Before I get into the true meaning of Independence Day, I would like to issue an apology to John Rocker.
Before Thursday’s Mets vs. Braves game, Mr. Rocker read a statement that he had prepared earlier that morning. In that statement, he apologized and wished that it could be put behind him so that he could now concentrate on baseball.
As he read this statement, I felt a tear well up in my eye and realized that I, among others, have severely misjudged John boy. He is obviously a good natured human being and we took what he said in the wrong context.
John Rocker is now my modern day hero. I want my children to grow up to be just like him. I’m telling you, those words he spoke really got to me.
What I don’t understand is if he wrote the statement himself, how come he stumbled over quite a few words? If he had wrote it himself, shouldn’t it have come out a little more “smoother”? Or, is he just a complete idiot??
Like I really believe in his apology. Fuck throwing D batteries at him; maybe a car battery would do the trick and knock some sense into his pea brain.
Anyway, on to Independence Day. The true meaning is beer, fireworks, beer, food, beer, more fireworks and then the all important trip to the emergency room after you held the M80 in your hand a bit too long.
And children, please remember to make sure an adult is present when you light off any fireworks. Since you should not be playing with matches or lighters, I recommend you light the fuse with a lit cigarette. That way, you have yourself a good smoke and you won’t burn your fingers.
Since someone enjoyed our top ten list last week, we’re going to do another!!!!!!
Top 10 episodes of “Three’s Company”:
(Since we do not know the titles of these shows, we will give a brief
description instead)
10: The one where Larry tries to pick up Chrissie.
9: The one where Jack has to cook.
8: The one where Mr. Furley gets upset with Jack, Janet and Chrissie.
7: The one where Mr. Roper gets upset with Jack, Janet and Chrissie.
6: The one where Chrissie jumps up and down.
5: The one where they all go to the Regal Beagle.
4: The one where Jack gets a new girlfriend.
3: The one where Janet and/or Chrissie wear pajamas.
2: The one where Mr. Roper thinks Jack is gay.
1: The one where the girls wear short-shorts.
Make sure you catch at least one of these episodes, so you can see why 1970’s television was the best ever!!! Gotta go now. I have to run to an adjacent state to pick up fireworks that are illegal here.
Everyone have a safe and happy July 4th!!!!
Coming next: It might be that special thing I promised last week!
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