The Senitram Road Trip 2022

By Bob Senitram

It’s that time of year again where we plan the anual Senitram road trip. Schools out and the ol’ Lady flips thru travel magazines looking for ways to spend hard earned pay… I mean create meaningful experiences for our daughter.

You can Ask Bob a question!
He knows more than you! He has a degree in S-C-I-E-N-C-E.

Instead of going to Colorado to visit the Senitram Family Cabin, this year we traveled to my home state of good ol’ Nebraska, where the grass is always brown, the food is always burnt, and the kids are all below average.


Fort Robinson was our destination. It was an old US Calvary Fort.

Oh, but so much more…

First a trading company to give out rations to Native Americans, but the recipients were being cheated out of their food and supplies, there was an argument and a guy from the trading company got kilt. We literally sent in the calvary who set up a camp in case there’s another stir. 20 years later the trading company was set up as a calvary fort. Later, it became a place to train horses, then dogs and by World War II, it was transitioned to a prisoner of war camp. What better place to drop prisoners than good ol’ Nebraska. Just listening to the locals rave about the corn huskers would be torture enough.

So what it boils down to, we spent close to $500 to spend a couple of days in a prisoner of war camp. Those lucky Nazis got to stay there free, and they got free food. But it’s not as bad as it sounds. They fixed it up with running water, and battery powered lamps so we could see at night. There was even a volume dial on the wall where they piped in both kinds of music…country AND western!

I was a little self consious when we first arrived and I noticed a lot of people staring at me when we went to the resturant to get some vittles. Then I realized I’m the only non-caucasian in the place. Here I am, a 5ft Hispanicano who’s no more attractive than your nicest garden gnome walking in with a 6ft super-model, trophy-wife. I thought I was defiinitly in for trouble. But then I realized that the family and me are the only people within a 200 mile radius that weighed under 300 lbs.

That was it, those rural Nebraskans are big and fat and they like their food. A perfect place to order a meal! So I ordered a $7 open face Barbeque Buffalo sandwich had about 4 lbs of meat stacked on texas toast, with mashed potatoes and gravy. I could barely finish half. I found it difficult to walk back to the cabin, I mean the prisoner camp, because my arteries were hardening with each passing minute.

The next morning I woke up about 10 lbs heavier and ordered a pancakes and eggs platter. It consisted of two 1/2 inch thick pancakes the size of the plate, with 2 eggs and sausage. The previous meal must have stretched out my stomach, because I ate the whole thing. By the end of the trip I transitioned from a garden gnome to a Danny DeVito with a most ridiculous haircut. All in all, I’m pretty sure I gained 20 pounds by the time we drove home.

But before we drove home, we drove to the closest town, which is about 3 miles away. I think the first clue that we were approaching a red-neck jungle, was a sign congradulating the senior class, which I imagine amounted to about 3 kids. It said, “CLASS OF 22′ – YOU DID IT, YOU CRAZY SON’S OF BITCHES, YOU REALLY DID IT!”

you crazy

“Pinkies up, everyone. We are entering high society!” The ol’ lady says.

That town was pretty beat up. Looked like a ghetto in the worst part of Mexico. I guess with a population of 600, it’s hard to make money ’cause you don’t have enough customers to ever make a profit. The ol’ Lady was convinced it was in such delapidated condition because they are all crack or meth-heads.

We stopped at the local store and got some supplies…I saw 3 cans of baby formula!

That got me to thinkin’ outloud, “In a town over 150 years old, with only 600 people, how do you find someone to reproduce with, that isn’t a relative?” I ask the ‘ol lady.

“You don’t.” She replies.

From that point on, I’m keeping a sharp eye out in hopes of seeing an inbred mutant playin’ a banjo on a porch swing, or someone with an arm growing out of his back, or an extra ear pokin’ out their forehead, or somethin’. But I don’t see anything…seemed like a wasted trip.

My ho-hums about the trip ended that afternoon when we took a 2 hour tour around some local hiking trails. That turned out to be an adventure of a lifetime that I’ll tell my grandkids about…and you, next week!

COMING NEXT: THE SENITRAM ROAD TRIP – PART TWO

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Bob Senitram

Webmaster and editor of TheWeirdcrap.com. I obtained a bachelor's degree in micro-biology around the turn of the century but was quickly tracked down and forced to return it to its rightful owner and pay a $25 fine. *** A fan of science fiction, I started this website in 1999 as a portal for science fiction stories that have never been published. *** Completely devoid of talent, I decided to call on the public to supply content. Shortly afterwards Stephen and I started writing weekly columns and have continued to this day.

http://TheWeirdcrap.com

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