Hello? It is just me. You are still in bed you say. Well that is alright, please don’t hang up I need to tell you something I think you are going to find very interesting…
It was a week ago that I first came aware of it on my kitchen ceiling; it might have been there for weeks for all I know. I just happened to notice it as I was sitting at my kitchen table enjoying kippers, poached eggs and orange juice. For some unexplainable reason I felt like I needed to look up… And as I did I noticed a small splotch on my ceiling, right in the corner which adjoins to my dining room. It is hard to express exactly what it looked like and I had never seen anything quite like it before. I guess you could say it was a greenish gray in color, and looked like it had the texture of a cold gooey rice pudding. It was about the size of a saucer. I stared at it a while, but then I noticed the time, realizing that I had a long days work at the post office to contend with.
I didn’t much consider it further for a couple of days, in fact. To be honest, I had almost forgotten all about it. That was at least until last Tuesday. I once again found myself having breakfast; Smokey bacon, two slices of toasted Hovis and some farm fresh scrambled eggs, and a glass of freshly squeezed grapefruit juice. I cannot understand it, but over the last month I have had a huge appetite, and have gained almost a stone in weight, but I am enjoying food more than I ever have done before. Anyhow, as I sat there contently chomping away I noticed, to my amazement, that my blotch had grown in size considerably as it was now about three foot square. I suppose, in retrospect, I should have done reacted to it right there and then, called in a professional or something. But I did not; I simply stared and studied it for about half an hour. It was strangely fascinating and I almost imagined that it was staring right back at me, plotting and planning.
This brings us directly to this morning. I awoke at my usual 6:25 A.M to the delightful and whimsical sounds of BBC radio Yorkshire, and as I was lying there in the darkness contemplating my delicious pork sausages, baked beans and fried mushrooms which I was going to prepare for breakfast. It took me a moment to realize that I was completely unable to move my legs. Confused and I have to admit scared I managed to reach out and with some enormous effort, managed to put on my bedroom light. As I peered down to see what on earth was containing my legs I couldn’t help but scream… Yes, of course, you have guessed my plight haven’t you? My blotch, please understand, is currently positioned directly over my feet, I can feel the warmth of it, and my feet are tingling somehow, what is more within its peculiar mass I can definitely define something that looks rather like an unblinking eye. But that isn’t what intrigues me the most, as there also appears to be some sort of a proportionally oversized mouth formed, and it appears to be actually salivating. It now is as big as I am, perhaps bigger. It is strange though, I am not afraid, not even a little bit. I admit at first I was, but at right now I actually feel calmer and more mentally alert than I can ever recall. Somehow I felt compelled to pick up the phone and dial you, I am not sure why. But you see for some bizarre reason I completely understand what they want, needs, and intend. Yes, that is quite right, I did say they… Bother, I can no longer move anymore, It is fine really, I understand everything now, but I think that you should look up at your ceiling.