrolling the headless body towards the latrine pit, I took some time toreflect on the party.…
  • 10/24 - A Time to Remember (by Bob Senitram)
    When I checked my email I found no one asked any questions, so I’m flyin’ solo today. I watched “Click” or “Remote” or whatever the name of that Adam Sandler…
  • 10/24 - The Block Party: Part 8 (by Stephen Johnson)
    Muse—“Black Holes and Revelations” MoTW—“Oldboy” “Roadkill?” I asked yet again, never one to let something go. Yes, ROADKILL!” shouted Spunky in an exasperated sort of way. “Deadanimal flesh, flattened fur,…
  • 10/20 - I KNEW A MAN (by P.S. Gifford)
    By P.S. Gifford I knew a man once full with sorrow, Who only lived for each tomorrow. He made plans he knew he’ll never do, and procrastinated his whole life…
  • 10/20 - Saint Garion Goes to the Bahamas (by Saint Garion)
    Married on Friday the 13th of October my bride and I ventured outside of the U.S. thinking, “Hey that Bahamas place might be a nice place to visit.” Well we…
  • 10/16 - Too Tectonical for my blood (by Bob Senitram)
    Adam from Notts England writes:bob i married a lovely lookin lady 17 yrs ago but she as taken on the apperance of a spider monkey now should i live we…
  • 10/15 - The Block Party: Part 7 (by Stephen Johnson)
    Into Eternity—“The Scattering of Ashes” MoTW—“Silent Hill” As Spunky went down the line of bins removing the covers, the smell gotstronger. It didn’t seem to effect the few shuffling people…
  • 10/12 - Rags (by P.S. Gifford)
    By P.S.Gifford I think I might have acquired a cat. Or, I should say far truthfully- I think that a cat may have acquired me. It began two weeks ago,…
  • 10/10 - It’s in the tea! (by Bob Senitram)
    Due to web mail from our Nebraska fans I have to stress that last week I stated that it seems to me that Ricketts (running for Senate in Ne) is…
  • 10/09 - Another Break! (by Stephen Johnson)
    Due to the Mets win in the NLDS and the Stankees loss, I did way to muchcelebrating and couldn’t continue with The Block Party opus this week. Never fear though!…
  • 10/02 - The Block Party: Part 6 (by Stephen Johnson)
    Mastodon—“Blood Mountain” MoTW—“Zombie Honeymoon” “Yes, a petting zoo,” the lady said slowly, as if talking to a coupleNebraskans. Spunky started laughing and threw some cereal at a couple of the…
  • 09/30 - Trevor Steed retuns (by P.S. Gifford)
    Trevor Steed peered out at the typically grey cloudy English sky promising rain- and sighed. “Another day in paradise,” he said in a voice remarkably similar to a bad impersonation…
  • 09/24 - The Block Party: Part 5 (by Stephen Johnson)
    Donnie Iris and The Cruisers—“Ellwood City” MoTW—“Leon The Professional” I scampered into the garage and Spunky skedaddled over to his van as thebus rolled down the street. I plugged the…
  • 09/23 - Robbie. (by P.S. Gifford)
    Robbie. By P.S.Gifford Robbie studied his metallic face in the mirror. He looked intently as the face staring back at him. “I am such a fine looking robot,’ he thought,…
  • 09/17 - An Appointment to Remember (by P.S. Gifford)
    An Appointment to Remember This is the sixth episode from the rather gripping, yet wholly fictitious, absolutely imaginary, completely without any doubt what so ever fabricated, based on characters spawned…
  • 09/17 - The Block Party: Part 4 (by Stephen Johnson)
    Blind Guardian—“A Twist in the Myth” MoTW—“Ghoulies 2” Doris kept yelling into her cell phone, the passengercontinued prodding the headless body, I continued crying and rockingwhile Spunky was bent over…
  • 09/12 - The Bride v.s. Old F*ck Bastard Part 2 (by Saint Garion)
    by Saint Garion Bel As I mentioned in my last post, the Old Fuck Bastard came upstairs, knocked on my front door at about 11PM, and asked if my sister…
  • 09/10 - The Block Party: Part 3 (by Stephen Johnson)
    Iron Maiden—“A Matter of Life and Death” MoTW—“Goldfinger” I heard the music, that happy clown music. I saw nothing. I kept hearing the music getting louder and louder. I still…
  • 09/09 - HERE KITTY…. (by P.S. Gifford)
    By P.S.Gifford Jorge couldn’t sleep. These days he often had trouble sleeping; ever since his wife had passed in a bizarre ballroom dancing accident three months previous. He still quivered…
  • 09/04 - The Block Party: Part 2 (by Stephen Johnson)
    Exodus—“Shovel Headed Kill Machine” MoTW—“Event Horizon” “Jerry’s Party Hut, how can I help you?” “I’d like to order a clown.” “That might be a bit tricky, it’s the busiest time…
  • 09/02 - A tree of hope-Part two- An extraordinary succession of coincidences (by P.S. Gifford)
    A tree of hope-Part two- An extraordinary succession of coincidencesBy P.S.Gifford (Written two years ago) I was feeling a little glum yesterday afternoon as I arrived home and sat down…
  • 08/29 - Dear Bobby, (by Bob Senitram)
    NOTE FROM THE EDITOR:Usually Bob answers the mysteries of the world and universe in his column but for some reason he’s gotten relationship questions, so that kind of makes him…
  • 08/28 - Blue Moon (by P.S. Gifford)
    BY P.S.GIFFORD “Now class, as I am sure most of you know, a blue moon is the name given to a full moon appearing twice in a month. As a…
  • 08/24 - Old F*ck Bastard Strikes Again (by Saint Garion)
    By Saint Garion Bel Over the weekend my bride and I had her brother and my sister over for dinner. We ended up drinking quite a bit that night, and…
  • 08/22 - GUILTY PLEASURES (by P.S. Gifford)
    By P.S.Gifford “Albert, could I have my usual double grey goose martini with three olives please.” “Right away Mr. Griffin, how is the new book going…” Albert spoke as he…
  • 08/21 - Fun with testicles (by Bob Senitram)
    Rebecca writes:Dear Bob,I was wondering if you could help me out, my husband came home from work yesterday and said he only had one testicle hanging the other one had…
  • 08/21 - The Block Party: Part 1 (by Stephen Johnson)
    Strapping Young Lad—“The New Black” MoTW—“Night at the Golden Eagle” So there was a block party this past Saturday. Seemingly everyone wasinvited, even people on other blocks, which made it…
  • 08/15 - The terror! (by Bob Senitram)
    Seznicki from Dearborn, MI writes:Dear Bob,What are the ramifications of the latest terrorist threat? Dearest Mr. Or Mrs. Seznicki, Recently I got together with an old friend and we smoked…
  • 08/12 - Hubert Winthrop’s Morbid Curiosity (by P.S. Gifford)
    By P.S.Gifford Hubert, at 57 years of age, hadn’t exactly had an exciting life. In fact, he would be the very first to admit, that his life had been incredibly…
  • 08/08 - MY F*CKING, PISSY, SHIT! (by Bob Senitram)
    I’m guilty of not keeping up with my own site and after reading Stephen’s and Bel’s last entries, I read a lot about f*cking, piss, and pooping. My, my, how…
  • 08/05 - Eternal Love-Something completely different this week. (by P.S. Gifford)
    She came to me in my dreams again last night, as she so very often does. She was as graceful and as beautiful as ever… I recall fondly the delicate…
  • 07/30 - The Aristocrats!!! (by Stephen Johnson)
    Tom Petty—“Highway Companion” MoTW—“Final Destination 3” It’s time to take a break from the garbage I’ve been spewing out thelast few months. What follows something that’s been brewing inside mefor…
  • 07/28 - The Splotch (by P.S. Gifford)
    Hello? It is just me. You are still in bed you say. Well that is alright, please don’t hang up I need to tell you something I think you are…
  • 07/28 - A Boring Part of the Large Piece (by Stephen Johnson)
    Black Stone Cherry—“Black Stone Cherry” MoTW—“Phantasm II” I spotted her as I was emptying the trash from the registers. Emptyingtrash was the highlight of being a bundler, only surpassed by…
  • 07/26 - The Procrastinator (by Bob Senitram)
