Those damn bags

Wayne from ___________? Writes:

am i stupid

Bob writes:
First of all I’m not gonna pick on you for omitting punctuation or capitol letters, that would just be too easy. There is but one-way to test your query…

Which reminds me. It all started about two months ago when I received an unexpected phone call from a fine young man representing a prestigious organization.  (Disclaimer:  The following is not me making fun of any one, or any group of folks…the following actually happened and is expressed as I perceived the events unfolding.)

“Hel-doe…” he said with a voice that sounded like his tongue was permanently stuck to the roof of his mouth.

“Yes.” Came my reply.

“I amb calding from ‘handi-capit-ous’, an organ, an organi, an organiz…a company of handbi-caps.”

“Ok.” I replied.

“Yeth. We have berry populous bags of garbage. Many of the buyers, buy them. Well, not bags of garbage bud garbage bags for garbage.”

(The following conversation was with the speech impediment, which made it hard for me to understand what he was saying.  But I will continue without the impediment, so it don’t sound like I’m making fun of him.)

“How much?”

“What size do you want?”

“30 gallon bags.” I answered.

“Well we got two sizes, big and small.”

“I guess I’ll be ordering ‘big’…how much?”

“Well both sizes cost the same.”

“Which is?”

“What, what, do you want?”

“The garbage bags, how much?”

“Oh yeah, they cost the same as the small.”

“Ok, just order me a box.”

“Oooh, oooh, oooh, hold on…” I heard the phone drop and the sound of footprints running off.

Now I hear the sound of footprints coming back, and…”don’t hang up, I need an order form…” Off he runs again.

Several minutes later I had my order good to go.

A month later I get a bill for $40, the cost of twenty garbage bags.

Oh yes, small size. Which is the same cost as the large size.

I call and explain the mistake and they say they’ll send a new box of “large” size bags.

Now it’s a month later and I just received three boxes of garbage bags, one small and two large size boxes. This is way much more trouble than it was worth. The way I see it, I just got stuck for $160 worth of garbage bags…either that or I’m rippin’ off a handicap organization.

Just fed up with the whole thing, I dial the phone in a rage and the first thing I do is start with the whole story.

“Blah, blah, blah…what the hell is wrong with you people!!!” I conclude.

“Well, well, I have serious vision problems, and Jake over there has trouble with his hearing – he’s also in a wheelchair. Sarah has mental limitations, so she don’t fill orders…and on and on the list goes.

Now I feel like a first class jerk, “Never mind,” I say, “I’ll send a check for $160.”

So Wayne, I ended up with $7 worth of garbage bags and I paid $160…it’s for a good cause, so I guess it’s ok.

Now I’m wondering if they sent me a bunch of extra bags and told me I don’t need to pay extra, because they knew I’d go ahead and make the extra donation.  

If that’s the case, I think Wayne’s smarter than he thinks and should be proud.  I love to see a guy “play ‘the man’”. Although, In this case, “the man”  just happened to be me.

COMING NEXT: The Union of the State

Bob Senitram

Webmaster and editor of I obtained a bachelor's degree in micro-biology around the turn of the century but was quickly tracked down and forced to return it to its rightful owner and pay a $25 fine. *** A fan of science fiction, I started this website in 1999 as a portal for science fiction stories that have never been published. *** Completely devoid of talent, I decided to call on the public to supply content. Shortly afterwards Stephen and I started writing weekly columns and have continued to this day.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.


Enjoyed this? Please spread the word :)