The Block Party: Part 2

Exodus—“Shovel Headed Kill Machine”

MoTW—“Event Horizon”

“Jerry’s Party Hut, how can I help you?”

“I’d like to order a clown.”

“That might be a bit tricky, it’s the busiest time of the year for
clowns. When do you need one?”

“Uhh….Saturday, August 26th?”

“That might be tough….let me see if we have any available for that
date.”

This was the last party store/clown rental place I was going to try.
Every other place had no clowns available so it looked pretty bleak.

“Okay, looks like we do have one. But……”

“But what?”

Well…..he’s not a really good clown.”

“I don’t care. Does he wear clown makeup?”

“Yes, all of our clowns are required to wear makeup.”

“Does he do tricks?”

“He knows one, maybe two. Doesn’t do them too well though.”

“No biggie. How about balloon animals? Does he know how to make balloon
animals?”

“He tries really hard.”

“Good enough. How much would it be if I needed him from 3 till
whenever?”

“Again, he’s not a good clown…..”

“No matter, I just need a fucking clown. How much?”

“I tell you what. I’ll send him over and you decide how much he’s worth
when it’s over. That’s probably the best way.”

And that’s how I got the clown.

The guests were a different matter since I don’t have what I can call
“friends” in this state, so I handed out fliers (with an easy to follow
map included) to the homeless folks in downtown Detroit inviting them to
an afternoon/evening of free food, drink and merriment. Fun for the
whole family! Bring the kiddies! Bring your friends! And most
importantly of all, FREE ALCOHOL!

Saturday the 26th rolled around and I was up with the dawn. I ate a
hearty breakfast and waved goodbye to the little lady as she headed out
the door for a little road trip up north to visit her sister, promising
her that I would keep myself busy that weekend with yard work and back
deck staining.

I waited an hour to make sure that she didn’t accidentally forget
something and have to turn around and show back up uninvited, and then
off to the store I went.

Two hours later I was back home with the following:

18 lbs potato salad
2 lbs hamburger
4 packages hot dogs
27 packages assorted Buddig meat
16 slices Kraft cheese food
20 cases Grape soda
20 cases Orange soda
6 boxes wine
40 cases Natural Light beer
2 head lettuce
4 packages carrots
2 packages frozen burritos
2 frozen pizzas
4 rolls toilet paper
2 packages hot dog buns
1 package hamburger buns
4 bottles apple flavored liquor
1 package plastic spoons
1 package napkins

I stuffed as much of the food into the mini-fridge in the garage and
left the rest in the corner. Next I brought some chairs from the
backyard and set them up on the driveway to look all festive, then I
blew up a couple balloons and threw them in the front yard to give it
that “I’m having a party” look.

COMING NEXT: The guests arrive

Stephen Johnson

The idea of building a website with Bob came from Stephen in the days of message boards and chat rooms. We settled on the name TheWeirdcrap.com and the rest is history. Retired since he hit the ripe age of 25, he spends most his time doing odd-jobs around the house and digging thru trash bins for "stuff that's still good." Stephen has contributed several short stories and hosted the "Lunatic Ravings" column since the beggining. The idea of writing weekly columns (blogs didn't exist yet) also came from Stephen. So I guess that makes him the creator of the "blog" phenomena.

https://theweirdcrap.com

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