    I realized this Sunday that I am The Procrastinator. My skills for putting things off cannot be matched. Now if I have chores around the house, I’m ok with it…
  • 07/20 - Veraciousness (by P.S. Gifford)
    By P.S. Gifford As the rain swept night continued to batter against his apartment’s cracked window Evan could not help but chortle to himself at the chapter he had just…
  • 07/10 - The Guerrilla Pissers (by Saint Garion)
    And Buddha said unto the Lord, “You must un-learn what you have learned.” The Lord was looking upon the Buddha, who pissing on the floor in front of the litter…
  • 07/10 - Tossing a Piece That Way (by Stephen Johnson)
    The Bus Boys—“American Worker” MoTW—“Superman Returns” I put Mrs Beasley behind the couch in the living room, figuring it wasas safe a place as any. This way she wouldn’t be…
  • 07/07 - CONFESSION (by P.S. Gifford)
    By P.S. Gifford It was Christmas 1976-I can remember it with more resounding clarity than even the events of yesterday the proceedings having been etched so profoundly within my memory…
  • 07/06 - Excuses, excuses, excuses (by Bob Senitram)
    Song in my head:You see him hatin’,Trying to catch me ridin’ dirtay… Don’t know who sang that last one, but I hears it on the radio ever so often. For…
  • 07/02 - One Little Plan Broken Into Pieces (by Stephen Johnson)
    Dragonforce—“Sonic Firestorm” MoTW—“The Hills Have Eyes (2006)” When I was done shitting. showering and eating breakfast, I went back tomy room, pulled Mrs Beasley from the closet and sat her…
  • 06/30 - The World Cup (by P.S. Gifford)
    By P.S.Gifford As the American team marched onto the Coliseum half of the fans in the packed stands, explode into a raving, chanting, hysterical frenzy. The sound is deafening. They…
  • 06/25 - Pet the Lord (by Saint Garion)
    Our internet service has been down for three days now, and I’m starting to take it personal. I mean the Lord’s people fucking pay out the nose for this cable…
  • 06/24 - The Little Piece That Fit (by Stephen Johnson)
    Joan Jett and the Blackhearts—“Sinner” MoTW—“Cemetery Man” I was surrounded by giant grocery carts with huge dripping fangs. An oldAsian man pointed at the carts and then at me. “You…
  • 06/22 - The Eyes (by P.S. Gifford)
    By P.S. Gifford I looked intently into my wife’s greenest eyes and they seemed to be as little emeralds dancing in the moonlight. I had always treasured those eyes. They…
  • 06/18 - Cramming in Some Parts and Pieces (by Stephen Johnson)
    Cheap Trick—“Rockford” MoTW—“Mysterious Skin” I consulted the book of directions included with the Erector set anddecided that I really didn’t need to build a helicopter (with movablerotors!) or a windmill…
  • 06/15 - The Pills (by P.S. Gifford)
    By P.S.Gifford I saw these pills the t’other day, As I was browsing on line when one of those pop up adverts got throughYou know the ones-We all get bloomin’…
  • 06/10 - An Angelic Experience. (by P.S. Gifford)
    By P.S. Gifford “So Angel,” Mr. Farnaby questioned as he sucked on his chocolate milkshake, and munched eagerly on his veggie burger. Rex, his dog, was lying at his heels…
  • 06/04 - The Yorkshire Honeymoon (by P.S. Gifford)
    By P.S.Gifford On September 26th 1998 I got married. A date I shall never forget, in fact adate I am terrified to forget if truth be known. Not that I…
  • 06/04 - A Million Nuts Added to the Pieces (by Stephen Johnson)
    Drive-By Truckers—“A Blessing and a Curse” MoTW—“Hotel Rwanda” Dinner that night wasn’t a pleasant affair. I sat sulking shovellingspoonful after spoonful of peas into my mouth trying to figure a…
  • 06/01 - Summer Plans (by Saint Garion)
    And so it came to pass that Saint Garion got engaged. The lord was confused but God saw that it was good. No longer will she be called the enchanting…
  • 05/29 - Pieces Tangled a Million Times Over (by Stephen Johnson)
    Celtic Frost—“Monotheist” MoTW—“Class of 1984” As I pondered the meaning of the reversed doorknob, father walked out ofhis bathroom. (Why he had his own bathroom has caused me many restlessnights.…
  • 05/26 - Chucks Discount Funerals (by P.S. Gifford)
    By P.S.Gifford Charles examined the corpse that had just been freshly delivered to Chuck’s discount funerals. Yep, chuck promised the lowest priced funerals anywhere. As he slogan gleefully boasted…“We will…
  • 05/22 - Baby Gurl part Duex (by Bob Senitram)
    Well these weekly writings started as columns and ended up being blogs. So I’m gonna go ahead and make a quick post based on why I have nothing to write…
  • 05/21 - Pulling the Pieces Apart (by Stephen Johnson)
    The Gathering—“Home” MoTW—“Jarhead” As I walked away mumbling every expletive I could think of, my brotheropened his window again and called me back over. “Do you really want to come…
  • 05/20 - That Special Day (by P.S. Gifford)
    That Special Day. By P.S. Gifford Have you ever had one of those days that you can remember every little facet? Well please allow me to indulge a little and…
  • 05/16 - Puppies! (by Saint Garion)
    Walking around in the mall is a favorite pastime for those, who like me, have nothing to do with their time. Sometimes I like to go out and people watch,…
  • 05/15 - BILLY JACK (by Bob Senitram)
    Back to that immigration thing. Some guy in San Bernandino has the solution! Make it illegal for illegals to have a place to live or vehicle. As a result illegal…
  • 05/15 - Pulling the Parts from the Pieces (by Stephen Johnson)
    Wolfmother—“Wolfmother’ MoTW—“Wolf Creek” We were the only ones ducking the flying bats at the movie, quitepossibly due to the marijuana we had inhaled earlier. We were also theonly ones laughing…
  • 05/12 - Special Day (by P.S. Gifford)
    BY P.S.GIFFORD David Grainger opened his eyes, and automatically glanced at his wristwatch, all at once a complete panic overwhelms him, as he remembered what a special day it was.…
  • 05/09 - MI3 Sucked (by P.S. Gifford)
    I’ve just returned from seeing Mission Impossible III, and it sucked. Actually the move would have been great had I cared whether Tom Cruise and his wife lived or died.…
  • 05/08 - The Girl with Kaleidoscope Eyes (by Bob Senitram)
    Well, looks like it’s time for baby-gurl number two! Not born yet, but it should be just a few days…down to the ticker, I’d say. Baby-gurl number one was ten…
  • 05/08 - A Smaller Portion of the Parts (by Stephen Johnson)
    Tool—“10,000 Days” MoTW—“Suspect Zero” “That asshole cut of my monkey’s finger!” I shouted. “Of course he did,” dad said as he sat down. “Don’t forget that I’vealso been sending hookers…
  • 05/05 - The Burial (by P.S. Gifford)
    As I consumed my morning pot of tea and perused my copy of the daily telegraph I suddenly noted the date. Instantly my half awake brain became completely overcome with…
  • 05/01 - Quality Time with the Fucking Family (by Saint Garion)
    Family parties can be difficult. Especially when you’re as fond as saying FUCK as I am… I was sitting too close to the pool where the kiddies were playing and…
  • 05/01 - Pain Killers : Pain Makers (by Bob Senitram)
    After my second beer in 15 minutes, I can now comment in disgust about that dope fiend Rush Limbaugh. All he wants to do is get high, high, high in…
  • 05/01 - Another Portion of the Parts (by Stephen Johnson)
    The Sword—“Age of Winters” MoTW—“Hostel” As I ran downstairs to find my father, Geoff, my brother, handed me awad of toilet paper. “The bitch is mine,” he whispered as he…
  • 04/28 - The Daring Exploits of Harry Smith, (by P.S. Gifford)
    Harry Smith looked at the bridge in front of him, swaying to and fro in the gusty breeze. He had traveled for three days straight and now this bridge was…
  • 04/25 - Why I have no faith (by Bob Senitram)
    First I must apologize to St. Garion who has much more faith than I, and for that I salute him. I, however, have no faith. You, however, must have faith.…
