Easter is On its Way!

Since Easter is only a few weeks away, I figured that this would be the perfect time for some Easter tips!!!

I personally think that one of the worst things to do is to buy an actual live bunny. Sure they are cute and furry, but sometimes you just have to turn the cute and furry creatures into a good, hot meal, if you are desperate enough.

A few years ago, Ralph was temporarily laid off work and I was not working because I was quite stupid and very, very fat. (Compare that to nowadays!!!)

I sold a necklace that I had in order to buy Ralph an Easter present. I bought him a case of Schlitz and as I was leaving the store, I saw a cage with little bunnies in it. They only cost 1.00 per rabbit and I figured that Ralph would like a pet because he always told me that he had lots of fun with farm animals when he was younger.

I brought the bunny home and put it in a shoebox. Next I had to find a good place to hide it. The freezer seemed like a great place, but since there was nothing in it, I was sure that Ralph would have been a bit suspicious if something suddenly appeared in there.

I finally hid in the back of the coat closet. Ralph never opened the closet because it was (and is) my job to hang up his coat and also to get it anytime he leaves our home.

I completely forgot about the bunny until a few weeks later, which just happened to be Easter eve! I was out getting a pedicure and when I got home, I smelled something scrumptious!!

Ralph served me dinner that night and it was quite good. After I was done eating I ran to get his presents and was shocked when I found that the bunny was missing.

I gave Ralph his beer and told him that I had something else but it had disappeared. I was crying and when I calmed down, I told Ralph what his other present was. He started laughing and I asked him what was so funny.

He told me that he was looking for some prophylactics and was going thorough the pockets of one of his old jackets in the coat closet when he smelled something peculiar.

He looked around the closet and found the bunny in the shoebox. The bunny had been dead for some time and was rotting away, hence the smell.

He wanted to do something special for me and took the dead bunny to our neighbor who gave him $5.00 for the fur! Ralph then went to the store and picked us up a tin of Spam and some radishes and cooked us a fine dinner.

Even though we did not turn the bunny into a meal, I am worried about someone who is not as civilized as us doing so. That would destroy the real meaning of Easter which has something to do with Peter Rabbit and colorful eggs, so eating rabbit would be very wrong.

I only have that one Easter tip. I thought I had more, but I guess not.

NEXT WEEK: Gadgets!

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Melissa Paternik

Melissa started writing columns back in 2000 when we first got going. She continued for several years and then retired her column. Other writers contributed to Chick Shit after she left. The archived columns are being added one by one and will appear from time to time.

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