Yippee! It’s Votin’ Time!

The Who—“Endless Wire”


Thought I had rid myself of the spam problem from a while ago, but it’s
come back with a vengeance.

Now I get about 400 spam email a day. Some of them are pretty
interesting, like the one I received about “67% of their members”
getting laid. Pretty interesting stuff, so I went ahead and checked it
out since a 67% success rate is pretty darn good.

But further down, I received an email stating that “73% of the members”
get laid. According to my math skills, 73 is more than 63 making 73%
more than 67%, unless there’s some equation I’m leaving out, something
to do with trigonometric algorithms perhaps? No matter, I’ll go with my
old-fashioned math and pick 73% over 67% any day.

Well, unless it’s something like burned parts of my body. I will assume
that 67% of my body burnt would hurt 6% less than 67%, so in that case
I’ll have to take the 67%.

I guess if I had someone tell me that I had a 73% chance of dying within
the next week and then someone else told me it was a 67% chance of
dying, I would probably have to go with the 67%. That would give me 6%
leeway, so I could fuck around for that 6% instead of getting all
spastic if I didn’t have that 6% buffer.

Therefore, I would pick the 73% MOST of the time. Getting laid through
the internet would be a 73% pick, so I went ahead and opened the email.
Nothing special really, just stating that, yep, 73% of their members got

Since it was frill-less, I decided to check on the 67% email. And,
shockingly, it was basically the same as the 73% email, with only one
difference: %.

So I visited the links on both emails and found something shocking. THEY
WERE FOR THE SAME SITE! I know! Shocking!

Now it was my duty to get to the bottom of the % mess. I fired off an
email to the site explaining that I was a bit confused because I didn’t
know if I could rely on 67% or 73% and that I would greatly prefer the
73% but wouldn’t be too angry at getting the 67%, but could they please,
please, please give me the correct %?

Still haven’t heard back and it’s been about a week. So, I first had a
73% of getting some internet sex, but it could have quite possibly been
only 67%, yet now it’s dropped considerably and it’s somewhere at 6-7%.
What a bummer.

Oh well. Remember to vote this Tuesday (if you’re in the states). Your
vote can “make a difference”. But what would make a real difference is
if nobody votes. What happens then? If I remember my government
teachings correctly, that means that everyone that didn’t run gets to
become governor/senator/representative/etc. for a couple minutes on a
specific day, done alphabetically by last name.

Of course that won’t happen since there’s always some old patriotic fuck
out there that has to ruin everyone’s fun.

COMING NEXT: Must kill Ebay

Stephen Johnson

The idea of building a website with Bob came from Stephen in the days of message boards and chat rooms. We settled on the name TheWeirdcrap.com and the rest is history. Retired since he hit the ripe age of 25, he spends most his time doing odd-jobs around the house and digging thru trash bins for "stuff that's still good." Stephen has contributed several short stories and hosted the "Lunatic Ravings" column since the beginning (1999). The idea of writing weekly columns came from Stephen before blogs or blog sites ever existed. So, I guess that makes him THE FIRST BLOGGER IN THE WORLD!!!


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