One Little Plan Broken Into Pieces

Dragonforce—“Sonic Firestorm”

MoTW—“The Hills Have Eyes (2006)”

When I was done shitting. showering and eating breakfast, I went back to
my room, pulled Mrs Beasley from the closet and sat her on the bed.

“Okay, here’s the plan. When everyone’s asleep and I knock three times
on my door, I want you to sneak into my parents room and behead them.
When you’re done with that, you then will sneak downstairs and behead my
brother. Oh yeah, behead the poodle too since that little shit hates me
for some reason.”

No response from Mrs Beasley. I picked her up and shook her figuring she
might still be in shock from the monkey sex, but I got nothing but a
blank stare from her glassy eyes.

I put my ear to her head and heard nothing. No humming motor, no sound
of the ocean, nothing. Just the sound a normal doll’s head makes, which
is the sound of nothingness.

Figuring the batteries had died, I popped off her skull and removed the
motor. At this moment my brother walked in and started laughing.

“Playing with dolls now? First monkeys and now
dolls. Incredible ”

“Yeah, think what you want to think,” I said as I pulled a couple of new
batteries from my desk drawer. “But you’ve gotta check this shit out.”

“Whatever,” he said as I put the new batteries into the motor and shoved
it back into Mrs Beasley’s head. “I just came by to see if you’ve seen
my monkey.”

I jammed the skull back on and set the doll on the floor. She blinked a
couple times and then went back to acting like a normal doll.

“Nope, no monkey here,” I said not wanting to explain what the monkey
had been doing a short time before.

“Well, if I find that you’ve……”

“KILL HIM MRS BEASLEY! KILLLLLLLL HIMMMMM!” I screamed as I pointed at
my brother.

She immediately came to life and got to her feet. As my brother watched
with a shocked look on his face, she walked a bit unsteadily over to him
and started tearing at his pants with her tiny hands.

Since her fingers weren’t separated, she didn’t do too much damage. As a
matter of fact the only damage she might have done was put a miniscule
wrinkle on his pants that the naked eye couldn’t see.

“Cute,” my brother said as he kicked the doll and, as she sailed through
the air, left my room.

She smacked against the wall and slowly slid down until she hit the
floor while I sat down on the bed thinking about how I obviously needed
a new plan.

“I can’t have any more tea because my cup is full,” she said.

COMING NEXT: Back to square one

Stephen Johnson

The idea of building a website with Bob came from Stephen in the days of message boards and chat rooms. We settled on the name TheWeirdcrap.com and the rest is history. Retired since he hit the ripe age of 25, he spends most his time doing odd-jobs around the house and digging thru trash bins for "stuff that's still good." Stephen has contributed several short stories and hosted the "Lunatic Ravings" column since the beggining. The idea of writing weekly columns (blogs didn't exist yet) also came from Stephen. So I guess that makes him the creator of the "blog" phenomena.

https://theweirdcrap.com

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