  • 04/24 - Ancient Rituals (by P.S. Gifford)
    By P.S.Gifford It must have been the frantic beating of the tribal drums that awakened her. Getting up and stretching, she once more examined her cage. She was unaware as…
  • 04/23 - Bit And Pieces And Parts (by Stephen Johnson)
    Prince—“3121” MoTW—“Blue Demon” “So, what’s the plan?” she asked as she sat on my bed. “I’m writing a story about a pony,” I said as I closed the door. “That’s…
  • 04/23 - oluiluiyikikykyukyukyk (by Stephen Johnson)
    Prince—“3121” MoTW—“Blue Demon” “So, what’s the plan?” she asked as she sat on my bed. “I’m writing a story about a pony,” I said as I closed the door. “That’s…
  • 04/18 - On Holiday (by Bob Senitram)
    Say old boy, it appears Bob Senitram has decided to take holiday this Easter. Please enjoy one of his millions and millions of archived blogs/columns/commentaries going back, like, six hundred…
  • 04/17 - Buddha Takes on the Internet (by Saint Garion)
    Dreaming doesn’t count when it’s about something stupid. The Buddha (a.k.a. little fuck bastard) dreams of chewing my CAT-5 cable. And then he fucking does it, severing me from the…
  • 04/16 - Some Pieces Starting to Fit (by Stephen Johnson)
    Queensryche—“Operation: Mindcrime II” MoTW—“The Border” Instead of feeling happy that I was going to fight and defeat whateverterrible disease I might have, I sat with my head hanging as I…
  • 04/11 - Uninspired (by Saint Garion)
    This week’s article is late and I’ll tell you why: I have been completely uninspired. But a few minutes ago… God the Father Spoke In The Head of Saint Garion:…
  • 04/10 - Immigration, beer drinking, and everything in-between (by Bob Senitram)
    Like everything, politicians have made the immigration thing a thousand times more complicated than it needs to be. Because I’m a nice guy, I’ll provide a simple model of how…
  • 04/09 - Picking up the Parted Pieces (by Stephen Johnson)
    Lacuna Coil—“Karmacode” MoTW—“Kontroll” I had found almost all of the hidden objects in the magazine when I wasby the receptionist. My dad pulled the magazine from my hands and yankedme…
  • 04/08 - Oh those childhood games (by P.S. Gifford)
    By P.S.Gifford. Sally Jones simply loved playing games. She was your typical six year old bubbly girl, overflowing with the simple joys of life, and today she was dressed in…
  • 04/03 - Small Talk (WWSGBD) (by Saint Garion)
    Dear Saint Garion, I am tormented daily by others in my office, co-“workers”, with small talk. All this endless chatter about the weather and the Florida Marlins is driving me…
  • 04/03 - The Vent (by Bob Senitram)
    By Brian PetreThis one’s worth telling… So, I’d had a long night out with a couple of coworkers that just happened to be at my local bar. It’s a great…
  • 03/31 - Ancient Rituals (by P.S. Gifford)
    By P.S.Gifford   It must have been the frantic beating of the tribal drums that awakened her. Getting up and stretching, she once more examined her cage. She was unaware…
  • 03/28 - THE OPRAH, DOUGLAS COUNTY CORRECTIONAL FIASCO – Part III (by Bob Senitram)
    It Takes A Thief, the next generation Dear Bob,I sent this letter to Oprah and hope to be appearing on her show soon! But just in case I’m not invited…
  • 03/28 - THE OPRAH, DOUGLAS COUNTY CORRECTIONAL FIASCO Part II (by Bob Senitram)
    Part II : The experiment 03/19/2006 Dear Bob,I sent this letter to Oprah and hope to be appearing on her show soon! But just in case I’m not invited to…
  • 03/27 - All-You-Can-Eat-And-Drink (by Saint Garion)
    By Saint Garion   My enchanting paramour and I went to a Jazz and Blues Festival over at the local zoo on Friday night.  It was All-You-Can-Eat-And-Drink for 30 bucks…
  • 03/24 - The Horrible Task (by P.S. Gifford)
    By P.S. Gifford Jo, with a dazed and manic look in here eyes, held Julian firmly on the bed, which she had covered in a rubber sheet. “I will show you,” she…
  • 03/20 - Fitting the Pieces With the Parts (by Stephen Johnson)
    Toto—“Falling In Between” MoTW—“All Souls Day” “Oh my goodness! What is this all over the walls? Is it………IT IS!YOU SMEARED FECES ALL OVER YOUR WALLS!” With that I woke up…
  • 03/19 - Saint Patrick’s Day (by Saint Garion)
    By Saint Garion   For Saint Patrick’s Day we all went down to the local Irish pub, where the Lord and Buddha chased some kids around in a circle, playing…
  • 03/17 - Threshold of Reason (by P.S. Gifford)
    By P.S.Gifford   �Bloody brilliant,� I said. �So I  I gather that I am  now completely screwed. How far gone are these procedures of yours?�   �You mean the procedure in…
  • 03/12 - A Chunk of the Parts (by Stephen Johnson)
    David Gilmour—“On An Island” MoTW—“200 Motels” As I pedalled home with the boxed monkey wedged under my left armpit, Itried to figure out what to tell my mother about why…
  • 03/10 - The Great Shoe Caper-P.S.Gifford (by P.S. Gifford)
    This is a true account, none of the names or facts have been changed to protect the innocent, as there were no actual innocents involved� It was five years ago…
  • 03/06 - Pieces of the Parts (by Stephen Johnson)
    Bruce Dickinson—“Tyranny of Souls” MoTW—“The Jacket” I awoke the next morning with a smile as visions of monkeys prancedthrough my mind. As I peeled the sheet from my somehow sticky…
  • 03/05 - The Buddha Takes A Shit (by Saint Garion)
    By Garion Bel   Walking the Lord and the Buddha yesterday, we ran into… well I’ll get to that.  Up until that moment the day had been uncharacteristically pleasant.  Breakfast…
  • 02/27 - P.S.Gifford-Head Trip (by P.S. Gifford)
    A day in the life of P.S.Gifford    I was just out performing my usual evening walk with my best friend, Chester. Chester being an Airedale mix has an innate…
  • 02/27 - More Pieces Adding Up To Four (by Stephen Johnson)
    The Devin Townsend Band—“Synchestra” MoTW—“Cat Ballou” And so it continues with the hope that my issues and pains help someonesomewhere…. The whole problem with vengeance was finding the right vengeance…
  • 02/27 - Save Save Save (by Bob Senitram)
    By Bob SenitramKevin from New Finland writes:Things have been a bit rough around here. I’m trying to save some money on just about everything. Got any tips? Kevin, balloons with…
  • 02/26 - Your Child Might Be an Idiot If He Golf’s With a Chainsaw (by Saint Garion)
    By Garion Bel   Outside of Saint Garion’s house the wind blows softly, trees sway this way and that, and a neighbor’s child takes an electric chainsaw out to the…
  • 02/22 - Death By Doughnut (by P.S. Gifford)
      By P.S. Gifford Humphrey Wilson had sat there hungrily ogling the freshly baked glazed doughnuts neatly arranged in the display case in front of him. Behind the counter fresh…
  • 02/21 - The Arrival of a New Puppy: The Buddha (by Saint Garion)
    Few things on this earth are more enjoyable than getting a new puppy dog. But the enjoyment that a new little puppy dog brings can be cut dramatically short when…
  • 02/20 - A Couple More of Those Slices (by Stephen Johnson)
    Leaves’ Eyes—“Vinland Saga” MoTW—“Cherish” And now, back to my non-Oprah approved life story of sickness and,hopefully, self-healing. I was in my room listening to a Dean Martin record when my…
  • 02/17 - My Old Friend. (by P.S. Gifford)
    It was in the summer school holidays 1978 when I made a very special friend. Yes, I remember it as distinctly as if it was yesterday. I would have been…
  • 02/17 - My Old Friend. (by P.S. Gifford)
    It was in the summer school holidays 1978 when I made a very special friend. Yes, I remember it as distinctly as if it was yesterday. I would have been…
  • 02/13 - The Snake Lady Comes Not for you (by Bob Senitram)
