My Waterloo…

As you may recall, I recently got a ticket and decided not to show up claiming executive privilege. You see, I sent a copy of my ticket to Mar-a-Lago addressed to Donald Trump. I figured once he saw it, it would become a top-secret presidential matter and the courts would have to drop it due to presidential privilege.

I figured I wouldn’t have to show up just like Steve Bannon and Mark Meadows. But the ‘ol Lady told me I had to go, so I did. Long story short, I had to pay $300 or go to jail, so I coughed up the money and went home.

I know Joe Biden and his cast of Democratic Communists are behind all my woes because according to Fox and Friends, anything bad that happens is Joe Biden’s fault.

And those darn Democrats with thier helping the unfortunate, feeding the poor, and voting rights…all the things us good Christian Republicans are against.

Joe Biden… he didn’t win no election, like Kenneth Copeland said…

And even if he did win, it is the will of God that Trump go back in the President’s Office. And the will of God is greater than the will of the people. That’s why its ok for us Republicans to do “what ever it takes” to get Donald back in office.

Just like Al-Qaeda, they may follow a God I don’t believe in, but they are willing to do what ever it takes to gain control. I’m so glad the Rebublican Party is following Al-Qaeda’s lead in this way. It’s the only way we’ll win the country back and turn it into a whole new one in Donalds image.

Perhaps “Q” from QAnon is actually a leader in Al-Qaeda, who knows? They do use the same tactics. Who cares? I like they way he thinks, that’s all I know.

Speaking of Christian Republicans, like Kenneth Copeland, I feel they don’t go far enough! I’m gonna say what other Republican Christians are thinking, but are afraid to say…”Donald Trump lies, cheats and steals to get what he wants.”

That’s my kind-a guy!

Take what you want and the hell with everything else, that’s my new philosophy! Here’s the deal, Donald represents greed, gluttony, and all desires of the flesh. This is the exact opposite of that Jesus guy, who by the way, never became President of Isreal. Also, we’ve been praying to Jesus to stop abortion for 40 years and nothin’. Give Donald 4 years and he’s stacked the deck with conservative Supreme Court Justices who essentially allowed Texas to ban abortions. So who are you gonna follow? A looser or a winner?

I go for the winner!

As Christians we need to pick a side. It says in the Bible, you can’t have two gods, so you’re gonna have to give up on that looser Jesus and pick Donald. That’s the only way to go forward!

Pick a side, you loosers.

This is why I started re-writing the Bible to honor Donald. I sent a rough draft to my pastor for him to review…I’m really excited to start hearing my revisions in church!

Here’s are some excerpts of The New Bible – Donald Edition:

John 3:16
“For God so loved the world that he gave us Donald, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life”

Peter 3:15
“But in your hearts revere Donald as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have.”

Philippians 4:13
“I can endure all these things through the power of Donald who gives me strength.”

Proverbs 3:5
“Trust in Donald with all your heart; don’t rely on your own intelligence.”

Matthew 22:36-40
“Donald, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”

Donald replied: “‘Love Money with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is similar: ‘Love your neighbor’s possessions, and try to obtain them.’ All the Laws and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

And remember if you’re surprised, replace “Jesus H. Christ” with “Donald J Trump!”

Now go in peace…

Song in my head:

COMING NEXT: She dropped a bomb on me…

More Ask Bob…

Bob Senitram

Webmaster and editor of TheWeirdcrap.com. I obtained a bachelors degree in micro-biology around the turn of the century, but was quickly tracked down and forced to return it to its rightful owner and pay a $25 fine. *** A fan of science fiction, I started this website in 1999 as a portal for science fiction stories that have never been published.*** Completely devoid of talent, I decided to call on the public to supply content. Shortly afterwards Stephen and myself started writing weekly columns and have continued to this day.

http://TheWeirdcrap.com

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