by Stephen Johnson
Jack Blades—Rock ‘N Roll Ride
So it seemed like I was making headway with the interview, but somehow
got sidetracked and started writing about myself. Kind if selfish, I
This time I am going to focus on this interview. Focus it can finally be
completed so the whole world can read about the deep dark secrets
guiding Bob through life. It should be a fascinating read.
Me: How’s the weather?
Bob: Why don’t you tell me? You’re seeing the same weather I’m seeing.
M: Well, that’s not entirely true. You can’t SEE weather, Bob.
B: You know what I mean.
M: Actually, Bob, I don’t. But lets go to a different topic, shall we?
M: How’s the white Datsun?
B: On blocks.
M: In the front yard?
B: Of course. It’s Nebraska!
(Lots of laughter, mine kind of forced)
Talking about cars, I had to take mine in last weekend because it was
making a weird sound when I was backing out of the garage, a sound like
something was loose. And then on just one specific road it sounded like
something rattling underneath and to the front of the car.
I explained this to the gentleman at the dealership and I swear he acted
like I was insane. He told me that since it was Saturday, they only had
one tech and he couldn’t go driving around with me just to hear that
sound. I told him I completely understood and was in no rush.
A few hours later the gentleman told me the tech had figured out what
the issue was, I needed a new strut, etc., etc. I don’t know shit about
cars and they’re the experts so I let them do what they needed to do.
Then I called the woman and had her pick me up so we could go pick up a
wireless router. I think it’s a new gadget where you can use toasters
and microwaves without having to plug them into phone sockets. Since I’m
always on the cutting edge of technology I just had to get me one, which
we did, and now I have a box with a newfangled wireless router! Can’t
wait to open it up and hook up all our appliances to it, I think it’ll
be really neat.
M: How many is it now? 15?
M: That’s what I thought. 15 kids. Damn!
B: Hey, wait a…
M: You sure all of us aren’t sending money to your kids? Those
commercials with the flies buzzing around their little faces and they
only have rice to eat…you know, that kinda sucks. Plus which one of
your kids’ favorite subject is math?
B: (noticeably squirming in his seat) Those commercials aren’t for
M: Seriously, do they write back? I’ve never gotten a letter. Would
think that the 3 bucks I send every other month is good enough for a
fucking letter, wouldn’t you think?
B: I wouldn’t know. Besides, those are not….
M: It’s bullshit, Bob. I think I speak for everyone when I say that it’s
bullshit that we can’t get a single letter when we’re supporting your…
B: THIS INTERVIEW IS OVER!!!!
(Bob storms off at this point, quite irate)
COMING NEXT: The continuation of it