The world according to Garp…

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A new Ask Bob column every Friday!

Rather than sharing an interesting or even a moderately interesting story, I’m gonna give you my take on the world.

Let’s start with Russia.

Putin wants to take control of Ukraine. I say go ahead and let him have it. Since sanctions started, the rubel is half the value of what it was. Now Saudi Arabia is deliberately driving oil prices down, and the country’s most reliable source of income is cut in about a third. Now they want to take on a bankrupt country, I say go for it! Let’s see how popular Putin is once Russia is in financial ruins. Chances are Ukraine will be independent of Russia within time, ‘cause they’ll drop it like it’s hot, once the dead weight is gone.

It’s like a self-cleaning oven!

Speaking of knuckle-heads, Kim Jong-un tries to stop the public from seeing “The Interview”, but all the attention it got from the hacking-drama ended up boosting sales and revenue. Sony made 15 million dollars in just a couple of days…Gee thanks Kim!

It all goes to show, you can’t cure stupid.

He recently called Obama a “black monkey,” ‘cause he don’t like black people. Or maybe it’s because he don’t like monkeys…not too sure about that one?

Come to think of it, he don’t like white folks either. Oh yes, he also doesn’t like Hispanics, Asians, or Koreans. I guess when it comes right down to it he don’t like nobody, not even his own family. Anyone who executes his uncle by having him eaten alive by starving dogs, pretty much hates anyone who has two legs…or is skinny. Why North Korea’s military allows itself to be ruled by someone like this, is beyond me.

Personally, I’d rather be a black monkey than an insane, mentally handicapped, tele-tubbie. I’m not saying Kim Jong-un is insane, or mentally handicapped, or a tele-tubbie, despite his remarkable similarities. I’m just saying, given the choice, I would rather be the black monkey.

Here’s my prediction for Kim in 2015. He’ll become disgruntled over China’s Saturday morning cartoon line-up and declare war on his neighbors. China will wipe them out in seven days. Kim will be wiped from the pages of history and no one will ever speak his name again.

No human is named “Kim” until the year 2075, because by then, no one will remember why they stopped using the name in the first place. By coincidence only bullum-headed-schizophrenic children are named “Kim’.

Before I get on a high horse on how much better we are than other counties, I should mention that my hometown state has had the same Governor for the last 10 years, who has literally never accomplished anything. But we keep on electing him.

A few years ago the local paper reported that Heineman denied a request to increase our prison size, because they were running far over capacity. He favored “The No Revenue” option. This was a plan to let criminals out of prison early to reduce over-crowding. Now they have at least two homicides a day in Omaha. And last year they let a mass-murderer loose who told prison officials if they let him out, he was gonna go out and kill people.

Which is exactly what he did.

Now the Governor says, he didn’t really know what the “No Revenue” option was, he just said it because it sounded good and other folks are responsible for letting folks out of prison early.

The sad part is, I believe him. I really think he is that stupid.

If he does face the courts regarding this manner, I think his only defense is too take an IQ test to prove that his intelligence is so low, that it wouldn’t be possible for him to link the pieces of the puzzle together.

Let’s give another example. As governor Heineman slashed funding to UNO by $24.2 million in 2007 and 3.33 million in 2008. The mere mention of his name created the same reaction as smelling milk that gone bad out of the jug.

The job of chancellor becomes open and Heineman makes the grand announcement that he will take the job if it is offered to him. He was absolutely clueless that he was not liked by UNO alumni. According to his rhetoric back in the day, he was increasing funding by one million dollars, which just wasn’t true. But I think he believed it, because that’s what he was told.

Like the prison scandal, it was just too far beyond his comprehension.

So you have it. Russia, North Korea, you’re not alone. All over the world, there are areas that are being run by complete idiots. I don’t mean this in the Republican; anyone who disagrees or does something I don’t like is an idiot sort of way, I mean they are actually idiots with super-low IQ’s (I have to admit that in Putin’s case, it may be dementia and NOT a low IQ issue).

At any rate, I’m going to keep on studying the actions of my public officials and voting accordingly.

And now you know.

Coming Next: What makes ISIS so popular in the Middle East?

Bob Senitram

Webmaster and editor of I obtained a bachelor's degree in micro-biology around the turn of the century but was quickly tracked down and forced to return it to its rightful owner and pay a $25 fine. *** A fan of science fiction, I started this website in 1999 as a portal for science fiction stories that have never been published. *** Completely devoid of talent, I decided to call on the public to supply content. Shortly afterwards Stephen and I started writing weekly columns and have continued to this day.

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