A Boring Part of the Large Piece

Black Stone Cherry—“Black Stone Cherry”

MoTW—“Phantasm II”

I spotted her as I was emptying the trash from the registers. Emptying
trash was the highlight of being a bundler, only surpassed by the daily
walk to the far end of the parking lot in order to collect that one
stray cart.

I was stunned since she was unlike any other girl I had seen. Actually,
she might have been but I really didn’t care about women until I was
introduced to the hookers so something must have connected inside me
since I figured I needed to get a real girlfriend and soon.

A year before I kind of had a girlfriend. This happened at something
called the Youth Concentration Camp, where parents sent their
undesirables to a camp where you got to build stuff and become one with

What they didn’t expect was one of the counselors to hang himself over a
Dear John letter scarring the kids for life, or for someone regarded as
an All American Boy to cheat during a softball game so his team could
beat the counselors.

Anyway, she liked me but I told her friend I didn’t like her which was a
lie, but we hung around together and she kissed me goodbye and I never
saw her again so that makes her kind of a girlfriend, at least in my
pathetic little world.

So with no social skills I went ahead and asked another cashier to ask
her if she wanted to go out with me. She agreed, we went on a double
date to the movies and I was off to the races.

Everything was great. I was drinking Molson’s Golden Ale every weekend,
had a girlfriend, had good friends with good drugs and had a job so
everything was perfect.

Until I was grounded for failing every course that semester, including

This completely freaked me out since I had a date that evening with the
lovely Stephanie. It freaked me out so much that I ran around the
backyard crying and screaming, but it didn’t change my parent’s mind.

To make it even better, I was also told that right after graduation (if
I made it that far) I would have to leave the house.

I wasn’t allowed to use the phone so I couldn’t call Stephanie and tell
her that our date was called off due to outside interference. From what
I understand, she went to our meeting spot and was attacked by a
wandering bull and mauled to death. Then the vultures came down and
feasted on her carcass and what was left was picked apart by a colony of
fire ants and assorted beetles.

This made me sad.

COMING NEXT: This is starting to bore me

Stephen Johnson

The idea of building a website with Bob came from Stephen in the days of message boards and chat rooms. We settled on the name TheWeirdcrap.com and the rest is history. Retired since he hit the ripe age of 25, he spends most his time doing odd-jobs around the house and digging thru trash bins for "stuff that's still good." Stephen has contributed several short stories and hosted the "Lunatic Ravings" column since the beginning (1999). The idea of writing weekly columns came from Stephen before blogs or blog sites ever existed. So, I guess that makes him THE FIRST BLOGGER IN THE WORLD!!!


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