Script For The Movie!

The script for “ The Movie” has been started! We have finished the first line on the first page and we are amazed at where the story can now go. Still haven’t received word back from Deborah Foreman ( who is great, by the way) but we still have our fingers crossed.

I woke up early on Thursday morning and turned on ESPN2 and caught the last 15 minutes of a fishing show. I watched as a pot-bellied, baseball-cap-wearin’, Budweiser- drinkin’, Skoal-chewin’ asshole giggle as he held a fish weighing thingy with a fish attached to it via a huge hook through its mouth.

So, he weighs the fish as he talks redneck with his other pot belied friends in the boat, then he takes the fish off the hook and puts it back in the water.

What kind of shit is this? Supposedly, the fish feels no pain when it has a hook inbedded in it’s lower jaw. What kind of backwards folk thought this up?

This poor fish had just been swimming around minding its own damn business when it sees a tasty morsel sitting there in the water. So, it tries to eat this morsel only to have a hook impale its lower jaw and then it is drug through the water and then scooped up out of the water. The hook is then removed from Mr. Fish, but a bigger hook is then shoved into its mouth, and fishy can do nothing but slowly die as Mr. Redneck weighs fishy fish.

Suddenly, redneck man rips the hook out of the fishes mouth and throws him back in the water. The fish is now completely fucked up in the head, and it slowly swims away in severe pain. All this happened because it was hungry.

Mr. Tobacco Chewin’ Man claims this is a sport.


What I will do is dangle a can of warm Budweiser and a bowl of stale beernuts in front of your face, and when you grab them, I will shove a 4 foot long hook up your ass and drag you to a weighing maching. I will then rip the hook out and jam a bigger hook up your ass so I can weigh you, then I will rip that hook out and throw you back into one of the aisles of Wal Mart. See how you like it.

There are many organizations for ethical and humane treatment to animals. How come they do not include the fish?

Is it humane how the fish are treated? Is it ethical?


Therefore, this site will now have the tag line “We believe in the humane treatment of fishies.” We will also picket the fishing section of Wal-Mart (since that is where the rednecks go), and our voices shall be heard! If we can spread the word to 2 people, then we have done our job. And if those 2 people tell 2 more people, then a total of 6 people will know (not including us here)! That is very inspiring to us. It is a cause we seriously believe in.

That, and legalized nude dancing nationwide, which we are also working on. Oh yeah, and lower prices on cigarettes, which is a mighty good cause. Fuck those wannabes on, or, whatever it is. Those spokepeople for that site are very annoying. It kinda looks like they all smoke that wacky weed. Well, they all talk like they do and they all have vacant stares.

Just an observation I have made.

No drug induced hospital stays or car accidents for Matthew Perry recently. Maybe he cleaned his act up.


But Darva is still a skanky whore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NEXT UP: I kick the shit out of Bob because he will annoy me this Tuesday!!!

More Lunatic Ravings…

Read a new Lunatic Ravings every Saturday!

Stephen Johnson

The idea of building a website with Bob came from Stephen in the days of message boards and chat rooms. We settled on the name and the rest is history. Retired since he hit the ripe age of 25, he spends most his time doing odd-jobs around the house and digging thru trash bins for "stuff that's still good." Stephen has contributed several short stories and hosted the "Lunatic Ravings" column since the beginning (1999). The idea of writing weekly columns came from Stephen before blogs or blog sites ever existed. So, I guess that makes him THE FIRST BLOGGER IN THE WORLD!!!

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