Lunatic Ravings!

Lunatic Ravings!

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Lunatic Ravings! was originally called, “I’m Pissed!” but we changed the name for syndication with a real network. Well, that company folded so we just kept the name!

Stephen is the first blogger in the world with the first column published in 1999. Find it in the Archives.

Recent Ramblings

What I Shall Eat During My Birthday Week

November 19, 2022

It’s strange….There’s quite a few people out there that want to know what I’m going to eat during my birthday week. I can’ let hem down, so here goes!SundayLasagna & CheesesticksMondayRice & Cheese & Beef StripsTuesday2 OmelettesWednesdayDunkin’ Donuts & Taco BellThursday (B’day and that other…

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I Muse

November 12, 2022

Talking about leaves as Bob did, I just use a lawnmower. That way, I don’t have to pick up anything. Just proves that he knows nothing so you might as well start asking me those questions.I was watching a Chuck Norris movie where he barges…

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Wait…Bob Watches Ads?

November 5, 2022

Reading Bob’s last post, I was struck by something. It was a hot pot of tea that my lady threw at me because I forgot to take out the garbage. After that was remedied, I was struck by something else. Does Bob actually WATCH ads?I…

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My Halloween Gift To You (That Took A Really, Really Long Time To Do)

October 29, 2022

All work and no play makes Stephen a dull boy. All work and no play makes Stephen a dull boy. All work and no play makes Stephen a dull boy. All work and no play makes Stephen a dull boy. All work and no play…

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We Got A New Garage Door Opener!!!

October 22, 2022

The garage door guy had no idea why the light on the garage door opener kept blinking. He even called around to find out what was going on, but nobody knew. So, we got a new garage door opener. That’ll do. It wasn’t easy for…

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What Else You Should Know That Management Forgot

October 15, 2022

In Bob’s post from 10/9, management decided to crack down on his shenanigans. However, they did not mention one of the most important tidbits of info that everyone MUST know. But first…..The light on our garage door opener is (now) constantly blinking. Before it was…

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My Latest Haircut

October 8, 2022

I got one of those haircut things this weekend. Went to my hairdresser who works out of her home. Drove over there and got there in good time since traffic was light. Was greeted by a dog when I walked up the driveway. It was…

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Why I Didn’t Post Anything Last Week

October 1, 2022

Got an email from corporate last week wondering why I didn’t post anything.So, I pulled the ole Luther card with an “I’ve been busy!”I even mentioned the name “Luther” and that made them scramble. I considered getting some empty glass bottles and clinking them together…

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All Because Of A Doll?

September 17, 2022

I don’t know where the darn doll is!Seems that since the Queen is dead, a certain Madame Alexander doll is selling for quite a high price. Also seems that someone who lives with me claims she had the doll when some prince died a year…

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The Real DJ Story

September 10, 2022

Bob’s latest columns are all about lies. Considering his age, disco wasn’t even a thing when he was in high school. Neither was funk. Nope. He basically stole the story of my life and went ahead and let you think it was all about him….

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Labor Day Weekend Post!

September 3, 2022

Since it’s Labor Day weekend, I technically don’t have to write anything since it’s a holiday. So I won’t. But you still read it, you fool!

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We Have Too Many Ladders

August 27, 2022

As I sat in garage pondering life and other stuff, I noticed that we have too many ladders. We once had four. Two small ones and two large ones. I gave away one of the small ones which leaves us with three, but that’s still…

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Musings And Jerome

August 20, 2022

There are probably people wondering about Jerome and why all that stuff happened. I just need to make it very clear that Jerome was not forced into anything. Never has been, never will be. Sure, he was offered money to drink certain liquids but he…

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Ad Free Version This Week

August 13, 2022

Well, that didn’t last long.Corporate wasn’t too happy with my ad placements and “tone”. For now all ads have been yanked from me which is really upsetting since I really, really wanted to do that one for a bra and gush over how it came…

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An Amendunum (Made Up Word!)

August 6, 2022

Wow.Some online help ya sites are just mean. Guess I didn’t follow their strict rules last week so we didn’t get paid. This reminds me when “Crocodile Dundee” came out and it was such a big hit. So big of a hit that I decided…

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The Present

July 30, 2022

Guess I’ll just talk about the present this week. I did remember something from our glorious past earlier this week, but forgot what it was. Must be age catching up or that nasty head wound that still leaks a little and it’s been awhile now….

