Yippee! It’s Votin’ Time!

The Who—“Endless Wire”

MoTW—“Borat”

Thought I had rid myself of the spam problem from a while ago, but it’s
come back with a vengeance.

Now I get about 400 spam email a day. Some of them are pretty
interesting, like the one I received about “67% of their members”
getting laid. Pretty interesting stuff, so I went ahead and checked it
out since a 67% success rate is pretty darn good.

But further down, I received an email stating that “73% of the members”
get laid. According to my math skills, 73 is more than 63 making 73%
more than 67%, unless there’s some equation I’m leaving out, something
to do with trigonometric algorithms perhaps? No matter, I’ll go with my
old-fashioned math and pick 73% over 67% any day.

Well, unless it’s something like burned parts of my body. I will assume
that 67% of my body burnt would hurt 6% less than 67%, so in that case
I’ll have to take the 67%.

I guess if I had someone tell me that I had a 73% chance of dying within
the next week and then someone else told me it was a 67% chance of
dying, I would probably have to go with the 67%. That would give me 6%
leeway, so I could fuck around for that 6% instead of getting all
spastic if I didn’t have that 6% buffer.

Therefore, I would pick the 73% MOST of the time. Getting laid through
the internet would be a 73% pick, so I went ahead and opened the email.
Nothing special really, just stating that, yep, 73% of their members got
laid.

Since it was frill-less, I decided to check on the 67% email. And,
shockingly, it was basically the same as the 73% email, with only one
difference: %.

So I visited the links on both emails and found something shocking. THEY
WERE FOR THE SAME SITE! I know! Shocking!

Now it was my duty to get to the bottom of the % mess. I fired off an
email to the site explaining that I was a bit confused because I didn’t
know if I could rely on 67% or 73% and that I would greatly prefer the
73% but wouldn’t be too angry at getting the 67%, but could they please,
please, please give me the correct %?

Still haven’t heard back and it’s been about a week. So, I first had a
73% of getting some internet sex, but it could have quite possibly been
only 67%, yet now it’s dropped considerably and it’s somewhere at 6-7%.
What a bummer.

Oh well. Remember to vote this Tuesday (if you’re in the states). Your
vote can “make a difference”. But what would make a real difference is
if nobody votes. What happens then? If I remember my government
teachings correctly, that means that everyone that didn’t run gets to
become governor/senator/representative/etc. for a couple minutes on a
specific day, done alphabetically by last name.

Of course that won’t happen since there’s always some old patriotic fuck
out there that has to ruin everyone’s fun.

COMING NEXT: Must kill Ebay

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