The Arrival of a New Puppy: The Buddha

Few things on this earth are more enjoyable than getting a new puppy dog. But the enjoyment that a new little puppy dog brings can be cut dramatically short when it becomes obvious that there is more than just a small dog’s intelligence behind those big little eyes.

Training a supernaturally intelligent puppy is a challenge. This dog, I believe, was Buddha in a former life. Meaning of course that he fucked up somewhere around the end, or is coming back as a dog a reward for good behavior? Anyway this is basically how things have gone…

The Lord (looking at the new dog, then back at Saint Garion, then back at the new dog, confused but certain.): “Now you’ve done it. They don’t put up with the shit on the floor thing.”

Saint Garion: “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING??!? I am going to shake the fuck out of this can and throw it at you, you fucking little bastard!!!”

The Buddha (sensing that Saint Garion did not want to hurt the cute new puppy): “Better than a thousand hollow words, is err… one word that brings peace?”

And God the Father spoke unto Saint Garion: “Are you going to take that from him? He is a total faker, a false-god!”

The Buddha (sensing an opportunity): “All Spiritual and Religious Paths seek the natural flow of the err… bowels, I mean the universe. My Way is my nature. So when I poo on the floor I am only answering to my nature, which is that of a puppy.”

Saint Garion (Picking up the new puppy and putting its face in the poo): “Look at it!! You fuck!! Can’t you see it! This isn’t formless! With your nose in it, can you not smell it!! It is known by its stench!!! I can pick it up!!! It is not incorporeal!!”

The Buddha (starting to panic, and reconsider the litter box): “But what you are saying is unfathomable, the carpet and the poo, they fuse into one!”

Saint Garion: “Its upper-side is dark. It’s underside dim. Even once removed the un-nameable taint remains.”

Saint Garion: “YOU WILL harness this present reality. And will not poo on this floor again.”

And the Lord said unto the new puppy called Buddha: “To know this way is initiation into the house of Saint Garion Bel. Amen.”

Coming Next: Your child may be an idiot if he golf’s with a chainsaw.

Saint Garion

Bel Garion, who also goes by the name Saint Garion started writing columns in our early years and continued to 2006. He often refers to "The Lord" and "Buddah" which are the names of his dogs which speak to him on a regular basis.

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