Believe it or not, I’m in a mental hospital!!!
I thought the trial was going my way, especially since I decided to represent myself. I figured that I had watched enough of those law shows on tv to know what I was doing and it would be a great career booster for me.
I guess Ralph’s lawyer had other ideas since he basically tore me apart every time I opened my mouth. He would say stuff like, “Isn’t the only job you’re good at is dancing because you’re a whore and, other than whoring, that’s the only job a whore can do?” or “Can you cook anything BUT macaroni and cheese?”
No matter what answer I gave to these and other questions, he would shout “Liar!” and after a few days of this I finally broke down and started to cry.
The judge decided to call for a recess and I went to the ladies room to figure out my next course of action. I had planned to have Dana testify in my behalf at a later time, but I decided now would be as good a time as any.
When court was back in session, I called Dana as my witness. Now I could show everyone my alien baby and prove that I was under hardship due to my illicit sexual liaison with an alien who had left me to support Dana all by myself and that I wasn’t a danger to Ralph or others.
Since Dana didn’t speak, I figured that just looking at him/her would prove to the world that Dana was indeed an alien, but this didn’t happen since Dana said his/her first words when sworn in.
When he/she said “I do”, I fell to the ground and started screaming while slamming my head against the tile floor. The judge called for the guards and they soon had me strapped to a gurney and my mouth gagged as the trial continued.
Needless to say, I couldn’t voice any objections or try to fight for my rights so the judge declared me totally insane and sent me to the prison mental hospital.
So, here I am in the library pretending to do some research on the internet while I’m typing this. If you read this, please, for the love of God, HELP ME!!!
See ya!!
NEXT WEEK: I get my mental evaluation!!!
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