Star Bars Part III: Return of the Jo-Jo

In case you missed it, this is part III of the Star Bars story.”

Synopsis: Previously, in Star Bars, Lucky meets up with Obla-doo and finds out his droid has a message from Princess Yoly, explaining “The shit has hit the fan.” So, they seek out someone to pilot a ship, yes, a spaceship.

Meanwhile on the Death Bar…

“Tell us the location of the rebel base!” Darth Garth yells at Princess Yoly who is handcuffed, and watching a viewscreen of a peaceful planet called Plast.

“Go screw yourself, Garth!” She says as she spits in his general direction.

“If you don’t tell us what we want, we’ll aim the Death Bar at this planet and neutrilize all the alchohol in the entire planet! It will have nothing but kegs of water when we’re through with them.” Darth says while giving a fake maniacal laugh…then he chokes a bit and starts coughing.

“But this planet is full of alcoholics! You can’t…countless will die from alcohol withdrawals!”

“That’s your problem, my little lady…aim the laser!”

“No, wait! I’ll tell you…the Jo-Jo Rebels are at…are at…Alderrun.” She puts her head down.

“Proceed with the test!”

“Noooooooooo!” Yoly yells and struggles to break free. “You’re a dirty rotten liar…and you smell funny.”

The death ray hits the planet and apparently nothing happens. But on the planet below…chaos breaks loose as all the alcohol turns to water.

“Take her away!” Garth yells.

Meanwhile, Lucky and Obla secured a ship…yes, a spaceship, from a guy named Dan, just Dan.

“So why Plast?” Dan asks.

“That’s where the Princess Yolanda lives.” Obla replies.

“But she’s kidnapped! Why are we going there?” Lucky joins in.

“Because Darth Garth is your father, and that means he’s a damn fool. He’s not smart enough to go somewhere where no one would find him. That’s what a smart person…or machine, would do.”

“Almost there…” Dan adds.

“Ok, go to the side opposite the big disc thing, there’s a big red button that says no explosives. We hit that and the whole thing goes up in smoke…”

“But we have to rescue the Princess!!!” Lucky shouts.

“We ain’t saving a god-damn thing, that bitch is goin’ down with the ship.”


Dan shoots a missile at the big red button and the Death Bar explodes.

“Princess Yolanda is your sister you know.” Obla adds.

“Whaa…?” Lucky says as the screen credits roll, and the film ends.


Song in my head:

COMING NEXT: OUT TAKES OF THIS AMAZING FILM IDEA! Naw, not really, it’s just not worth it.

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Bob Senitram

Webmaster and editor of I obtained a bachelor's degree in micro-biology around the turn of the century but was quickly tracked down and forced to return it to its rightful owner and pay a $25 fine. *** A fan of science fiction, I started this website in 1999 as a portal for science fiction stories that have never been published. *** Completely devoid of talent, I decided to call on the public to supply content. Shortly afterwards Stephen and I started writing weekly columns and have continued to this day.

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