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I Try And Save Your Childhood (No Thanks To Bob)

July 24, 2022

Found a way to make money for this site! Learned it from listening to podcasts, so let us begin. Bob’s latest post is supposedly part two of his ramblings, but wasn’t there already a part two before this part two? I think there was. He…

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I Gots Lotsa Screens

July 17, 2022

Instead of defending poppa and how he made Omaha the “city” it is today, I must take the time to talk to a person or two.Hey, guys (or gals).Just stop it.You think you know the internet when you really know nothing. When you weren’t even…

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I Ruin Bob’s Starla Story (Because I Can)

July 9, 2022

I want to ruin Bob’s story about Starla and tell you what happened to her. It probably won’t ruin his whole story, but the end will most definitely be ruined. It’s really sad since she hadn’t mastered how to ride an escalator. They had been…

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Now You’ll Know Where George Got His Idea

June 25, 2022

Skim Bob’s column about how we met and you’ll notice something strange yet familiar.Those that have swell reading retention might notice that a certain motion picture from the 80’s stole our real life adventure and made into a space movie. Yet we got zero stinking…

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Kids These Days. Sheesh!

June 18, 2022

This past Tuesday a couple kids decided to sell lemonade at the end of their driveway which just so happened to be directly across the street from me. You know,m they’re kids, they need money for something I guess. The woman had already purchased three…

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Baking Lasagna And Wasting Our Time

June 12, 2022

I’m currently baking lasagna so have time to waste. Yours AND mine!For those wondering, this is NOT made from scratch. If it was, that would mean that I would have had to grow the cheese, the sauce, the noodles, the meat and whatever else is…

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Maybe It Was Me?

June 4, 2022

I had some interesting things to tell all you folks last week but something happened so I didn’t tell you anything at all. We have a storage shed located somewhere north of Las Vegas. I decided to fly out there a couple weeks ago to…

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See? I Wasn’t Lying!

May 21, 2022

There’s been some people claiming that I’m making up all this stuff about us being in business well before the internet. Luckily for all of you doubters, Bob posted some very legit pictures of us before that said internet. That should make you all happy….

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Let’s Make The Dandelion A Flower And Other Crap

May 14, 2022

Well, I got around 50 minutes of my life back since two shows that I watch(ed) were cancelled. Can I replace those shows with another show or shows? Sure. But I’m really excited that I’ll have around 50 minutes more to myself starting around September…

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Thanks, Crest!

May 7, 2022

Was going to go to the way back machine again but accidentally saw a commercial that really bugged the heck out of me. Basically, it told the story of a young girl and her teeth. You would think it was something from the days of…

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No Shortages With Coke

April 30, 2022

In 1986 we finally got a copier!It cost quite a bit of money back then but price didn’t matter to us since we were using the cocaine. We might have bought the copier with cocaine, but the 80’s are mostly a blur to me for…

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We Have New Neighbors!

April 23, 2022

Didn’t notice until today that we have new neighbors!Should have figured it out when there wasn’t a temporary barricade built in the fall season so any leaves in our yard didn’t happen to blow into theirs. This hasn’t happened for a few years, so I…

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Wait! What’s With This New Chick Shit For Chic Chicks?

April 16, 2022

I just noticed something. Someone is pretending to be Melissa Paternik. Someone has stolen her fine name and has been submitting posts to “Chick Shit For Chic Chicks” claiming to be her. For one thing, I have to admit “Chick Shit For Chic Chicks” is…

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Somebody Stole My Radio

April 9, 2022

“Somebody stole my radio.”I found that old chestnut in one of the print versions of TheWeirdcrap!Guess during that time I drank heavily. Seems that I went to a bar and instead of listening to the band, I drank and listened to what I wanted to…

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Recall/No Recall

April 2, 2022

I don’t recall writing a column about Eggeberg Humptydink back in 1967 as stated by Bob. I also do not remember writing that blurb about Kiss in 1974, also stated by Bob. But I do remember writing this in 1981:“This is it. “Music From ‘The…

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A New Email And Some Old Stuff

March 26, 2022

I got this email regarding my “No X 100” post from 3/19/22. Ahem. “I have no idea what your last post is about…is there a second part that explains it all?” I told them to read it again and to get back to me if…

