by Stephen Johnson
MoTW—From Paris, With Love
Ah-ha! I knew it! I FUCKING KNEW IT!
Scam column from Bob, just as I figured. It proves something, I’m just
not sure what. Maybe it just proves I was right which is good enough for
And my breath smells like monkey penis? I think not! Goat penis, maybe.
But monkey penis? No way, no how.
This is kind of fun. That other bullshit of the 2011 roadtrip is over
and now I can write about better stuff. Feels like a weight has been
lifted off my massive, drug-enhanced shoulders.
So what’s been going on you ask? Nothing really except……
About a month ago I was at home in the basement, in yet another drug
induced haze when my cellphone buzzed.
When I answered, it was the woman on the other end and she was freaking
out because she had dropped some packages off at the post office and
when she went back outside a little kitten came up to her.
It was a rainy day and the little critter was soaking wet. She tried to
pick it up but it ran a little ways away and the woman became more
agitated because she thought someone would run over the kitten because
it’s Michigan and most everyone is a shitty driver.
She finally was able to pick up the cat and that’s when she called me
and, on the verge of tears, she asked what she should do.
Now, if you don’t already know, I have a thing for cats. Absolutely love
’em. So I told her to bring it home and I would figure out what to do.
However that wouldn’t work since she wasn’t at our local post office but
at the one near her work which is an hour away.
So I told her to go ahead and leave it in her car, she wold just need to
make sure it had some water and food and a place to go potty. Luckily
there was a Wal Mart nearby so getting the supplies would be no problem.
All during the day either the woman on one of her co-workers would go
outside and check on the cat. He just lay on the passenger side floor,
didn’t do anything except eat and drink and sleep. He didn’t tear up the
car or shit and pee all over everything which was cool.
Anyway, she brought the little guy home and I got to check him out. What
we had was a 3 month old kitten (the woman had went to an animal shelter
during her lunch because she wanted to give hom to them but when she was
holding him, she just couldn’t give him up, but they did check him out
and told her his age), black with little spots of white here and there.
We took him to our vet the next day and other than being undernourished
and with a case of fleas, he was healthy. They rubbed some flea killing
shit on him and that was that.
We now have a new cat. And he’s totally cool.
Now, if I could only find the rat bastard fuck who abandoned a kitten
(now named Po because he was found at a post office) because I want to
dish out some vengeance. Seriously though, what kind of dick would do
something like this?
Well, at least Po now has a good home. That’s all that matters.
Holy shit! Do I actually have feelings?
COMING NEXT: It’s my birthday soon……