    Song in my head:“Shake that Laffy-Taffy,that Laffy-Taffy…”– D4L – I have to admit it, I didn’t even know what that guy was talking about until someone explained it to me.…
  • 02/13 - The Snake Lady Comes Not for you (by Bob Senitram)
    Song in my head:“Shake that Laffy-Taffy,that Laffy-Taffy…”– D4L – I have to admit it, I didn’t even know what that guy was talking about until someone explained it to me.…
  • 02/13 - A Bearable Tightness of Being (by Stephen Johnson)
    NOTE: Due to a house flood, there is no new post from Stephen this week.However, not to be outdone by that Frey guy, we have posted Stephen’smemoirs (so far) for…
  • 02/12 - Ket Goes to Lunch (by Saint Garion)
    Ket Darby here,So I was hungry for some Mole sauce… it’s this really good chocolate hot sauce that they put on some Mexican Foods. There are only a couple of…
  • 02/10 - A story for Valentines day- I am basically a romantic at my core. (by P.S. Gifford)
    At long last the fateful day had arrived and Margaret, dressed in her finest Sunday frock, gingerly picked up her Wanga doll and carried him outside into the warmth of…
  • 02/08 - God Angry at America? (by Saint Garion)
    by Saint Garion’s friend Ket Darby So I have heard some people claim that the recient disasters in America were proof that God was mad at the US, and more…
  • 02/06 - Two and Two (by Bob Senitram)
    by Bob Senitram Song in my head:“With a little luck,we can work it out…”– Paul McCartney and Wings – I wrote my name at 6pm tonight and finished the song…
  • 02/05 - Some Large Parts (by Stephen Johnson)
    Proto-Kaw—“Before Became After” MoTW—“The Bad News Bears” (05) My mommy will vouch that the following is as true as parts 1, 2 and 3. When I woke up the next…
  • 02/03 - This is a story my mother told me once-So it has to be true. (by P.S. Gifford)
    This is a story my mother told me late one rainy night when I was all but a wee little child. She told me that her grandmother had told her…
  • 01/31 - Who Gets The Bronze? (by Saint Garion)
    Ket Darby’s commentary on God’s Silver Medal made a little too much sense, so I asked God about it. God: “Yes and No. Ket is obviously insane.” Saint Garion: “What?”…
  • 01/30 - I say (by P.S. Gifford)
    By PS Gifford Robert opened the brightly painted red front door to his home with his dog panting contently at his feet. “That was good run wasn’t it Chester?” He…
  • 01/29 - A Few Small Portions (by Stephen Johnson)
    Korn—“See You On The Other Side” MoTW—“True Romance” This is as true as parts 1 & 2 combined. Since I was underage, the doctor had to wait to operate until…
  • 01/25 - God’s Silver Medal (by Saint Garion)
    by Saint Garion’s friend Ket Darby You even noticed that often times Christianity is kind of mean to Judaism? I think I know why. So I read the Bible once…
  • 01/22 - A Couple Big Slices (by Stephen Johnson)
    The Mahavishnu Orchestra—“The Lost Trident Sessions” MoTW—“Teachers” All that follows is as true as Part One. I suppose getting sent to rehab at such a young age would befrightening, but…
  • 01/18 - The Dark Lord… er… Holy Spirit (by Saint Garion)
    I went to Tampa last weekend to celebrate the marriage of two friends in an obscure and arcane ritual known only as a “catholic wedding”. The wedding, of course, took…
  • 01/16 - A Million Little Feces (by Stephen Johnson)
    David Bowie—“Scary Monsters” MoTW—“Scarecrows” HELP!!!! Someone was kind enough to leave me a link for their blog lastweek but, due to some stupidity on my part, the original post with…
  • 01/13 - Fearless Predictions for ’06 (by Stephen Johnson)
    Tristania—“[ashes]” MoTW—“Dead End” Looking over my fearless ’05 predictions, I noticed that I completelyfailed. Only one came true with a small possibility of two coming truebut I don’t have any…
  • 01/10 - Utah Sucks Dick, The Lord Eats a Bone (by Saint Garion)
    The sad thing about the holidays is that when they are over, you have to recover. I have eaten sooo much goat cheese that I don’t think I’ll ever… So…
  • 01/05 - Laundry, DeLay and my sacred crapper… (by Bob Senitram)
    Looks like Congress is in for another Republican cleansing. The head honcho lobby guy is gonna have to testify or go to jail. I’m guessing he’ll spill the beans. Once…
  • 01/04 - The Lord, The Goat, And The Christmas Tree (by Saint Garion)
    This was the first Christmas the Lord has really paid attention to what was going on, and well, he’d like to make some changes. And the Lord who is a…
  • 01/02 - Smoke Free AND Another List? (by Stephen Johnson)
    Queen + Paul Rodgers—“Return of the Champions” MoTW—“Go Tell the Spartans” So I open my big mouth on New Year’s Eve when asked what resolution Imight have and I blurt…
  • 12/26 - Divinity Is In All Things (Especially Goat Cheese) (by Saint Garion)
    For those of you that don’t believe in the divine, you should get into your car right now, travel to your local grocer and purchase some goat cheese. As part…
  • 12/19 - War on Christmas? (by Saint Garion)
    God: “Hey Saint Garion, what the fuck is all this war on Christmas shit about? People down there are just going on and on about this Christmas thing…” Saint Garion:…
  • 12/19 - Felic Navidad… (by Bob Senitram)
    Courtney from Maine writes:“Isn’t this just like you to take a holy holiday and the jesus story and shit on it! You should be ashamed.” Courtney:I just call ‘em the…
  • 12/13 - Saint Garion and the Groom (by Saint Garion)
    I’m late with this week’s article for a number of reasons… Here; I’ll explain. My girlfriend’s birthday, and my best friend’s bachelor party just happened to fall on the same…
  • 12/11 - The Christmas Conspiracy Theory (by Bob Senitram)
    Since the holidays are coming, I studied up on this whole Jesus thing and here’s what I came up with. Jesus was baptized by John the Baptist, a wild-eyed man…
  • 12/04 - Psalms of Katrina (by Saint Garion)
    By special guest writer Saint John (Translation by Saint Garion Bel) [The following is a Psalm of Saint John. Saint John is now homeless but was formerly of the middle…
  • 11/29 - Attack of the Jerome Clones: The Flaming Column of Piss (by Saint Garion)
    Continuity problems seldom come up when one deals in the weird, but when the angry guy decides he’s gonna turn on the religious guy… you get an illegal holy war…
  • 11/22 - Bird Flu Pandemic! (by Saint Garion)
    The other day when I was walking the Lord, we came upon a parking lot where a man was hopping from car to car, shitting whole apples. The man’s eyes…
  • 11/15 - A Heartwarming Story About A Guy They Call Jerome (by Saint Garion)
    After popping Jerome’s head off and killing the unknown evils lurking within the mind of the Old Bastard Fuck Neighbor’s cat. I called upon the Lord to go into the…
  • 11/07 - How Not to Beat the High Cost of Living (by Stephen Johnson)
    Deep Purple—“Rapture of the Deep” MoTW—“Seed of Chucky” “I’ll give you 3 bucks.” “Per hour? Or is that the set price for the whole thing?” Ah, the youth of today.…
  • 11/04 - Tequila: a fine starter drink. (by Saint Garion)
    Ten years ago on this very day I had my very first drink. Tequila: a fine starter drink. I was told that drinking was of the devil, and so was…
  • 10/31 - Saint Garion Learns to Ride a Motorcycle (by Saint Garion)
    By Saint Garion Bel The rise of gas prices, the reliability of my old taxi cab, and the sincere lack of any sort of desire in our government to pursue…
  • 10/21 - Unforgiving Chili of Indeterminate Gas and Nauseous Nightmares (by Saint Garion)
    By Saint Garion Bel As I was wondering the coast of Florida last weekend I ran across a group of women drinking tequila… with sprees… and hidden cucumbers… I paused…
  • 10/17 - House of the Damned Woman (by Stephen Johnson)
