Pulling Stuff out of my Ass..

Before I get to that “out of my ass…” stuff, I got a big announcement:

In case anyone keeps track, there have been no updates on facebook or instagram for a week. Someone hacked into my TheWeirdcrap facebook page and posted some horrible things that got me kicked off.

Oh, god those hacka’s.

It seems lacking to me that facebook can’t tell if an account is hacked or not, they just shut you down and call it done. Seems to me that a blunt force attack to your account login would be detectible.

It’s like having your car stolen, used as a getaway car to rob a bank, and they say it’s your fault because it’s your car.

Anyways, we’ll see if they can fix this, otherwise, I’m done with facebook. I thought traffic would take a big hit, but its the same without the facebook. I guess they introduced a few people here and there, but that’s it.

On to questions!

Hal C. writes:

You just pull shit out of your ass, don’t you?

This reminds me of a similar question sent to me years ago!

Speaking of years ago, I frantically looked thru boxes and boxes of old photos to find some rare gems from the early years of Stephen Johnson (Lunatic Ravings) and myself and decided to share them with the general public (that’s you).

Here’s a picture of Stephen and myself doing research just prior to the creation of TheWeirdcrap (the “.com” came later…after Al Gore invented the internet).

stephen and bob

Then once our first 100 copies were completed, here’s Stephen knocking on doors trying to give away our first edition.

giving it away

Even when we tried to give our great creation away for free, he just got one door slammed in his face after another.

Here’s a rare photo of our first edition:

Oh, yes. The question.

Well, Hal, I don’t know about pulling stuff out of my ass, but I definatly pull shit out of my ears.

Back in the day, when I had a job, I remember one day my ear started itching. It actually felt like a flow of warm gooey liquid was going to go trickling out of my ear. I put my finger in my ear and scratched, being carfull not to go too far and break my eardrum. When I pulled it out I had a nice coating of ear caramel on the end of my finger, which I appropriately wiped on my chair.

Still, something didn’t feel right in there. I poked my finger in my ear again and felt something. I fiddled with it a bit, and discovered it was a little piece of ear hair growing out. I thought only grandpa’s got ear hair, and I wasn’t a grandpa yet. This got me worried.

I started to feel a bit nervous about having this premature-grandpa-ear-hair, and frantically tried to grab, tug, and pull out that hair. I couldn’t get a good grip, my fingers kept slipping.

I think my fingers were slippery because they had a coating of ear wax. So, I put my fingers in my mouth to get ’em nice and clean. After a good lickin’ I Finally I got a good grip on that hair.

I’m picking at my ear, but each pull stung and made my nose itch and run.

I persist and get nice a good grip and I know it’s about to come out!

The itch and runny-ness in my nose gives way to a giant sneeze. A big buggery sneeze. Creamy white nose slop, slaps in my hand.

Just then I see my boss in my doorway. My head is tilted, eyes squinted, with one hand in my ear, and the other has snot dripping off my fingers.

Well, since earlier that year I was caught with my bare feet in breakroom sink (trying to get my body temperature up in the freezing cold air-conditioned air), and now this, I was barred from the cafeteria for one full year. But I guess that’s the price for creativity.

So your question….

So no, I don’t pull shit out of my ass, but I do pull shit out of my ear.

And Now You Know…

Song in my head:

COMING NEXT: I told you so!

More Ask Bob...

Bob Senitram

Webmaster and editor of TheWeirdcrap.com. I obtained a bachelor's degree in micro-biology around the turn of the century but was quickly tracked down and forced to return it to its rightful owner and pay a $25 fine. *** A fan of science fiction, I started this website in 1999 as a portal for science fiction stories that have never been published. *** Completely devoid of talent, I decided to call on the public to supply content. Shortly afterwards Stephen and I started writing weekly columns and have continued to this day.

http://TheWeirdcrap.com

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

error

Enjoyed this? Please spread the word :)