Is it Christmas, Goat-cheese-mas, or Birthday?

I have no fucking clue what the fuck is going on anymore. According to Comedy Central Bush and Cheney are criminals. Why are they all over the news? What have they done now? Who cares? Its Christmas time and Christmas is under attack, never mind about our civil rights.

It’s Christmas and I’ve got shit to buy and a God to avoid.

We put up our Christmas tree, and the Lord tells me that he feels threatened by these things all covered in light instead of goat cheese.

The Lord: “Why can’t we call it goat-cheese-mas?” I know what he means.

He feels forgotten.

He wants his goat cheese.

The star on the tree scares him; he’d prefer a goat head, and some cheese.

He hates it when I say ‘Merry Christmas’ to him instead of ‘Happy Birthday’.

The Lord: “Why do I only get a stocking?” “How much goat cheese can you get in there?” “Why can’t we just have a whole tree covered in cheese?”

This War on Christmas and the war on the War on Christmas; couldn’t have come sooner for him. How better to distract people from what he has to say, how he wants people to forgive each other and live together in peace than turning his birthday into a war.

The Lord: “Why are you putting me away in the kennel, IT’S MY BIRTHDAY!!”

Tell him to be quiet, put him in his cage, don’t call it his birthday, get angry, be judgmental, go out and spend more than you can afford, but above all, be a dick. It’s what the Lord would want.

And for the sake of all the mean people in the United States, and our economy, call it Christmas.

_Saint Garion Bel

P.S. Gifford

P.S. Gifford is a published horror author of great talent. He started submitting stories around 2005. His short stories are by far some of the best and most entertaining that I have read. Around that time he was invited to write columns which are titled "Paperback Writer."

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