Parenting is hard work, there’s planes to catch and bills to pay and you still have to find time to learn those kids!
So, for all you new parents, I wrote some nice short stories that you can tell your children.
They’ll be entertained and grow to be wise and street smart.
Franky, The Boy Who Wouldn’t Eat his Veggies.
There once was a boy named Franky, who refused to eat his veggies.
Mom and Dad said, “Eat your veggies! They have vitamins and they’re good for your digestive system.”
But Franky wouldn’t eat his veggies, he simply said, “Bleh.”
“Will you eat them with melted butter?” His Mom asked.
“Bleh.”
Will you eat them with a little sugar?” Dad begged.
“Bleh, bleh.”
“If you eat your veggies, we’ll let you fold the folding chair!”
“Bleh.”
Poor malnourished Franky, died of colon cancer.
John the Bigot
There was once a bad boy named John, who’s bigoted slurs ran on and on.
His insults flowed like water.
Then he got the crap beat out of him by some Muslim Black Panthers.
But that didn’t stop John, oh no. He kept on and on.
He insulted police officers who pulled him over for speeding.
Then they pulled him out of his car and beat him to death.
Finally, John learned his lesson.
Slutty Susan
Once there was a girl named Susan, who wasn’t particular about her romance.
Guzzling’ booze and going home with someone different every night.
“Susan, you should be more particular!” Her mother told her.
But that didn’t slow down Susan.
She kept on and on.
“If only Susan was more particular.” her mother said at her funeral.
Susan contracted aids.
The treatments didn’t work for poor Susan.
The Lonely Angel Child
The once was a lonely angel child who was sad and alone up in the clouds.
“I wish there were kids up here that I could play hid ‘n seek with.” she said to herself as she kicked a cloud.
She lay down on a cloud and watched children play below.
“I can help you.” A strange man said.
“Who are you?” she asked.
“I am but a stranger who grants wishes.”
“I’m told not to trust strangers, especially ones with horns.” she returned.
“But I only want to grant your wishes.”
“How?”
“Follow me and I will take you to a place with more children.” he gently replied.
“Ok, I’m in!” She excitedly responded.
She followed him right to the depths of hell where she met other children and had a wonderful time.
The other children faded away and the ground beneath her gave way as she fell to the firey pits of hell.
She spent an eternity suffering in the pits of dispare.
Oh, No You Didn’t!
Once there was prostitute named Betty who was very popular.
One day a customer decided he wouldn’t pay.
“Woman!” he said, while slapping her head. “I am Joe-blow the lova-man! You should be payin’ me!”
She gave him a High-Karate kick to the knee and a judo-chop on the head.
But that didn’t stop Joe. He came after her again!
So she gave him the five point heart blow of death.
Moments later Joe-blow fell to the ground.
Joe Blow was dead.
Dolemite, her pimp, said, “I’m proud you didn’t let that man punk you that way.
Girl…you are all right!”
She was indeed all right in Dolemites eyes.
But not in the eyes of the law.
The police caught up with Betty and she got life for murder.
The Nice Man
There once was a nice man from Nantucket.
Who smiled as he sat on that bucket.
Then he got shot by the Minneapolis Pooooo-liece.
And now you know!
Song in my head:
