This is a late entry for the new year, but I’m real busy with the new kid and all. But I have much to write about because me head is always full of foolish ideas.


This year, we welcomed our first snow of the year. The ol’ lady was sick with the flu, so mostly I tried to help around the house and I went outside with Baby Gurl #1 to shovel snow. She packed down the snow in the driveway I was shoveling and then proceeded to throw show at me while I shoveled, leaving myself wet and cold and getting more snow on the area I just shoveled.

I kept my cool and laughed it off, it was the first snow of the year. Let her have her fun, I say. When it was all said and done and Baby Gurl #1 & 2 were asleep, I did the dishes ‘cause the ol’ lady was sick and sleeping. Then I did the dishes.

Turns out I only had one beer on hand, so my new years was a sober one. Weeeeeeeee!

More interesting is the New Years of days gone by, since I’m all settled down and responsible.

So lets go back ten years ago when Stephen Johnson and I went drinking at a bar called “The Oak Ridge Boys Lounge.” We seemed to like going there because he’s a long haired hippy and I’m a Hispanicano. We always got “The Look” and we liked it that way.

Stephen was trying to fix me up with his girlfriend’s friend. She wasn’t a real looker, but she did like to drink, was was good enough for me. Stephen’s lady’s friend and I ended up having a contest to see who could drink the most tequila shots, I’m not sure who won, but by closing time Stephen, his lady, and another friend followed me to my car because despite my insistence that I was “ok”, he said I was drunk off my ass and couldn’t drive.

I got to my car and couldn’t get the key in the door. I dropped my key twice and after failing to unlocking my car door again, I gave my key to Stephen who was patiently waiting in the snow and cold blowing wind.

He took my key, laughed, and grabbed me by my coat collar and pushed me in the back seat of his car. We drove to Jim’s house where they gave me cola after cola while we watched TV until I was sober enough to drive the two miles to my house.

Then Stephen drove me to my car and I managed to drive sloooowly and safely to my house. Once home, I was instructed to call to let him know I was safe.

Had Stephen not intervened, I might not have made it home safe. I wouldn’t have finished college, met my wife and be enjoying the mellow life I enjoy now with my two Baby Gurls.

So I guess, for the first time in my life, this New Year, I am admitting that I am thankful to Stephen Johnson for watching out for me when I needed it. I hope you remember this story the next time your with someone who insists they are “Ok to drive.”

However, keep in mind, 99.99999999999999999999999999% of the time, Stephen has proven time and time again that he is a worthless-bastard-son-of-a-bitch-type-o-guy.

And I mean that in a nice way.

COMING NEXT: What’s new!

Bob Senitram

Webmaster and editor of TheWeirdcrap.com. I obtained a bachelor's degree in micro-biology around the turn of the century but was quickly tracked down and forced to return it to its rightful owner and pay a $25 fine. *** A fan of science fiction, I started this website in 1999 as a portal for science fiction stories that have never been published. *** Completely devoid of talent, I decided to call on the public to supply content. Shortly afterwards Stephen and I started writing weekly columns and have continued to this day.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.


Enjoyed this? Please spread the word :)