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Editors Note:
I was just about to post when I realized I did not give a top ten list of movies and music which has been a tradition her at TheWeirdcrap.com since 2000. But I haven’t done that since 2000, which means I’ve only done the list once. So I guess skipping one more time won’t hurt, besides I haven’t liked a theatre production since “Gone with the Wind”.

Come to think of it, I haven’t liked a long playing record since Frank Sinatra released, “Don’t get caught in the subway bady, don’t get caught in the pouring rain.” I think that’s the name?

Oh, well. We now return to our regular programming.

In my last column I helped a reader get out of the dog-house with his ol’ lady by reminding him to kiss her ass without thinking. Which I think is pretty good advice, unless your wife is a complete psycho and there is no correlation between actions and her un-predictable mood swings which change minute to minute.

Susan writes:

What is a man thinking when he’s “into you” at first, but soon after you get intimate with him, he “cools off” and starts acting distant.

Dear Susan:
This is exactly what he is thinking, “Thanks and I’m done.”

Time to move on.

He was just “into you” so he could get a little “sumthin’-sumthin’”.

Chances are, he didn’t even know he was “into you.”

Once, a long time ago, when I was a young pup in college, I started hanging out with a married woman. She had a knock out body and to be quite honest I was just happy hangin’ so I could admire her two huge round eyes.

After a month or so we started a sexual relationship, which made me sort of nervous because I’m somewhat of a coward and didn’t want to get my ass kicked by her ex-football player hubby.
Eventually things settled down between us and she got divorced and that was that.

But right in the thick of things, when we were still hot and heavy, she looked me in the eyes and said, “You know what I love about you? You get me. You really get me.”

My first thought was, “What the hell?” I had no idea what she was talking about. I just liked “hangin’-out” and “doin’-it.”

Then I realized that I had been listening to her talk for the last several months. Every so often I added a, “Me too!” or “I’ve always thought the same thing!” But I just said that to make it look like I was listening.

I concluded that if you let women do all the talking and always agree with them, they conclude that you are “into them.”

And there you have it.

I wasn’t trying to be a tricky-tricky-boy, I just had a previous girlfriend that said I would be the perfect boyfriend if I never opened my mouth (on account, I’m not real smooth or diplomatic). So next time around, I took her advice. Worked pretty good.

In case you’re wondering what type of guy your mixed up with, I categorized our behavior into three personality types for you ladies to study.

1) The guy who doesn’t “get much”. He’ll stick around once he gets laid because he thinks it might be a year before he gets laid again.

2) The guy who can “get-it” any time he wants. Either he is really good looking or he listens (sound familiar), or he’s really funny. He may stick around for a day, week or year…nobody really knows!

3) Who’s the third type? Someone that for whatever reason looked at you the first time and just can’t stop thinking about you. He wants to get laid like everyone else, but he won’t go there if he thinks it’ll scare you off. For what-ever reason, he thinks your one step above him.

And now we ended up right back where your mom left off. If a guy starts saying he wants to take your relationship to the next level, he just wants to get laid. Which is ok, if that’s what you want.

But only be a “hoe” if you want to be a “hoe”. Don’t let yourself be tricked into being a proxy-hoe by some jack-ass.


COMING NEXT: Does anyone want to ask any interesting questions?

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