And The Lucky Winner Is…

Pretty soon, one lucky winner will be the 10,000th visito, unless we get shut down by Kathie Lee because she is a bitch, or we get shut down by Cody Gifford because, he too, is a bitch.

Anyway, I told Bob that we should reward the 10,000th visitor and give them a prize. Bob, because he is so damn cheap, said “no.”

So I offered Bob a beer. He drank it, of course. I offered him another, which he drank. After I gave him all the beer that I had, I again told him that we should do something special to the 10,000th visitor. Bleary eyed, he asked me what type of gift I was thinking of giving away.

I decided the best gift for anyone is money. So, I told Bob that we could give the lucky visitor a cash prize. Bob sat quietly for awhile and I thought this was good because it seemed like he was seriously thinking about it.

The next day, I realized he had passed out. I gently whacked him on the head with an empty bottle and asked him again about the monetary prize to the lucky visitor. Again Bob said no because we would have no idea who the 10,000th visitor would be.

God, what a prick he can be. I mean, it is like this guy has never heard of the honor system! We all know that if there was a monetary prize for the 10,000th visitor, they would gladly send us an email and tell us that they are the lucky one.

But no. Bob claims that we would get a lot of email from people claiming to be the 10,000th visitor and we would not know who the real person was. To me, that is just Bob being a real shit.

This just proves my point that Bob is a cheap bastard. Go ahead and email him and thank him for taking away the chance for you to possibly be that lucky winner.

I understand your pain. I asked him for a raise and he took away my microwave privileges at work. He claims it could affect my pacemaker. To me, it sounds like an excuse from a cheap prick.

I am very sorry about the way that Bob has treated you. I think he ranks up there with Darva Conger in the shit-of-the-year club. Actually, she has him beat because she is also a smelly whore (so I have been told) and Bob does smell quite pleasant (so I have been told).

Again I am sorry. And please remember that if Bob isn’t here for you, you can be damn sure that I will be.

One last thing–I have always wanted to say this: YOUR CAT IS RETARDED.

Thank you!

Stephen Johnson

The idea of building a website with Bob came from Stephen in the days of message boards and chat rooms. We settled on the name and the rest is history. Retired since he hit the ripe age of 25, he spends most his time doing odd-jobs around the house and digging thru trash bins for "stuff that's still good." Stephen has contributed several short stories and hosted the "Lunatic Ravings" column since the beginning (1999). The idea of writing weekly columns came from Stephen before blogs or blog sites ever existed. So, I guess that makes him THE FIRST BLOGGER IN THE WORLD!!!

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