The Christmas Conspiracy Theory

Since the holidays are coming, I studied up on this whole Jesus thing and here’s what I came up with.

Jesus was baptized by John the Baptist, a wild-eyed man who lived in the wilderness with a growing religious cult based on basic biblical concepts, as apposed to blindly following a list of rules while ignoring the spirit of their meaning.

I think the more we learn about John the Baptist, the more we learn about Jesus.

So once Jesus was baptized and after John was executed, things really began to happen. He took over the baptism clan, he continued the teaching of concepts instead of rules, and the following grew and grew. Eventually it came to be known as Jesus’ following…but what really happened behind the scenes?

The bible says John was beheaded. The tradition at the time was to have people beheaded from behind. Maybe it was because if someone sees a big axe comin’ toward they head, they’d have a tendency to move. Anyways, then the bible goes to say John’s back met the ground.

If he was hit from behind he would have lunged forward, but then he landed on his back. This means he was thrust forward, and then back.

Forward, then back.

There’s only one explanation.

Outside the prison window, behind a bush (probably in a grassy knoll), was a knife thrower who took a shoot that went past the green, in the window and right into John the Baptist’s chest. The second executer was hired to “make sure” John didn’t get out of that prison alive.

That’s right, it was a conspiracy by the popular Judaism movement. The death of John the Baptist was a religious coup d’etat, with Jesus waiting in the baptism pool.

Savior or cold blooded conspirator? That’s for you to decide.

And now you know.