I need to apologize to Ralph and to everyone who read my column last week.
I know it’s kind of weak, but it was my time of the month, and I lost my head. I guess the feel of the blood dripping from between my legs might have given me this sense of power to do something as insane as beating on my poor, dearest Ralph.
I have always had a very good sense of smell, and the scent of blood last week also drove me to rage. It’s a normal thing because I’ve seen animals on those nature programs on tv get riled up over the smell of blood.
Maybe I’m making excuses, but I can swear that they’re all true! Ralph had no choice but to call the police and have me forcibly removed from the trailer. There are certain places that a nightstick should not be shoved into and I can tell you first hand that not all of them are comfortable. A couple actually are, but that’s another story for another day.
So now I have been ordered to stay at least 100 yards from the trailer and Ralph until I go to court later this week and plead my case. I just want Ralph to know that I am very sorry and swear that I will never raise a hand or my voice at him again. I know how a woman is supposed to act around her man and my actions were definitely wrong.
I don’t know what happened to Dana, who is the reason behind this mess. I can only hope that the police found her/him a good home or lab. After I make amends with Ralph, I don’t want to even think about Dana!!
Oh well, I’ve gotta go and write an apology to Ralph. He likes those sort of things, which is another reason why I love him so much!!
See ya!!!
NEXT WEEK: My day in court!!
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