I am very upset with Bob!! He claims that I said that he owes me money for performing sexual favors on him during our Christmas party last year.
This is not true!!! It’s true I was in the bathroom with a couple of men, but I was only doing my job!!! I did not request payment of any sort from any of the gentlemen, especially Bob who does not have a dime to spare!!!
Maybe I did do something with Bob that night, but I have not asked him for money. That is disgusting!!!! It’s also illegal for me to ask for money, and I don’t appreciate Bob trying to get me in trouble with the law. Shame on you Bob!!!
Someone wrote in wondering what the cheese tasted like that I had to shove up Ralph’s butt to get rid of his tapeworm. Do you mean before or after? It was cheddar cheese if that’s any help to you.
I was going to post some pictures of me oil wrestling, but we had a small problem.
The owner of the bar where I work decided that oil wrestling would bring in bigger crowds. I thought that would be great because the bigger the crowd, the bigger the tips.
I was scheduled to wrestle the third match that night against that bitch Deeanna. The crowd was really into the previous matches so I felt pretty good.
We started wrestling and I was beating the crap out of Deeanna when a patron flicked a lit cigarette butt into the ring full of oil. Then the oil caught fire! I hopped out of the ring and watched as the heat melted Deanna’s costume to her body!!!
I started freaking out!! Someone told me my hair was on fire and I ran to the dressing room. When I looked in the mirror I saw that my hair was indeed on fire!!!
I grabbed the first bottle I saw and started to squirt it on the flames hoping they would go out.
I never knew hairspray was so flammable. With every squirt from the bottle, the flames would grow larger!! I finally got my act together and ran to the toilet and dunked my head in.
When the fire was out, I pulled my head out of the toilet and went back to the mirror. To my horror I saw that all my hair had been burned off except for some small tufts here and there.
I stayed in the dressing room for the rest of the night with a towel around my head. I felt a little sorry for Deeanna because she had to peel off her costume with tweezers and I know she had to have lost quite a bit of skin.
I waited until all the customers left and then I ran home. When Ralph saw me he became very excited and wanted to have sex immediately because he thought it would be neat to try it with a bald woman. Now you know why I love him so much!!!
NEXT WEEK: Scrumptious pastries!!!!
A new Ask Bob column every Friday!