A few weeks ago I saw one of those Peloton commercials where they’re telling folks “Ride faster, work harder, you can do it…blah, blah, blah.” I figured, I got a stationary bike. I don’t need to buy no fancy bike with a screen, I can do the same thing for free! I tapped a laptop to my bike handlebars with duct tape and put in a google search for “riding faster and harder.”
Ohhhh, don’t try that at home! I just got a bunch of porn videos, so I tried something more specific like, “Peliton workouts on youtube.” That worked much better and it was quite the workout!
The next day I had a project to move a bookshelf full of DVD’s and Videos.
I removed all the CD’s and VHS videos from the shelf. Moved it, then proceeded to restock it. Then, while reloading the video cassetts, something snapped in my knee while I was kneeling down.
Well that was that. I literally couldn’t bend my knee. It swelled up real good, so I iced it up and sat in the recliner for the rest of the day.
I’m sure it was because I pushed too hard on the bike…all because of those stupid Peloton commercials.
The next day I went to the doctor. I got a subscription for something to reduce the swelling, but it was still hard to walk, sit, or climb stairs. Doc said it would just take time.
Later tha day, barely able to move, I made a trek to the local store to get some flamin’ hot Cheetos. I figured it would be fine for me to park in a handicap parking space since I was obviously disabled.
It just so happened, a police officer was nearby and stopped me when I got out of my car. “You can’t park there sir.”
“Oh, its ok, I’m handicapped.” I explained.
“You need a handicap sticker.”
“I don’t have one.” I replied and limped on my merry way.
He followed, “You have to move your car. If you don’t, I’ll give you a ticket.”
“I injured my leg, I can barely walk!”
“That may be, but you need a handicap sticker.”
“I’ll just be a minute.” I said while entering the store,
He didn’t know, but I heard him mumble under his breath, “What a r*tard.”
“Mentally handicapped and a broken leg…that’s a double handicap…I win!” I shouted as I fist pumped the sky.
Well, that victory fell short as I returned to my car to find a ticket smartley tucked under my windshield.
Later that day, I saw on the news Steve Bannon refused to go to the Congress Court because he claimed ex-President Trump claimed executive priviledge on the matter.
I got to thinking, I could do that too. I’ll ask Trump to review my case, once he see’s my ticket, it becomes a top secret matter and no one else is allowed to look at it. Or even think about it, on account of the executive priviledge. I’m sure he’ll review my case and support me in this matter, ’cause I’m a loyal Trump supporter and I gave him money for his campaign.
He owes me!
So I made a copy of the ticket and enclosed it in a letter explaining how the “so called law” is comming after me, just like they’re comming after him and his friend Steve.
I’m sure he’ll come thru for me because I’m a good god fearing Republican Christian.
I’m due to show up in court in 3 weeks, but I’m not going. On account of executive priviledge. I’m very proud about representing the Republican Party in this way…THIS IS MY WATERLOO!!!
I’ll let you know how it all turns out!
And now you know!
Song in my head: