The REAL Story of That Trip: Part Two

Dave Davies—Fractured Mindz

MoTW—The Last Man on Earth

"Breaker. Breaker. Breaker. Breaker. BREAker. BreaKER.

"What the fuck do you want?!"

"This here's Ducky Rubber, got four on the floor and am coming to you on
the down low. 10-4 good buddy."

For a couple hours, this was the shit coming over the CB every few
minutes. What it meant, I had no idea, but it makes for a compelling

"Okay Ducky."

"Got some smokies heating up in the back, should be good and ready in a

Alarm bells suddenly went off in my head, almost drowned out by the
powerful purr of the massive engine described, in detail, in Part One.

"Cops? You have cops following you?"

No. Smokies. S-m-o-k-i-e-s. Those tasty little beefy hot dog-looking
things. Not Smokeys. Smokies."

This intelligent conversation was abruptly stopped when I saw a rather
large shadow appear on the road in front of me. I slowed down when the
shadow kept growing and then came to a complete stop when the shadow
turned into a one man flying machine landing not so gently in the middle
of the road.

I jumped out of the car and ran up to the machine. A dust covered man
was struggling to get out of the seat but was having no luck considering
the harness holding him in.

After a couple minutes he stopped struggling and pulled down his

"I've seen them. I can take you there," he said in an Australian accent.

Scared of the accent because I didn't know if somehow I managed to cross
a country and large body of water without actually realizing it, I could
only stand there silently as a dog wearing a bandana around its neck
appeared from nowhere and attacked the man in the flying machine.

After a few well placed nips, the dog got bored with the man and hopped
into a passing white Sebring convertible where it proceeded to latch
onto the bleach blonde's throat with it's powerful jaws, cutting off her
cellphone conversation just….. like….that.

And then….BOOM….the car exploded. Probably bvecause it ran into the
gas pumps at the nearby convenience store, or something like that.

Obviously not paying attention to the huge balls of flames, Sebring
parts, bleach blonde parts and a scruffy little bandana wearing dog with
a neck still locked in its jaws, all of them floating through the air,
the man continued prattling on.

"It goes on all night. All the time. Ka-chunk, ka-chunk, ka-chunk…..I
can take you there."

"WHAT goes on all night?"

"The pumps. Ka-chunk, ka-chunk, ka-chunk….."

I flipped him off, climbed back into the car and continued on my

"Breaker, breaker. Smokies have heated up, they're good and ready."

"Great. Glad to hear it. Have a nice lunch or whatever the fuck it is."

"Oops, 20-4 good buddy made a mistake there. Meant to say 'smokeys' not
'smokies'. My bad."

"Right. 'Smokeys', 'smokies'. Whatever."

"44-4 good buddy. Smokeys. SMOKEYS. You get it?"


"Smokies. Shit, did it again! Smokeys."


"7564-40. You got that right."

A new voice thankfully cut into the conversation.

"Good morning gentlemen!"



"I heard there's a couple boys driving real fast on my here highways!
Can't have that or my name ain't Sheriff Wurrell T. Wurtzell I tell you

"So is your name Wurell T. Wurtzell or what?"


"Oh, it is. And you boys are in a heap of trouble!"



"Aren't you the boys driving real fast on my here highways?"

"Are you in Australia?"


"No, I'm in (state, city, town, zone, municipality, zip code, etc.
witheld due to some law or protection or something)."

"Oh, it's all good then. We're in Australia."


"Oh. Sorry. Another shrimp on the barbie then. Ciao!"

Close one.

"Close one, Ducky Rubber."

"Are we really in Australia?"

"Well, I thought so for a minute and then I saw a Sebring convertible
and…..well, it doesn't matter. We're not."

"But he's still behind me…..oh wait, he turned off. Could he be that

COMING NEXT: Could he be that stupid?

Stephen Johnson

The idea of building a website with Bob came from Stephen in the days of message boards and chat rooms. We settled on the name and the rest is history. Retired since he hit the ripe age of 25, he spends most his time doing odd-jobs around the house and digging thru trash bins for "stuff that's still good." Stephen has contributed several short stories and hosted the "Lunatic Ravings" column since the beginning (1999). The idea of writing weekly columns came from Stephen before blogs or blog sites ever existed. So, I guess that makes him THE FIRST BLOGGER IN THE WORLD!!!

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