It Takes A Thief, the next generation
Dear Bob,I sent this letter to Oprah and hope to be appearing on her show soon! But just in case I’m not invited to tell my fantastic story, I’m sending you a copy to publish so the WHOLE WORLD can hear it!
Just when we had all the beauty supplies which we desired, we heard a rap at the window.
“Say here, say here…” the officer pleaded, “Show yourselves thieves!”
“No, no way. Your gonna step on our heads.” Carly pleaded.
“Come now, no ones stepping on anyones head. Now open the door.”
“You gonna shoot us?” I called out in precaution.
“I don’t even have a gun, I’m just a security officer.”
“Are you a telemarketer?” Carly called.
“Am I talking to you two on a telephone?” the officer replied.
“Uuuummmm? Uuuuuuuummmmmmm?” I stammered.
“I think this is a trick question.” Carly muttered under her breath. “Don’t answer.”
“Uuuuuummmmmmmmmmmmmm?” I continued, “Why don’t you just come in, doors unlocked.”
The officer entered and turned the light on. Carly and I stood still, eyes wide open like deer staring at a headlight. For a moment I hoped if we were perfectly still he wouldn’t notice us. Then we both turned and ran toward the back door.
“Damn!” The officer complained as he started jogging his 175 lb overweight frame toward the two sprinters, “They got away, I really wanted to step on someone’s head.”
We got out the back. “You go north toward the Donut shop and I’ll head south. That way he can’t catch us both. RUN-CARLY, RUN!
I ran and ran, and ran and ran, and ran and ran. Then I ran a little bit more, soon I was across the street and decided to stop and check the distance between me and Johnny-Law. A half second later Carly ran into my back.
“Hey, you were supposed to go north!” I yelled at Carly.
“No way, there are probably more cops at the donut shop!”
“But we got to separate.” I explained.
“No way, all the cops are there…you go north!”
“INTERVENTION!!! I yelled. You see, we had learned from the talk shows that if you declare an “intervention” when things get heated, you can calmly sort things out without fighting. So we both sat down on the curb to discuss the circumstances.
I took a deep breath, “I just think we need to separate, to decrease our chances of getting caught. I wasn’t thinking about the cops at the donut shop.” I explained calmly.
“Well I don’t think it’s fair for me to take the additional chance when it was your eyelashes that got us in this mess.” Carly retorted.
“I just thought that with the cop already at the hairspray shop, there probably wouldn’t be any more, besides it was your idea to sneak in and get the beauty supplies.”
“A-ha! So you did put me in additional risk on purpose, now we know the truth!” she continued.
At that moment the Cop kicked Carly’s shoulder knocking her to the ground and stepped on her head.
“Hey, you said…”
The next thing I remember is being kicked over and seeing the Cops foot coming down toward my head.
Then I woke up here, in the Douglas County Correctional Center for Women. Carly and I continued our intervention meeting here in Jail and after two days of deliberation, we both agreed that I put her at additional risk, and I should have taken the north path.
Thus, I have taken it upon myself to write you this letter.
Please Oprah, if you have a heart, please bail us out. I really do think it’s all your fault. After all, you endorsed these eyelashes.
COMING NEXT: ANOTHER 24 HOURS