    Various Artists—“Back Against the Wall” MoTW—“Critters 4” The house I live in is also home to a malevolent presence. The presence let itself be known when I decided that it…
  • 10/16 - Saint Garion Goes To Saint Augustine (by Saint Garion)
    Vacation spots in Florida can be annoying because of the bugs, the pervasive heat, and angry locals, but this last trip to Saint Augustine was quite pleasant. We stayed in…
  • 10/10 - Death Be Not Colorful (by Stephen Johnson)
    Journey—“Generations” MoTW—“The Dead Next Door” Nothing really going on I guess. I guess I have the thrill of hearingthe word “filibuster” mentioned over and over again on the news. That’sa…
  • 10/08 - The Lord vs. The Flies (by Saint Garion)
    My enchanting paramour and I came home last night to find the Lord in combat with a swarm of flies. He was loosing (as much as a dog can loose…
  • 10/02 - Why Can’t I Leave This Alone? (by Stephen Johnson)
    King’s X—“Ogre Tones” MoTW—“The Stepfather” So the government is recommending that we start conserving energy whichI think is a brilliant idea. However, just recommending it won’t beenough for some idiots…
  • 10/01 - Old F*ck Bastard Pig F*ckNieghbor (by Saint Garion)
    The other night my old fuck bastard neighbor was speaking ill of the Lord. He was going on and on about how much the Lord was out of control and…
  • 09/27 - Republican Lemmings (by Saint Garion)
    Forgive me, but it is time for a rant. Some asshole knocked on my door this morning at 7am (I suspect it was the neighbor), but by the time I…
  • 09/25 - Tasty Succulent Legs (by Stephen Johnson)
    By Stephen Johnson Peter Frampton—“Breaking All the Rules” MoTW—“Dead & Breakfast” I missed National Talk Like a Pirate Day on 9/19. I don’t know why I missed it since someone…
  • 09/17 - Strip Club Bliss (by Saint Garion)
    by Garion Night 2 in Atlanta and we hadn’t been able to find out where any strip clubs were; needless to say I was feeling very distraught. Far, far away…
  • 09/12 - The Mad Dearth of Jerome (by Stephen Johnson)
    Demons & Wizards—“Touched By the Crimson King” MoTW—“The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra” You’ve just gotta get that movie listed above and check it out. It’s oneof those flicks where you…
  • 09/10 - DRINKS FOR EVERYONE = HAPPY (by Saint Garion)
    By GarionWhile our government and our president was allowing people to suffer and die due to their incompetence, three of my lesbian apostles and I went to a kick ass…
  • 09/05 - A Crackwhore Price Guide (by Stephen Johnson)
    Opeth—“Ghost Reveries” MoTW—“House of Games” *****************************************************If you haven’t done so already, please visit www.redcross.org and make adonation to help those affected by Hurricane Katrina. Any amount helpsand it only takes…
  • 09/01 - Suffering of the Masses (by Saint Garion)
    by Garion, Looks as if everyone’s going to be riding bikes for the foreseeable future. Gas is fucking insanely priced around here. People are killing each other at the pumps;…
  • 08/29 - Urine, Swishy and Upchuck (by Stephen Johnson)
    Coheed and Cambria—“In Keeping Secrets of Silent Earth: 3” MoTW: “Death Wish” Nothing of importance happened last week compared to 2 weeks ago, unlessyou want to count the re-arrest of…
  • 08/27 - F*ck!F*ck!F*ck! (by Saint Garion)
    By Garion Weelll my fuck truck is on the fritz yet again. Maybe I should have changed the oil in the last year or so, but what the hell. I’ve…
  • 08/22 - The P and Illiteracy (by Stephen Johnson)
    Judas Priest—“Sin After Sin” MoTW—“Humanoids From the Deep” Out of all the news from last week, only two items somehow becameembedded in my mind. No matter how I tried, I…
  • 08/20 - Onward Christian Soldiers (by Saint Garion)
    By GarionIn protest of the new regime of terror that began when the woman next door called animal control on the Lord, I and several dozen other dog owners set…
  • 08/15 - A Discussion on Dreams (by Stephen Johnson)
    Jethro Tull—“Minstrel in the Gallery” MoTW—“Born to Fight” Let’s talk about dreams today. About 4 years ago, I received an email from someone wondering what theirrecurring dream meant. I decided…
  • 08/12 - He That Runs Without Leash (Soldier of God Part 2) (by Saint Garion)
    by Garion And the Lord said unto Garion, “Let Animal Control come, all they can do is kill me, I’ll just come back.” “Yes, but as what?” I asked. “A…
  • 08/07 - Goodbye Old Friend (by Stephen Johnson)
    Derringer—“Sweet Evil” MoTW—“Club Dread” I have some very sad news to report. Recently I found out that a company that’s been in business for over 50years is shutting down, ruining…
  • 08/06 - Soldier of God (by Saint Garion)
    By Garion Today my enchanting paramour found a notice on our door from Animal Control. It contained a threat to take the Lord away from us… Upon reading this, the…
  • 08/01 - Nonsense That Makes No Sense (by Stephen Johnson)
    Captain Beyond—“Captain Beyond” MoTW—“Garden State” Last week I had one of those days that could have been on thoselife-changing moments but, when all was said and done, it was justanother…
  • 07/30 - Back Pain, a Knife, and the Word of God (by Saint Garion)
    By Garion, It occurred to me that it was time to write my blog so I have fastened myself into a brace and using my arms have hoisted myself into…
  • 07/23 - The Universe, Female Mud Wrestlers and Email (by Stephen Johnson)
    Deep Purple—“The House of Blue Light” MoTW—“The Grifters” It’s been some time since I answered reader email, so I decided that nowis as good a time as any. Actually, now…
  • 07/23 - A Week (minus one day) Off (by Saint Garion)
    by Garion Bel, Until this afternoon I was having a pretty good week. God has kept the fuck out of my head. I went into work on Monday, and took…
  • 07/16 - Don’t Worry, I’m Alright! (by Stephen Johnson)
    Paul Collins’ Beat—“The Kids Are The Same” MoTW—“The Eye” So I take a week off and some people decide it’s the perfect time toleave comments about how I suck and…
  • 07/14 - An Angry God (by Saint Garion)
    By Garion Bel My peaceful rest was interrupted rudely on Thursday morning when the Lord, disturbed by the soft knock, knock, fuck knocking on the front door, started barking. It…
  • 07/11 - Nothing To See Here (by Stephen Johnson)
    After reading Stephen’s last few columns, we have decided to force himinto taking a break. We have found that the things he has been writing have no basis in fact,but…
  • 07/09 - Butt Itch of the Day (by Saint Garion)
    Dear Garion, Work has gotten worse. My project ended on July 1 but the extended it to the 8th so that the management (and I use the term in the…
  • 07/04 - Alcohol = Large Balls (by Stephen Johnson)
    Blackfoot—“Siogo” MoTW—“Land of the Dead” To celebrate the 4th of July, I decided to go out to the streets andfind out what this holiday means to the people. I asked…
  • 07/01 - When You’re Strange (by Saint Garion)
    By Garion Bel Everyone is at least a little odd nowadays, take Bob and I for example, but recently my girlfriend has run into some folks at the coffee shop…
  • 06/27 - I Am Oprah. Fear Me. (by Stephen Johnson)
    Black Sabbath—“Never Say Die!” MoTW—“Open Water” Seems that Oprah’s all hot and bothered since she wasn’t allowed into ahigh falutin French store because they were closed. Since it’s Oprah the…
  • 06/24 - Take your church and shove it. (by Saint Garion)
    By Garion Bel Dear Garion, My wife and I are considering rejoining the church. We don’t really like the people there, and they treat us like they are better than…
  • 06/19 - I’ll Spank Your Monkey! (by Stephen Johnson)
    Planet P Project—“Pink World” MoTW—“Vampires Anonymous” I’m kind of bummed out because all the support I showed for MichaelJackson last week was for naught. For some reason I’m not considered…
