Hello, I’m back!!!!
I just experienced the most incredible week of my life!!! I am a bit shook up about it and it was an experience I will never, ever forget!!!!
I was walking home from work in the early morning on 7/20/23. I had just worked for 18 straight hours at the bar and I just couldn’t wait to get home and make Ralph his breakfast and get some cleaning done before I had to be back at work at 9 am.
I was about halfway home when I heard a strange sound from behind me. I turned around to find out what it was and saw two lights!!!
I was paralyzed with fear and could only stand and watch as the lights got closer and closer. When it appeared that they were right in front of me, they suddenly stopped moving!!!
I have heard many stories of people being abducted by aliens and know that they are respected and revered by people worldwide, plus they also made lots and lots of money by telling their abduction story to newspapers like “The Weekly World News” and “The National Enquirer”.
This was something too good to pass up. I fell to my knees and begged the aliens to take me away. I heard some voices and then something extremely heavy hit me in the head.
The next thing I remember is waking up lying on some sort of flat board. I couldn’t see anything and thought that I had gone blind, but when I felt my face I found that I was wearing some sort of weird leather alien mask!!!!
I was excited!!! FInally I could be like those others who had been abducted!!! I called out to the aliens and told them that I was ready for their experiments.
I heard a door open and the aliens came into the room!!! I was a little bit nervous, but knew that they wouldn’t do anything to hurt me since I was an ambassador from earth.
I felt a pair of alien hands exploring my body. I was thrilled to find out that the aliens smelled like Polo!!! I had always imagined that they would smell like dead lizards, but I was quite wrong!!!
Everything is pretty hazy in my mind, but I can tell you that I was definitely probed!!!! I was probed in every orifice imaginable, some more than once!!!! I was amazed at the thoroughness of their probing, and was so delighted that it was being done in the name of their science!!!!
After a period of very intense probing, I passed out and when I woke up I found myself lying naked in the field by the same road where I had been abducted!!! I started to cry because the aliens had left, but brightened up when I saw that one of the had left me a note that stated “Thank you.” !!!! I immediately stopped crying and though how intelligent and thoughtful these aliens were to learn our language!!!!!
When I got home, Ralph was understandably upset that I had been gone for what I found out was 5 days, but when he found out what had happened to me, he was very happy!!!
Now we’re waiting for the newspapers to call us back so I can tell them my story. We’re so excited since this a dream come true for both of us!!!
Bye!!!!
NEXT WEEK: Cookies!!!!
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