Quality Time!

Ralph has been promising me some quality time and it finally happened!!!

This past Sunday morning, I came home from a full night of work. Sunday is the day that Ralph and I spend some quality time together since this is the only day that we both have off.

Ralph usually wakes up as soon as I start making his breakfast because he likes to watch me shake my hips as I am stirring the pancake batter. This time it was different, because there was no Ralph!!

I thought he might have been in an accident or something, so I went to the bedroom to make sure he wasn’t lying in a pool of his own vomit. (One day I found him lying in a pool of my vomit, but that’s a story for a different day!!)

Imagine my surprise when I found Ralph and another woman lying naked in the bed!!! I started crying and this immediately caused Ralph to wake up.

He asked me what was wrong and I told him that I was very sorry that I wasn’t performing my wifely duties adequately and I felt rotten that he had to go out and find another woman.

He started laughing and so did this strange woman. I started crying some more until my Ralph told me that he was only testing me!!!

Since marriage is built on trust, he asked this strange woman to come home and lie naked in bed with him. When I came home, he wanted to make sure that I had the right reaction!!!

Normally, he said, women would get very upset and possibly leave their man in the same type of situation!! I think that’s silly!!!!

I know Ralph wouldn’t cheat on me, so why would I get mad? I’m glad he pulls these tests on me because I can learn how to be the perfect wife!!

Well, we all had a good laugh then I finished cooking breakfast for all of us. The strange woman stayed around for a few hours, then Ralph kissed her goodbye and she left.

I have to keep on my toes!! Ralph says there are many more tests to come!!!


NEXT WEEK: The proper way to clean heads!!

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Melissa Paternik

Melissa started writing columns back in 2000 when we first got going. She continued for several years and then retired her column. Other writers contributed to Chick Shit after she left. The archived columns are being added one by one and will appear from time to time.

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