A Christmas Miracle!!!

I was very depressed the last few days. I couldn’t help but wonder why some of the girls I work with get such nice stuff like virtually rust free Festiva’s and double-wide trailer’s with almost all the windows intact.

But what about me?

I’m a nice person. I was good to Ralph and look what he did to me!! I walked by our old trailer and saw him through the window with two naked women!! Why couldn’t he be happy with just me?

Sure, I have a nice place to stay out in the woods, but gas is fairly expensive and I don’t have one of those red gas carrying containers so I do get very cold at night.

And to top it off, Christmas is coming up and I have no one to buy something for, unless you count my baby. Life just isn’t fair!!!

Or so
I thought.

When I woke up this morning, I felt something poking out of my unmentionable place. I was concerned and thought that maybe I had rolled over in my sleep and a stick had become lodged in me. I grabbed a mirror and held it down there and saw a hand poking out. It’s my baby!!!!!

And what’s even better is that it only has 3 fingers so it HAS to be an alien baby!! I figured it was hungry so I put a piece of granola in it’s hand and it disapeared up into me and then reappeared a few seconds later!!! Wow, what an incredible feeling!!

So, forget the double-wides and the Festivas!! I bet those other women don’t have a small hand poking out of their unmentionable’s!!! They don’t know what they’re missing!!

See ya and have a Merry Christmas!!!

NEXT WEEK: Even more about me and my baby!!

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Melissa Paternik

Melissa started writing columns back in 2000 when we first got going. She continued for several years and then retired her column. Other writers contributed to Chick Shit after she left. The archived columns are being added one by one and will appear from time to time.

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