Adventures in Truck Driving Part III: The Final Insult

No Means, NO!

There were two things I missed the most when I drove over the road every day. First there was beer. No drinking for me when I was driving. You just didn’t get enough time off to recouperate. The second, TV shows (this was the 90s, long before streaming services on a cell phones existed).

So having a rest period close to a city where you could get TV reception was rare. Even more rare was being in a city and having a rest period during prime-time hours.

So here I was, turning into a truck stop outside Kansas at 8:45 pm on a Thursday. Of course as I approached all I could think of is finding a place to park, grabbing my TV, plugging it into my cigarette lighter thing, and stretching those rabbit ears and looking for NBC so I could watch an episode of “Seinfeld” which I hadn’t seen in months.

I make a sandwich and the opening credits begin. This is the first prime-time TV show I’ve seen for months!

Rap-rap-rap. Somebody’s knocking on my cab door, it startles me at first but it’s a lady not someone trying to rob me. I roll down the window.

“Hey you looking forward for some company.” She asks.

“No, I’m looking forward to watching “Seinfeld.”” I reply.

“We can have some laughs together” She suggests.

“No thanks.” I roll up the window. I hear the laugh track, so I know I just missed a joke.

Rap-rap-rap. She knocks again.

Now I’m just getting irritated. “WHAT?”

“You’re pretty good lookin’. I’ll give you a special discount.”

“NO…THANK-YOU!” I roll the window up again.

Rap-rap-rap.

I roll down again.

“Wouldn’t you like a little company?”

“NO. I just want to watch TV and get some sleep!” I hear another laugh track, so I know I’m missing all the good stuff. “Go away.” I insist.

“I can help you get some real nice sleep.”

She’s just not taking the hint. I knew the time of niceties has passed.

I blurt, “Look, your just not that attractive. If I met you in a bar and you offered yourself for free, I would still say no!”

She put her head down and finally left.

I was relieved, I can now watch my show.

I guess that was a pretty mean thing to say, but I was irritated and tired. Still, it made me feel bad to hurt someones feelings like that, but she just wouldn’t take no for an answer.

So, to all the nice young and not-so-young ladies who make a living by entertaining men at truck stops, sometimes no, just means no.


Home At Last:

Like I said before, no drinking on the road. One time, I got to a drop-lot around 9 pm in my hometown. I park, gather up my stuff, buy a box of beer, and head home. It was exciting to get home around 10 pm and not in the middle of the night.

I break open a beer and turn on the TV. Six beers later, around midnight, I realize I hadn’t been home for a month and I should open mail and pay bills.

The basic stuff had piled up, car insurance, electric bill, gas bill and stuff like that. I write a check for the amount due each company and stuff the envelopes.

Two weeks later, I’m lucky enough to get home in the afternoon. I look at the mail and see another electric bill. I’m a little irritated because I know I just paid that bill. I open it up, and they returned my check, with a note that said, “You paid the wrong company.” It was made out to the gas company instead of the electric.

So I call ’em up and pay by phone. Then I call the gas company and pay by phone because they got the electric company check.

You hear “Don’t drink and drive,” all the time, so I don’t. But nobody ever tells you to not drink and pay bills.

Well, now I know!

Those are my truck driving stories, not as interesting on paper as I imagined, but what’s done is done!

And Now You Know Too!

Song in my head:

COMING NEXT: Disaster flirts with Bob, but he don’t know!

More Ask Bob…

Bob Senitram

Webmaster and editor of TheWeirdcrap.com. I obtained a bachelor's degree in micro-biology around the turn of the century but was quickly tracked down and forced to return it to its rightful owner and pay a $25 fine. *** A fan of science fiction, I started this website in 1999 as a portal for science fiction stories that have never been published. *** Completely devoid of talent, I decided to call on the public to supply content. Shortly afterwards Stephen and I started writing weekly columns and have continued to this day.

http://TheWeirdcrap.com

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