Prior to the reboot of the website, I haven’t recieved a single question for the Ask Bob column since 2010. Now I have two!
Sara writes: Is it true you’re the mastermind of the Anti-Vax cult that claims the Covid shot turns people into monkeys? PS -I read the blog post so don’t lie!
Sooooooooo, I cannot lie. Ever since I was a youth, and I got caught stealing, I get hives everytime I tell a lie. So I have to come clean. The answer is…yes and no.
Recently facebook suspended thousands of accounts because they were spreading the anit-vax rumor that the AstraZenica Covid-19 vaccine turns people into monkeys.
Apparently, the idea was lifted from the column I wrote a few months back (To V or not to V). As a result, I am the cult leader of the latest miss-information nonsense.
Now I have to set the record straight.
Russia got ahold of this idea and changed it too “the Vaccine turns you into monkeys”. Which I think is just plain stupid…because it’s APES.
APES, APES, APES. NOT MONKEYS…APES! It has to be apes that take over the world, not monkeys.
Monkeys, that’s ridiculous.
So I have to formally step down as Russia’s anti-vax cult leader. This shouldn’t be a problem, since Putin never lets any harm come to folks that don’t support his efforts.
My story suggested that if too many folks don’t take the vaccine then the population would thin out and we would end up having to train apes (not monkeys) to do manal labor. To achive this, the government would experiment on apes to make them smarter. Those apes would eventually get smarter than us and take over the world, just like Planet of the Apes.
A reasonable proposition.
On the other hand, if everyone does get vaccinated, and then, it mutates people, and makes folks sterile (which it won’t, but there’s still a 99.99999999999999999999999999999% that it might, then humans would all die off and apes would take over the world.
That’s apes, not monkeys.
In the meantime, TheWeirdcrap.com was hit by thousands upon thousands of attempts to log in as the administrator and hijack the site. Our web host mentioned that an attack of this magnitude seemed highyly unusual since we only have like 10 page views per day. I had to step in and put and end to it.
I’m quite sure Russia wanted to take over our little spot on the web and make it the official Russian anti-vax site, but I stopped them with good ol’ American know-how! Just like when Rocky beat Drago in Rocky IV. Only my left hook was an unhackable firewall.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Facebook wouldn’t let me set up an official TheWeirdcrap.com page, because they didn’t believe I was the REAL Bob Senitram. You know, the one that’s been blogging since 2000 (Stephen too). Anyways, they requested photos of my privates, a urine sample, and my mother’s maiden name to prove that I was me.
They also asked for a letter of recommendation from Larry Page, one of the founders of Google. They said, because TheWeirdcrap.com was one of the first websites to host the google search engine, then he should remember me. I was surprised that they ever heard of Google.com. I did my usual Bing search, and found Google.com is still up and running!
So I sent this letter to his old address:
Hey Larry, it’s me Bob Senitram!
I know I’ve ignored you since the tremendous success of TheWeirdcrap.com, but I wanted to let you know that I still think about the little guys who helped get me started. Thanks for listing TheWeirdcrap.com on your site when yahoo wouldn’t.
I writing because facebook wants a picture of us together as verification that I am the real Bob Senitram.
Remember, in band camp. When Stephen took that polaroid of me holding back the hair of “Sally the throw-up girl” while she threw up?
Then he gave that picture to you because you were standing in the background, laughing.
Could you send me a copy, with a brief note saying that I’m me?
P.S. Don’t give up on your website, I’m sure it’ll catch on someday, just like TheWeirdcrap.com or Bing!
That letter got returned by the post office.
Hard times must have hit Larry and his little website office in his garage. This worries me, I hope he wasn’t forced out of his home for late rent or something.
Maybe he could sell his google.com and get a little cash to pay off some bills…wherever he may be.
Hey Larry, if you still read my blog, then this is a shout-out (that’s what the kids say now-a-days): If you need a little cash you can always give me a call.
AND NOW YOU KNOW!
And now, the song in my head. Remember, the opening scene of Farris Beullers day off? Well this is not that. But the guys who made that “Ooooh, yea” song are still at it!
Coming Next: There’s been so much hype about my climate changing blog…now I’m afraid to post it in fear you will be disappointed!