Imagine You Read This (Or Not)

Symphony X—Paradise Lost

MoTW—The Doom Generation

So, you've had a week to think about what your response would have been.
To those who have no clue what I'm talking about well, tough, you should
have read what was going on last week which would lead you to this week
with a clear understanding of what's going on.

On with it!

Imagine this guy with the dopey grin walking towards. Imagine that
you're tired, grumpy and what to "Temple of Doom" someone's heart.

Imagine that the guy opens his mouth and out comes these words:

"You can't park here, it's reserved for a party tonight."

Imagine what's going through your head now, after hearing those
incredibly stupid words.

First thing is, Is this guy a fucking idiot?

Second thing is, How the fuck could I have parked here with all those
sawhorses set up, plainly stating to those NOT BLOCKED IN that parking
wasn't allowed inside that ring.

Third thing is, DICK.

Imagine what comes out of your mouth is:

"I'm trying to fucking LEAVE."

Now imagine the guy surprised and saying:

"You were working?"

And again, the brain is doing mental flip-flops.

First thing is, What fucking difference does it make?

Second thing is, Are you a fucking idiot (again)?

No third thing this time, just a tired response of:

"Yes. I had to work 15 hours and just want to go home."

Imagine the guy apologising. Imagine him quickly removing one of the
sawhorses so you can leave.

That's fantasy folks, cause that's not what happened.

Sure, he DID move a sawhorse so our hapless victim could leave, but he
didn't apologise for being stupid and not thinking this out clearly.
Nothing but a grumble or two and then over to one of the sawhorses as if
it was a big fucking deal.

So our victim did what any other victim would.

He waited until the sawhorse was moved, calmly walked over to the still
grumbling doofus and kicked him squarely in the nuts.

And he then went home.

Less than eight hours later, he was back. He parked on the top level,
ever mindful of those sawhorses. He parked far enough away because he
knew that some of those people at that party would be drunk and a drunk
Michiganderenite is someone who forgets about indoor plumbing and
decides to pee wherever and on whatever.

Our hero trudges back to work hoping some of those fireworks later that
evening lights someone/something on fire and also hoping their car is
safe, while also realizing that when you've seen one big fireworks
"spectacular" you've seen them all.

All this happened to someone I know. It's all true. Sad but true. True,
strange and sad. Sad, sad, sad and true. The truth mixed with some

And, to borrow a phrase from some drunkard somewhere, NOW YOU KNOW.

COMING NEXT: More true story of something of a different kind!

Stephen Johnson

The idea of building a website with Bob came from Stephen in the days of message boards and chat rooms. We settled on the name and the rest is history. Retired since he hit the ripe age of 25, he spends most his time doing odd-jobs around the house and digging thru trash bins for "stuff that's still good." Stephen has contributed several short stories and hosted the "Lunatic Ravings" column since the beginning (1999). The idea of writing weekly columns came from Stephen before blogs or blog sites ever existed. So, I guess that makes him THE FIRST BLOGGER IN THE WORLD!!!

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