I Bought New Jeans!

More Lunatic Ravings…

David Bowie–The Next Day

MoTW—Evil Dead (2013)

Wow. The response from my last opus, “An Issue With Sneaker”, was so overwhelming that I decided to let it hang around for a few weeks. I’ve got lots and lots to write about but I must have hit a nerve with my issue with sneakers I wanted to give even more people the chance to read about MY ISSUE WITH SNEAKERS.

Must be a clothing thing. So, instead of writing about one of the many deep topics I have written in my notebook, I’m going to write about clothing again! This week it will be jeans! Dungarees! Denim pants! Whatever else you call ’em!

According to The Woman, I have too many pairs of jeans. She is shocked that I have so many. Yet, as I explained to her earlier this week, there’s only 5-6 pairs that I can wear without worrying about folks noticing the holes, especially those in the ass and that one pair that has both an ass hole as well as a frontal groin hole.

It’s the same with a majority of the jeans. A hole beginning to form on the back right pocket and holes in the upper corners of the pockets, one on the upper right of the left hand pocket and the other on the upper left of the right hand pocket.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t have an issue wearing them at the right time and at the right place. However, if I’m at church getting some free wafers and apple wine, I don’t want the congregation to notice that I’m am not wearing any underwear.  Plus, if I happen to bend over and the holes tear even more, then some old ladies will either be embarrassed, completely turned on or absolutely disgusted. Wouldn’t want that now, would we?

So off the Penney’s we went today and as “luck” would have it, they only had one pair in my size. I wear a special size, you see (I think), and that’s why they only had the one pair. No worried though! Byron, our salesperson, was more than happy to order a couple pairs for me and have them shipped to the store.

Good salesperson he was, he did find a pair and said I should try them on. They were not in the blue jeans color I like the most, but he took the extra effort so I went ahead and tried them on. They were comfortable and the best part about them was that if I were to ever bend over, the top crack of my ass would show! So I bought them as well as the other pair I had found!


Now I have two new pairs of jeans on hand with a couple more coming in 7-10 days. Isn’t life wonderful??!!

COMING NEXT: Deep stuff unless I buy new shirts!

Stephen Johnson

The idea of building a website with Bob came from Stephen in the days of message boards and chat rooms. We settled on the name TheWeirdcrap.com and the rest is history. Retired since he hit the ripe age of 25, he spends most his time doing odd-jobs around the house and digging thru trash bins for "stuff that's still good." Stephen has contributed several short stories and hosted the "Lunatic Ravings" column since the beginning (1999). The idea of writing weekly columns came from Stephen before blogs or blog sites ever existed. So, I guess that makes him THE FIRST BLOGGER IN THE WORLD!!!


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