  • 06/17 - Conversations with… God? (by Saint Garion)
    by Garion Bel Inspired for reasons unknown God has started speaking through me again, which is really freaking out the fuckers in the grocery store. Garion: “What?” God: “I’m fucking…
  • 06/11 - Is That Sarcasm? (by Stephen Johnson)
    Graham Parker and The Shot—“Steady Nerves” MoTW—“Fame” I kinda feel bad for those people waiting outside the courthouse for thefinal verdict in the Michael Jackson case. Maybe it’s because I’m…
  • 06/10 - Bastard F*ck Demon of the Storms (by Saint Garion)
    This weekend was supposed to have been a fucking camping weekend. The plan was that we would go and, well, chill the fuck out. No work, just sun, fishing, drinking,…
  • 06/05 - Puking on the Coming Apocalypse (by Stephen Johnson)
    Styx—“Big Bang Theory” MoTW—“My Best Fiend” Subway’s decision to cease their Sandwich Club threw me for a loop. WhenI first heard the news I was a little bit annoyed and…
  • 06/04 - Drinking with Jesus (by Saint Garion)
    Last night we were invited to a house warming party where I, using my super power, got everyone who doesn’t normally drink, or believes themselves incapable of drinking, completely trashed.…
  • 05/27 - Driving Mr. F*ckhead (by Saint Garion)
    By Garion Bel My girlfriend bought me this great cell phone accessory; an earpiece with a microphone. What-is-it-fucking-called? A Headset. I’ve had some great conversations in my truck lately. People,…
  • 05/10 - The Salsa – That Binds (by Saint Garion)
    I went out last night with some new friends and drank enough alcohol to kill a large tree. This is my account of what happened, as I now remember it.…
  • 12/24 - Choosing a Religion (by Bob Senitram)
    For some unknown reason, I got a flood of “Ask Bob” questions the week before Christmas. All I can figure is, since folks acknowledge me as the “New Messiah for…
  • 12/20 - I Answer Viewer Mail… (by Bob Senitram)
    For those who haven’t read every single “Ask Bob” article, a couple of years ago someone asked, “So what’s the real Bob like?” So I spent the last two years giving you…
  • 05/07 - Cockroaches… (by Saint Garion)
    Dear Bel,This morning I discovered several cockroaches in the middle of the kitchen floor. They had toothpicks stuck though their bodies and were suspended off the floor. After looking at…
  • 05/01 - Porn Problems (by Saint Garion)
    Dear Bel, You and I have been friends for a few years now… My wife is mad at me for using the computer to look at dirty pictures again. The…
  • 04/16 - A Crime for Humanity (by Saint Garion)
    The other day when my wife and I were walking at the park, when we noticed some children were playing in one of those sports utility vehicles. They were obviously…
  • 04/09 - That Darn Computer! (by Saint Garion)
    Dear Bel, I have been living with “Eric” now for almost a year. When we first moved in together, it was great. We talked all the time and his friends…
  • 04/02 - Possessed! (by Saint Garion)
    Dear Bel: You recently scared the crap out of me. You told me to keep an eye on my husband because his behavior indicated that he might be possessed. But…
  • 03/26 - Mommy Issues (by Saint Garion)
    Dear Bel, I am 45 and recently my mother moved in with us. Life isn’t fair Bel, we spend all of our extra money to buy food and diapers for…
  • 03/12 - Exercise (by Saint Garion)
    Dear Bel, At my wife’s urging, I recently purchased an exercise bike for “us” to use at home. She wanted “us” to get in better shape, and thought that “we”…
  • 03/05 - Damn Computer! (by Saint Garion)
    Dear Bel, I have been living with “Eric” now for almost a year. When we first moved in together, it was great. We talked all the time and his friends…
  • 02/26 - The New Diet… (by Saint Garion)
    Dear Bel, Every since I started on this new diet strange thing have been happening. All the flowers in my garden have dropped their petals, my co-workers all seem to…
  • 02/19 - Roadside Cleanup… (by Saint Garion)
    Dear Bel,My company has “volunteered” some of us to do some roadside clean up. You wouldn’t believe the crap people throw from their cars. I’d like to put up a…
  • 02/12 - The Reoccurring Dream… (by Saint Garion)
    Dear Bel,I have a reoccurring dream where I am floating in the ocean. I appear to be in some kind of form-fitting steel cage. On the cage is a plate,…
  • 02/05 - I Really Do Care! (by Saint Garion)
    Dear Bel, Could you come to Tampa and help me move out of my apartment? My roommate and I are tired of dealing with our psycho neighbors. – Emory Well,…
  • 01/29 -  Is My Mail Order Bride Worth it? (by Saint Garion)
    Dear Bel, For years I had considered getting a mail-order bride. Recently I took a chance and married a very sweet Chinese woman. Now, we have been very happy but…
  • 01/22 - A Cold Medicine that Works! (by Saint Garion)
    Dear Bel,Recently I came down with a really bad cold. I felt like my brain was trying to crawl out of my nose. A friend of mine recommended Robitussin CF,…
  • 01/15 - Sumthin’ to do after Christmas (by Saint Garion)
    Dear Bel, I have been a little bored lately. Mostly because I have been low on cash from the holidays, so I thought I could start stalking people. I imagine…
  • 01/08 - After Christmas Advice (by Saint Garion)
    Dear Bel, My neighbor, Bruce, still hasn’t taken down his plastic xmas decorations. Quite frankly, I am sick of it. My wife is ready to kill the bastard. What should…
  • 12/26 - A Visit From Jeome! (by Saint Garion)
    Last week I received a visit from Jerome! In case you forgot, Jerome is Bob and Stephen’s favorite plaything. They enjoy feeding him poison and beating him until he is…
  • 12/18 - The Business Trip (by Saint Garion)
    Dear Bel, Recently I went out of town on a business trip. I returned five days later to find that someone had filled the bed with leaves and twigs. I…
  • 12/11 - A Dead Pigeon (by Saint Garion)
    Dear Bel, Yesterday my 7-year-old son came home with a dead pigeon on the end of a stick. Apparently, some psycho was selling them at his school. I called the school and…
  • 12/04 - Am I a Hippocrate? (by Saint Garion)
    Dear Bel, Am I a Hippocrate? -Larry Dear Larry, The degree of hypocrisy one possesses is equal to the absolute value of the difference between their beliefs and actions. Of…
  • 11/27 - Horrible Car Accident (by Saint Garion)
    Dear Bel:My brother lost his wife five years ago due to a horrible car accident. He would not consider dating until last September. The woman he is now seeing is…
  • 11/14 - Questions About Islam (by Saint Garion)
    Dear Readers, Recently I have received many questions about that “Islam” thing. Being the only religious scholar at here at theweirdcrap.com, I am happy to be of service. Seems to…
  • 11/06 - Eric (by Saint Garion)
    Dear Bel: Last year, I married “Eric,” a wonderful guy. I’m 24. He is 35. And we’re very much in love. Here’s the problem: Neither of us is financially stable…
  • 10/29 - The Course of the Nation (by Saint Garion)
    We Americans face questions about the course of the nation. We must be ready for inconvenience and death. The political will of millions of angry Americans will be felt, and…
  • 10/23 - Lesbian Lovers #44 (by Saint Garion)
    Dear Bel: While my husband and I were watching Lesbian Lovers #44 last night, I noticed my daughter was on the tape! I managed to press stop and before my…
  • 10/16 - Small Company (by Saint Garion)
    Dear Bel:I am an employee at a small company called SmartTec. We are being plagued by a series of accidents. It all started when my new friend Melissa fell off…
  • 10/09 - The New War (by Saint Garion)
    Dear Bel, As you know I am having some trouble deciding how America should fight this new war. Any suggestions? -Mr. Bush Dear Mr. Bush, Send aircraft to Afghanistan that…
