My New Friend!

My new anonymous friend writes:
“This is the stupidest site on the web.”

Thanks Buddy! Your feedback is very much appreciated.

Here is a story just for you.

The other day when my wife decided to do the laundry, even though the dryer was not generating very much heat. I was confident that our clothes would get dry but my wife doubted it. “Why can’t we just get a new dryer?” She went on to explain that it was because that would cost money, and I am cheap.

“It’s just that I know better than you do dear. Now give me some quiet while I figure this out.” She continued to whine. I can’t help but have a low opinion of her intelligence when she wines. And you should see her hair. I think she believes that she can get to heaven by making her hair reach up and touch it. “Honey, your hair is beginning to fall.” Off she went to the bathroom, like a bullet.

“Where is your faith dear?” I was speaking more to myself than to her. I enjoy talking to myself, in front of the dryer. “What will I do if this dryer stops working? I imagine that I will have to get rid of it. Of course this means that if there is a demon hiding out in there, that it will be discovered. Poor fellow, but I am sure Hell will welcome it back, their gates are always open.”

I heard a very small and desperate cough. “Looks like its time to go.” I said out-loud to no one in particular. My wife was done doing what ever it is that she does with her hair. I just know it involves hairspray because that’s all I could smell in the car.

We went off to look for Bob and had a great time! It’s amazing to me how few people approach you when you carry yourself like you could begin preaching at any minute. Especially in topless bars! My wife didn’t like looking for Bob, but I made her come along anyway, “This is for Bob honey.” I would say but she always insisted to wait outside while I went in.

Only one of the nudie bars we went to had girls who knew who Bob was, “The Iron Nipple”. The girl I talked to, Cookie, said one of the new bouncers mistook him for a child and kicked the crap out of him for sneaking in. I smiled and asked “Which one?” She pointed to a tallish Spanish fellow who had this nervous look about him. He bolted out the door and would have gotten away but he got caught in my wife’s hair!

I came out of the club to find the bouncer and my wife stuck together, his arm in her hair. My wife looked like she was ready to kill and the bouncer was trying to gnaw off his arm.

My wife got him loose.

He tried to run so, I put my finger in his eye and told him what a nice guy Bob was and explained how he shouldn’t beat up children. My wife started to cry. She had lost a tuft of hair. He apologized and I took out my finger.

When we returned home we found our clothes were dried, folded and put away. Our things for work Monday were laid out. My shoes had fresh powder in them. The bed had been made up. The kitchen was clean and some one even repaired the tear in the couch. My wife was overjoyed but couldn’t figure out what had happened. I went into the bathroom to get the last bits of stray flesh off my hands. We sat down and ate dinner, which had already been prepared and laid out on the table. The dryer was looking at me. We said thanks, enjoyed a good meal, and slept the sleep of the just.

More Psycho Sermons

Saint Garion

Bel Garion, who also goes by the name Saint Garion started writing columns in our early years and continued to 2006. He often refers to "The Lord" and "Buddah" which are the names of his dogs which speak to him on a regular basis.

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