What Follows Has No Title

Loverboy—Just Getting Started

MoTW—Beyond The Valley Of The Dolls

Best Buy just doesn't do "it" for me anymore. I don't know, maybe I'm
getting old and a bit behind the times or something.

Last Sunday I went there before I had to make an appearance at a wake.
That's always what I do before going to a wake. Check out shit at Best
Buy and then go check out a dead body. It's my upbringing I suppose.

So I'm wandering the CD aisles and a helpful sales person came over
wanting to know if I was finding everything ok or if I needed some help.

I told her I was good which led to her responding, "If you need anything
let me know and, just so you know, you can find Amy Winehouse in the
bestseller section."

And to this I snappily replied, "Do I look like someone that listens to
music from a crackwhore?"

Of course that caused her to scurry away crying cause she was just
trying to do her job so I quickly left the store feeling pretty sorry
for myself because I couldn't find anything to purchase, but brightened
up considerably when I remembered that I would soon be gazing at a dead
body. Yay!

Then the woman decided she wanted a new computer so to Best Buy we went
this past Saturday.

When a salesman came over to see if we were planning to rob the store or
were there to actually buy something, I told him we were looking for a
computer and that we needed it basically for the operation of our
website about the upcoming end of the world. I then opened up my eyes
really wide and stared at him without saying anything for a few seconds,
just to get my point across.

To this I got a meek "Oh", so I let the woman take over and I stomped
away, totally irritated and let down.

(Just so you know, I went to Best Buy with her dad last year because he
wanted a new computer and when I told the salesman he wanted something
fast so he could access porn sites quicker, the salesman got the joke.
Or was it a joke?)

So I wandered around the store looking through all sorts of stuff but
not finding anything interesting. I was starting to get highly annoyed
at this when the woman found me and said that she was ready to go but
that we would need to come back in a couple hours since they were
installing some anti-Communistical software or something.

We left and stopped at some places she wanted to go and then went back
to Best Buy. As she waited in line to see if the computer was done, I
did some more wandering and still found nothing of interest, except for
that 80's classic comedy, "Zapped!" but she interrupted me as I sat
holding the DVD while I remembered all the classic scenes from that
classic comedy starring that classic Bugsy Malone (or for you younger
folks, Chachi) guy.

The computer wasn't ready yet so I tossed the DVD back on the shelf and
we were off again.

What happened next is a blur, but I think we ended up at a meth house
which she refused to go into so I got mad and went to a movie theater
and bought tickets to a Tyler Perry retrospective but she wasn't into
that either because she didn't think we would get the humor so we drove
around some more until it was time to head back to Best Buy.

This time I waited in the car as she went to pick up the computer.

As I sat waiting, I drew up plans for a new store called Better Purchase
with computer experts called the Dweeb Team and everything will be a
dollar cheaper and the store colors will be blue on yellow and other
stuff that's like Best Buy but really isn't.

Support me in my new endeavor. Send me money.

COMING NEXT: I keep promising and I never deliver

Stephen Johnson

The idea of building a website with Bob came from Stephen in the days of message boards and chat rooms. We settled on the name TheWeirdcrap.com and the rest is history. Retired since he hit the ripe age of 25, he spends most his time doing odd-jobs around the house and digging thru trash bins for "stuff that's still good." Stephen has contributed several short stories and hosted the "Lunatic Ravings" column since the beginning (1999). The idea of writing weekly columns came from Stephen before blogs or blog sites ever existed. So, I guess that makes him THE FIRST BLOGGER IN THE WORLD!!!


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