THE OPRAH, DOUGLAS COUNTY CORRECTIONAL FIASCO Part II

Part II : The experiment

03/19/2006

Dear Bob,I sent this letter to Oprah and hope to be appearing on her show soon! But just in case I’m not invited to tell my fantastic story, I’m sending you a copy to publish so the WHOLE WORLD can hear it!

Part II,
So I went inside, put some clothes on and turned on the TV set. What did I see? It was the Oprah show and she was goin’ on about how she likes to use this special eylash extension thingy. It looked so fancy-smancy, and with the barn dance tonight I just had to try it.

You glue these little eylashes to your regular eyelashes and you got super-model eyelashes, all long and sultrey and what not. I got on the phone and called my friend Carly who works in a lady’s hair spray place. Well it just so happened that they carried the magic eyelash extensions!
She came down after she got off work and came runnin’ down the hall of my apartment yellin’, “Lordy, Lordy, lookie’ heeeeere, I got them extensions!”

We went to work on my eyes right away. Bubba’ from down the ways, was havin’ his anual drunkin’ barn dance, and I wanted to look my best! We was gluein’ and pastin’ and soon I had lashes so long that they tickled my eyebrow’s with each sultrey bat. Tickle, tickle, tickle.

After we was done, I had so much glue spilled on my face and shoulders, I decided to take a shower. Sure, shower day was normally Sunday (as that is the tradition here in Iowa), but tonight was the big dance! Carly got ready by puttin’ on some deoderant and I took to scrubbin’ with soap and water.

I was really surprised to see clumps of eyelash drop down to the shower floor. No problem, we put in plenty. I was more surprised when I looked in the mirror. “CARLY!!!!” I yelled, “WE GOT A PROBLEM!”

What she saw was a horror in human deformities. A big chunk of eyelash extentions had clumped together on the inside part of my left eye. The middle was void of all eyelashes, apparently when the glued eyelashes came out, they pulled the regular ones out. On the far outside of the left eye was another clump. It went like this, clump, blank, clump. The right eye was completely void of eyelashes. Aw heck, here I’ll draw you a picture:

I dropped to the ground and screamed, “WHYYYYYY!!!”

But all was not lost, Carly had a plan. She has keys to the hair spray place. So off we went to get eyelash glue removal potion and fake eyelashes. Since the store was closed we took flashlights and got the goods without knockin’ anything over.

I guess sneakin’ into the hair spray place wasn’t a good idea, since it’s right across the street from the dunkin’ donut shop and a policeman was sure to be there. I guess he got curious when he saw them flashlights in the dark hair spray shop.

COMING NEXT: RUN CARLY, RUN!

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