  • 10/02 - Married for 6 Years (by Saint Garion)
    Dear Bel, My husband and I have been married for 6 years. When we married, we decided we didn’t want any children and I had my tubes tied. Now he…
  • 09/19 - Young and Foolish… (by Saint Garion)
    Dear Bel: Two years ago, when I was young and foolish, I went with some friends to a tattoo parlor and had some “artwork” done on my ankle, neck, and…
  • 09/11 - The Younger Man… (by Saint Garion)
    Dear Bel: For the past five months, I have been in a deepening friendship with a man who is 5 years younger than I am. (I am divorced, in my…
  • 09/04 - Twice Divorced… (by Saint Garion)
    Dear Bel: I am a 35-year-old, twice-divorced male with four wonderful kids. My track record with marriage hasn’t been terrific, so now I am very careful about finding the right…
  • 08/28 - My Husband and I… (by Saint Garion)
    Dear Bel: My husband and I have been married for eight years. We both work night shifts and sleep during the day. This works great for our marriage, but it…
  • 08/24 - The Christian Right (by Saint Garion)
    The phrases “Christian Right” and “Religious Right,” are often used as slurs, and rightly so. It’s easy to stereotype Christians as mean-spirited zealots. Most of them are. When scam artists…
  • 08/21 - My Friends… (by Saint Garion)
    Dear Bel: I am a 14-year-old freshman in high school. A lot of my friends are sophomores, and they are really nice kids. My parents have told me I am…
  • 08/14 - Three Couples For Dinner… (by Saint Garion)
    Dear Bel Garion: Recently, we invited three couples to dinner at 6:00 p.m. We worked hard cleaning the house and preparing a wonderful meal. My problem is this: one of…
  • 08/07 - I Moved In With My Girlfriend… (by Saint Garion)
    Dear Bel,Quite recently I moved in with my girlfriend. Everything has worked out great except my parents speak to me now as if I am going straight to hell. You…
  • 07/24 - A Mild Stroke (by Saint Garion)
    I had a mild stroke five years ago, mostly because I don’t take care of myself. I have diabetes, and refuse to exercise or eat properly. I am able to…
  • 07/17 - My New Friend! (by Saint Garion)
    My new anonymous friend writes:“This is the stupidest site on the web.” Thanks Buddy! Your feedback is very much appreciated. Here is a story just for you. The other day…
  • 07/10 - It Is Summer! (by Saint Garion)
    So it’s summer right now in my part of the world and I am having a pretty good time of it. More people have been keeping my company of late,…
  • 06/26 - The Lesbian Psychologist (by Saint Garion)
    One of my lesbian friends, Leslie, is a psychologist. Not believing in the healing power of faith, she thought I was some sort of mind control flim-flam artist trying to…
  • 06/19 - All I Want is Some Coffee… (by Saint Garion)
    My buddy Greg all the way from Alaska asks,“Why is the media treating President George W. Bush so harshly?”Well Greg, I see that this sort of thing is increasing as…
  • 06/12 - Are You Baptized? (by Saint Garion)
    My new friend Kelly writes:Why do you think you are a Saint?Are you baptized?Are you even Christian or are you just making fun of us?Dear Kelly, The term ‘saint’ comes…
  • 06/05 - Jerome Speaks in Tongues! (by Saint Garion)
    I was quite perplexed when Jerome called me up, “Lo Steven dice che lei guarda uono si è vestito elegantemente come una donna.” So I went over to his house,…
  • 05/29 - Why Do Dogs Eat Shit? (by Saint Garion)
    Dear Bob Bel,Why do dogs eat shit?JasonWell Jason, that reminds me of the time God turned me into a traffic cone. I was unhappy as a traffic cone and had the unwelcome…
  • 05/22 - The Bush Brothers (by Saint Garion)
    Melissa from the USA writes:Dear Bob, Bel,Why is President Bush giving his brother such a bad time with oil drilling off the coast of Florida? Well Melissa, the answer is obvious.…
  • 05/15 - Welcome Bel Garion! (by Saint Garion)
    Hello everyone, my name is Bel and I am a Saint. Plugging one of my ears usually makes the extra voice go away but recently the voice has just been…
  • 12/19 - 12 days of rehab (by Bob Senitram)
    Frank Furter from Osage Beach:How come everytime I play basketball they keep scoring goals because the goalie isnt doing anything. He has 3 white balls, a carrot nose and nog…
  • 08/21 - I Am Taking Over This Mother Fucking Column… (by Stephen Johnson)
    Hey! My name is Jerome White. I am taking over this mother fucking column from Steven cause his ass is dead!! I don’t watch no television cause I ain’t got…
  • 08/20 - Buttered Bread and My Cat (by Saint Garion)
    Alan asks:  If a cat lands on its feet, and buttered bread lands face down, what will happen if I tie a piece of buttered bread to the back of…
  • 08/14 - The Blood Spurting From My Ear… (by Stephen Johnson)
    Well, everyone should be happy to know that the blood spurting from my ear is now just a slow trickle. I recommend to everyone NOT to stick a pen in…
  • 08/14 - He is Daid! (by Bob Senitram)
    Hey you crazy kids! First I would like to thank everyone who has sent in questions for this article we really appreciate your support! I gather Weirdcrap has become quite the…
  • 08/07 - I Cant Believe The Bullshit Bob Is Trying To Lay On Everyone… (by Stephen Johnson)
    I can’t believe the bullshit Bob is trying to lay on everyone with his last “Ask Bob” entry (07/31/00). Take it from me, this is the last person you want…
  • 08/07 - Making Time Stand Still (by Bob Senitram)
    Susan writes:  Hi, I am a taurus! If you have a humidifier and a dehumidifier running in the same room, will time stand still? A: . You would think so, since humidifers are…
  • 07/31 - I Wanna Live Forever… (by Bob Senitram)
    Q: . I wanna live forever. . How? A: . There’s a bunch of theories about living forever. Ponce DeLeon looked for a creek with magic water. Maybe he would have found it if he used…
  • 07/31 - This Past Thursday Was Quite The Day (by Stephen Johnson)
    Wow, this past Thursday was quite the day. I had the opportunity to watch Back N’ Street Boys on HBO, and I could also ask O. J. Simpson a question…
  • 07/31 - How To Live…FOREVER! (by Bob Senitram)
    Jim-Jim asks:  I wanna live forever.. . BUT HOW? A:  There’s a bunch of theories about living forever. Ponce DeLeon looked for a creek with magic water. Maybe he would have found it…
  • 07/27 - Rick Rockwell is Suing… (by Stephen Johnson)
    So, Rick Rockwell is suing a “stalker” that stepped on his foot? I am so stunned that I really can’t say anything else. Wait a minute………………….someone is actually stalking Rick…
  • 07/24 - The Demise of the Taco Bell Chihuahua (by Stephen Johnson)
    Sad to see the demise of the Taco Bell Chihuahua. No more little doggie. No more evil, wide eyed, hungry doggie creeping up on some unsuspecting human. If the dog…
  • 07/24 - Its Not A Popularity Contest! (by Bob Senitram)
    Johnny Vincent from El Cerrito, CA, asks . “Hey Bob, how can I become as popular as You? A: . Interesting. Just the other day I was workin’ on my car “jammin'” to “Picking…
  • 07/20 - We Still Have Not Decided On A Name For Our Movie (by Stephen Johnson)
    After many late night sessions, we still have not decided on a name for our movie. I kninda thought that “Full Metal Debra” and Debra Foreman Don’t Wear Plaid”, but…
  • 07/17 - New title, Same Idiot (by Stephen Johnson)
    New title, same idiot. Pretty cool.I was remiss in not mentioning a really nice Deborah Foreman site called “In Worship O’ Deborah Foreman”. We have included a link to that…
  • 07/17 - I Anyone Dumber Than Bob? (by Bob Senitram)
    NYMETS (An alias) asks:My God. Is anyone as stupid as you? A: . Hmmm, Let me get right on that, with…thinking. I dunno. I’m sittin’ here with a notepad in front of…
