Black Stone Cherry—“Black Stone Cherry”
I spotted her as I was emptying the trash from the registers. Emptying
trash was the highlight of being a bundler, only surpassed by the daily
walk to the far end of the parking lot in order to collect that one
I was stunned since she was unlike any other girl I had seen. Actually,
she might have been but I really didn’t care about women until I was
introduced to the hookers so something must have connected inside me
since I figured I needed to get a real girlfriend and soon.
A year before I kind of had a girlfriend. This happened at something
called the Youth Concentration Camp, where parents sent their
undesirables to a camp where you got to build stuff and become one with
What they didn’t expect was one of the counselors to hang himself over a
Dear John letter scarring the kids for life, or for someone regarded as
an All American Boy to cheat during a softball game so his team could
beat the counselors.
Anyway, she liked me but I told her friend I didn’t like her which was a
lie, but we hung around together and she kissed me goodbye and I never
saw her again so that makes her kind of a girlfriend, at least in my
pathetic little world.
So with no social skills I went ahead and asked another cashier to ask
her if she wanted to go out with me. She agreed, we went on a double
date to the movies and I was off to the races.
Everything was great. I was drinking Molson’s Golden Ale every weekend,
had a girlfriend, had good friends with good drugs and had a job so
everything was perfect.
Until I was grounded for failing every course that semester, including
This completely freaked me out since I had a date that evening with the
lovely Stephanie. It freaked me out so much that I ran around the
backyard crying and screaming, but it didn’t change my parent’s mind.
To make it even better, I was also told that right after graduation (if
I made it that far) I would have to leave the house.
I wasn’t allowed to use the phone so I couldn’t call Stephanie and tell
her that our date was called off due to outside interference. From what
I understand, she went to our meeting spot and was attacked by a
wandering bull and mauled to death. Then the vultures came down and
feasted on her carcass and what was left was picked apart by a colony of
fire ants and assorted beetles.
This made me sad.
COMING NEXT: This is starting to bore me