I Do A Good Deed!

Lunatic Ravings!
by Stephen Johnson

Firewind—Few Against Many

MoTW—Piranha 3DD

Well, my “fact finding” mission Texas is over.

For those wondering what I’m talking about, it’s all about Bob and

having him legally put to death like one of those mean-assed criminals.

My thought was simple: I would go to Texas since they like killing

convicts and find out how I could get Bob wrongfully convicted of some

heinous crime that the only choice would be to put him to death.

For those not following my posts, it’s not like I want Bob to die. Not

at all. He owes me $3 and I want my fucking money. It’s just that he was

a guinea pig for some new show and seemed that he really, really, REALLY

want to experience that capital punishment thing.

Of course I’m only here to help and I got myself a plane ticket to

Austin so I could get the info needed for Bob so he could finally

realize what I think is his new life’s quest.

I last flew a couple years ago and haven’t been keeping up on airport

rules, so I was mighty displeased when I failed to pass the scanner test

and they had to wave their magic wand around my body.

So, remember to put your lighter in the tray along with your cellphone

and don’t forget to put that wad of cash in your wallet since that

scanning machine likes none of those things. Just sayin’.

The flight was uneventful. I didn’t talk to my seatmate because he

looked like a dick. Instead I bused myself by reading the Skymall

magazine (lots of good shit in there!) and then, when I was allowed to,

watched “Seinfeld” on my portable dvd player until that was no longer

allowed.

The hotel was fine, except it was a Hilton. That kind of sucked but it

was located very close to the airport which was good if I wanted to make

a quick getaway.

Another tip: If you’re not handicapped or handicapable, don’t get a

handicapped room. The shower sucks since it’s the same lever as the rest

of the bathroom, plus there’s a bench that takes up quite a lot of space

in the shower which sucks if you want to violently pleasure yourself.

Again, just sayin’.

The next few days I wandered around and asked folks how Bob could

realize his newest life’s ambition and found out it was quite easy.

Basically he would need to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, look

guilty, get a shitty lawyer (or represent himself), be very drunk during

the trial and voila! To death row he would go!

As an added bonus, since he’s short and doesn’t look American, that’s

two additional points against (or for) him.

And that was that. You’re welcome, Bob! Now go and get that quest over

and done with!

COMING NEXT: I…uh.

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