  • 07/13 - I Am Generally Pissed About Something, But Not Today… (by Stephen Johnson)
    Normally when I write this, I am generally pissed about something. But, not today. Nope. I have been extremely happy the last few days from an email I happened to…
  • 07/10 - The Parents Television Council (by Stephen Johnson)
    There is an organization called the Parents Television Council that is having sponsor’s pull advertisements from certain television programs that they deem unfit for our society. Recently, MCI and Dr.…
  • 07/10 - Darva Carvey? (by Bob Senitram)
    Mij Nosirrom, from “South Texas” Asks:“I’ve been a little out of touch lately, but now I have a computer and I’m learning a bunch of shit about the world that…
  • 07/06 - Kids Skateboarding… (by Stephen Johnson)
    I was bored on Sunday, and happened to switch on ESPN 2, and watched about 2 minutes of these kids skateboarding. I was thoroughly disgusted. I can remember when I…
  • 07/03 - The True Meaning of Independence Day (by Stephen Johnson)
    Before I get into the true meaning of Independence Day, I would like to issue an apology to John Rocker. Before Thursday’s Mets vs. Braves game, Mr. Rocker read a…
  • 07/03 - Russian Spy Goats (by Bob Senitram)
    Teikei44, asks: “Why do the Russian Spy Goats always put out our fire, otherwise known as a traumazization???” A: . Good Question! Actually traumazization is not a misspelling of traumatization, it is a term…
  • 06/29 - John Rocker Is Coming To New York! (by Stephen Johnson)
    On Thursday, John Rocker is coming back to New York to pitch. Extra security has been added, and the Mets have built a special barrier over and around the Atlanta…
  • 06/26 - Something Happened Within the Last Few Days… (by Stephen Johnson)
    Something happened within the last few days that shocked and sickened me. Usually I do not get easily repulsed, but as you read this, you will find out why I…
  • 06/22 - We Went To Nebraska! (by Stephen Johnson)
    We went to Nebraska last week to scout locations for the movie. I kept a diary of our trip which you can read below because we are really giving people!!!…
  • 06/15 - No New Posts Next Week… (by Stephen Johnson)
    Please remember that there will be no new posts until 6/21/00. We will be scouting sites around the country for the movie, and will probably be really, really drunk. In…
  • 06/01 - Holiday With Deborah Foreman… (by Stephen Johnson)
    This past holiday weekend as I lay in the hospital recovering from shattered knee, I tried to think of ways to get Deborah Foreman back on the big screen. Remember…
  • 05/29 - Currently In The Hospital… (by Stephen Johnson)
    Note From the Editor: “JOHN” IS CURRENTLY IN THE HOSPITAL DUE TO A SEVERE CASE OF FOOD POISONING. WE ARE GOING TO POST ONE OF HIS OLDER COLUMNS FOR ANYONE…
  • 05/29 - Bullum-Head? (by Bob Senitram)
    June Pulsifer asks: “What’s a bullum-head?” Dear June: Put simply, a bullum-head is a term used by any decent country folk to describe a person with an odd shaped, or…
  • 05/25 - My Good Buddy… (by Stephen Johnson)
    So, my good buddy Matthew Perry ran his car into someone’s porch because he was trying to avoid another vehicle. And he wasn’t under the influence of drugs or alcohol.…
  • 05/22 - Pest Control (by Bob Senitram)
    Andy from Tallahassee FL, . Asks: Why in the hell do the pest control companies keep on making the rat poisons and cockroach killers better smelling? . Now to me, a poison should stink…
  • 05/22 - Your Support Is Appreciated! (by Stephen Johnson)
    I would like to thank everyone who sent us email the last few days. Your support is very much appreciated, and we will try our best to satisfy each and…
  • 05/18 - You Can Thank Me! (by Stephen Johnson)
    I would like everyone to thank me. Because of me, the cast of “Friends” are not getting a million dollars per edpisode. They all realized that I was correct and…
  • 05/15 - And The Lucky Winner Is… (by Stephen Johnson)
    Pretty soon, one lucky winner will be the 10,000th visito, unless we get shut down by Kathie Lee because she is a bitch, or we get shut down by Cody…
  • 05/15 - Where Is My Rocket Pack! (by Robert Senitram)
    Pdelacoppa asks: . “It’s the year 2000, so where’s our Rocket Packs! . I thought we’d strap them to our backs. . .I expected to have a car with no tires, and a maid made out…
  • 05/08 - Jeri Ryan Asks (by Bob Senitram)
    Jeri Ryan of Burbank, CA, asks: . Star Wars this, Star Wars that! People spend so much time thinking about Star Wars they loose track of the really important things (Like Star…
  • 05/08 - Some Tidbits (by Stephen Johnson)
    If you only do one thing today, please remember to visit Deborah Foreman’s site which has some really cool stuff. We have provided a link located (kind of) to the…
  • 05/08 - Cuba (by Stephen Johnson)
    After many minutes of soul searching, I have come to the conclusion that Elian should NOT have to go back to Cuba. We, as Americans, need to open our arms…
  • 05/08 - Not Just Mini Vans… (by Stephen Johnson)
    I am going to continue with my rant on drivers. See, after about 12 beers, I was making my way home at about 730 one evening. I did have the…
  • 05/05 - Script For The Weirdcrap.go.cc Movie! (by Stephen Johnson)
    The script for “Weirdcrap.go.cc: The Movie” has been started! We have finished the first line on the first page and we are amazed at where the story can now go.…
  • 05/04 - Soccer Moms (by Stephen Johnson)
    It amazes me that everyone is worried about Elian, Microsoft, if God is real, will Oprah get really, really fat again, etc., when there is a more serious problem that…
  • 05/01 - Evolution (by Bob Senitram)
    Phil Barry (Chicago, IL) asks:” My Professor says ‘Yes.’ My Pastor says,’ No.’ My Mother says, ‘Get a job.’ Who am I to believe? Is evolution real or not? Did…
  • 05/01 - A Pay Raise? (by Stephen Johnson)
    So, the cast of “Friends” want a huge pay raise. And they are worth it because????? My honest opinion is the show really sucks. I don’t like it, so neither…
  • 04/23 - Elian (by Bob Senitram)
    Q: Yo Bob, what’s your take on this Elian thing? A: It’s always something… I think it is wonderful that the United States was able to rescue a small boy from…
  • 04/23 - A Guest Writes My Column! (by Stephen Johnson)
    (Ann O’Naemis is filling in for John Stevenson on this weeks column since John is as lazy as he is stupid.) By Ann O’Naemis RELIGIONS: God inflicts pain. If you believe…
  • 04/20 - What Is This? (by Bob Senitram)
    Q: What’s with this Weirdcrap? Where did you get the name and why do you bother? A: Good question, I can best answer your question with a song… But I…
  • 04/16 - He-Man (by Bob Senitram)
    Q: Is He-Man Real?A: That is a very silly question! Of course He-Man is real. Do you really think the human mind could have dreamed up all those fantastic adventures? Oh,…
  • 04/16 - Cancelled? (by Stephen Johnson)
    I recently found out that “Beverly Hills 90210” is going to be cancelled!!!!! What??!!!! It seems like only yesterday that this groundbreaking television show began. I can remember me and…
  • 04/09 - Selling Fur (by Bob Senitram)
    Little Jimmy Baker writes:I am considering selling the fur from my duck-billed platypus because it seems to be the vogue thing to do and, quite frankly, I need the money.…
  • 04/09 - I Dare You… (by Stephen Johnson)
    Wait a minute!!!! How dare you post what I wrote as last weeks column!!! You over-stepped the boundaries on this one, “Rob”. Sure, I did dare you to post it.…
  • 04/02 - Im Pissed! (by Stephen Johnson)
    You bet I’m pissed!!!!!! Am I pissed about McCarthyism? No. Am I pissed about those ruffians with their slicked back hair, driving around in their hot rods while they listen…