The vomiting poo question was sent a few weeks ago, and now 3 weeks later I still haven’t answered!
So if we get a few more folks Asking Bob a question, I won’t have to milk one question for 3 weeks. But then again, I ramble, so maybe nothing will change if I get more questions…
The only way I could think of testing this idea, is to actually do it. Stephen mentioned that he saw on a label of Drano that it will make you vomit. I called Jerome and he came over with Stephen to test our idea.
Once Stephen got to my place, he mentioned that he invited “Sally, the throw up girl” to the house. He figured if beer made her throw up, maybe if we gave her hard liquor, she would throw up even more and we would check to see if she threw up her own poo. I discarded the idea and locked the front door so Sally couldn’t get in.
Stephen was on his fourth beer when he started looking for other things to induce vomiting. He gathered up Drano, Comet, Bleach (you know to ward off Coronovirus), toothpaste, Colgate Shaving Creame, rubbing alchohol, nail polish remover, and a box of Always Ultra – Multipax.
We lined everything on the kitchen table with a nice extra-large sized salted nut roll to top it off. Soon Jerome was taking a mouthful of each, chasing it with a beer after each mouthful of poison. When Jerome had his fill, we sat back and waited for science to happen.
That’s when I heard a voice from behind, “JEROME! THESE IDIOTS DIDN’T MAKE YOU EAT ALL THIS SHIT DID THEY?”
I turned, “Sally! Wwwwwhhhhhaaaat are you doing here?”
“She came in through the bathroom window.” Stephen replied.
“We didn’t ‘make’ Jerome eat anything.” I answered Sally.
She lifted the limp Jerome by the shoulders and they headed toward the bathroom, “You got to puke as much of this out of you as you can, then we’re going to the hospital!”
“No need. This stuff makes you throw up…we’re on auto-pilot.” I replied as I leaned back in my chair.
Sally dropped Jerome on the floor and swiftly came to the table and grabbed the bottle of Drano, “Look, this says if you eat it…induce vomiting. It doesn’t say it will make you vomit.” She shoved the bottle in my hand and got back to Jerome.
“She’s funner when she’s drunk.” I mentioned to Stephen, who was now on his ninth beer.
“Miss goody-two-shoes, if you ask me. Protected by a silver spoon…” Stephen fumbled with words in his drunken stupor.
So I read the label.
Sure enough, she was right. “Stephen, you said this makes you vomit!”
“Huh, there was one?” Stephen replied. He was on his tenth beer.
I went to the bathroom to join Sally. “What do we do, then?”
“Call an ambulance, he might die with all this shit in him!”
I figure Sally was probably right because she’s a girl and she go those motherin’ instincts built right in. I didn’t want Jerome to get kilt, so I called the ambulance.
Just then Jerome came stumbling out of the bathroom and falls flat on his face. Me and Stephen just sat there and watched him wiggle and bounce about. We all had a good laugh, because it looked really funny. Then he vomited right there on the floor.
“Look, its working…” Stephen pointed to the puke.
The ambulance arrived and picked up Jerome. Sally went to the hospital to comfort Jerome once he recovered.
Stephen and I stayed home because we still had some beer in the fridge and we didn’t want it to go to waste.
So we never really found the answer to your question, but we all had a lot of fun just the same.
Except Jerome, he had to have his stomach pumped and the Drano made most his teeth rott and they had to be pulled. But he survived to live another day so I guess it’s all good.
AND NOW YOU KNOW!
Song in my head:
COMING NEXT: A very special column by Melissa Paternick!