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No X 100

March 19, 2022

No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no…

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Those Dog Days

March 12, 2022

Eh. Go ahead and read Bob’s column from 3/7/22. When I saw the first paragraph and a picture was mentioned, I went into full-on panic mode.Thankfully Bob is still following the rules of the law layeth down upon him many, many years ago. We were…

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A Trip Down Memory Lane

March 5, 2022

I remember when The Weirdcrap existed before the internet. Many, MANY years ago this began. We didn’t know what a computer was so we scrawled stuff on paper with crayons and handed them out in whatever town we happened to be passing thru. I remember…

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The Jerome Saga Part Whatever: The Quickening

February 26, 2022

I don’t know what happened, but Jerome laid down some hard truth on me. Seems that if I write about what’s going on with Bob and him, then the whole world would know, including Bob.For some reason, I didn’t take this into account and now…

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Jerome Doesn’t Want To Live There Anymore

February 13, 2022

There was another phone call. “Hello?”“Jerome? Again?”“You’ve gotta help me.”“Geez, what now?”“Bob found me after I called you. He took me to his home. Then he put me in his BASEMENT!”“His basement?”“Yeah, you know. The one with the pee hole!”“Oh, wow.”“And now he’s trying to…

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The OTHER Return Of Jerome

February 5, 2022

It all started with a phone call.“What??!!”“Is this Stephen Johnson?”“Let’s pretend it is. Who’s this?”“It’s Jerome, I need your help. They’re after me!”“Sure, Jerome. Sure they are.”“You gotta come get me before they do!”“Who’s after you?”“Don’t worry about it, can you come get me?”“Not until…

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Wait. Did He Mention Jerome?

January 29, 2022

If you read the latest column from Bob (mostly filled with lies, as usual) and made it to the very, very end, you might have noticed what’s coming next from him. And you’re probably asking yourself, “Jerome? He’s still around?” Your guess is as good…

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Adventures in Truck Driving Part V: Really Hopeful This Is It Final Boogaloo

January 22, 2022

Sometimes you forget something. That’s what I did, so hopefully this is truly the last of this nonsense. Forgot that Bob, when getting chased by those children of the corn, decided to make an unwise decision and tried to seek shelter at a gas station/truck…

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Adventures in Truck Driving Part IV: The Really Final Total Insult

January 15, 2022

There was that one night when I was sleeping, a really nice, deep sleep. Probably the first time in ages I was having a sleep not induced by alcohol. Sleeping away I was when the phone rang. Of course I thought it was a dream,…

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No List, Partial Truck Driving Story Kind Of, Bob’s A Liar

January 8, 2022

For the last 60 years or so, I’ve done top ten lists for movies, music, tv shows, fashion trends, electronics, fast food, slow food, food and vegetables for the previous year. This year I’m not going to do that. Just don’t have the “feeling” I…

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Another Short One Since There’s A Mystery Sale!

December 11, 2021

HA!He had Fox News taken from him. That’s pretty funny. If he was like me, he wouldn’t watch the news. It’s better to not know what’s going on. Then, when people ask your views about this ir that, you can just give them that look…

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If You Want To Know, ASK BOB!

December 4, 2021

Can’t pick on Bob this week since he’s out $300. That would be……..rude?Don’t know why he wouldn’t want to go to jail for a few days though. Watch tv, play cards, drink coffee, eat three meals and sleep. What’s so wrong with that? Some of…

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Sleepy Bob? I Think Not!

November 20, 2021

So……..In Bob’s latest (he does one column a MONTH??!!) he claims that people called him “Sleepy Bob” whenever he smoked the marijuana. That’s not true at all. They called him “Stupid Bob” AND STILL DO! Just because he no longer smoked the dope doesn’t make…

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From The Lunatic Ravings Archive

A Lazy Secretive Thing With Stuff On Top

June 26, 2010

Y&T—FacemelterMoTW—Blue CollarBefore I get started, would like those that like classic rock/metal tojoin a new forum at It's an offshoot of a forum that's closing down on July 1st and has somereally great people onboard. It's also not your typical forum where'sthere's a bunch…

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My Latest Haircut

October 8, 2022

I got one of those haircut things this weekend. Went to my hairdresser who works out of her home. Drove over there and got there in good time since traffic was light. Was greeted by a dog when I walked up the driveway. It was…

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Complete Lunatics Archives can be found HERE