Bird Flu Pandemic!

The other day when I was walking the Lord, we came upon a parking lot where a man was hopping from car to car, shitting whole apples. The man’s eyes were wild and rolling around in his head with pain, “Yeeehowww!” he’d say each time. His hair was loosing more of its color with each shit.

Saint Garion: “Holy Crap!”

The Lord: “I wish I could do that!”

Some random chick to Saint Garion: “Hey didn’t you just say he had a nice butt?”

Saint Garion: “Um no.”

Random Chick to the Bird Flu Man: “You should go with that guy over there… ‘cause he isn’t on my car and uh, he said you had a nice butt, no it wasn’t me, oh not again!”

Another apple falls and cracks the windshield. The man cocked his head in a bird like manner and hopped to the next car, edging closer to me, forcing me to ponder escape. Because not even the power of the Lord can hold back the horror of the Bird Flu.

The road between freedom and I from this bizarre scene was perilous. Small grey Toyota trucks were rushing past at an alarming rate. The Lord was already on the other side looking back at me. He didn’t realize that I, like a fool, had not bolted into traffic with him. The leash was broken and I felt more than a little abandoned.

And Saint Garion said unto the Lord: “You asshole! How do I get over to the other side?”

The Lord sits and patiently watches as the Bird Flu guy breaks another windshield with yet another apple. Giving an Elvis grin like no other said unto Saint Garion, “You already are on the other side.”

I need to say something now about what it’s like to have one’s dreams intrude upon reality, or having reality intrude on one’s dreams. It generally sucks to find out that, no the Bird Flu thing, the Jerome thing, and the Republicans winning all power and fucking everything up is really not a nightmare, and that Stephen (Lunatic Ravings) really is an asshole.

Next Week: Attack of the Jerome Clones

Saint Garion

Bel Garion, who also goes by the name Saint Garion started writing columns in our early years and continued to 2006. He often refers to "The Lord" and "Buddah" which are the names of his dogs which speak to him on a regular basis.

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