Diary of an Asshole

5/23/24

Dear Diary,

I don’t know what that life-support system of mine has been putting into itself lately, but judging by my breath the past two days I can only assume the worst. At this rate the damn thing’s going to get colon cancer by the time we’re 40, and then we’ll both be in trouble.

But today I enacted a little revenge.

I waited until it was on a big date with a female life-support system, and at an opportune moment I exhaled a fiery blast of noxious hellfire that I had been especially saving up for just such an occasion. The stupid thing didn’t know what hit it. I only wish I could have seen the look on its face as it drove us home alone. Of course this hurts our chances for reproduction but it was well worth the risk. I had to teach that thing a lesson.

Sometimes it’s not easy being an asshole.

More Spamrider Columns

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Spamrider

Spamrider of the Apocalypse is just some crazy dude who contacted us out of the blue one day claiming to be a time traveler who had discovered that he had already been publishing information on our website for years while he was visiting the future.  Neither me or Steve had ever heard of him before so we don’t know if he’s ACTUALLY crazy or what, but he’s definitely weird, and is probably full of crap, so we both just looked at each other, shrugged are shoulders, and pretty much just went with it.

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