I Am Taking Over This Mother Fucking Column…

Hey! My name is Jerome White. I am taking over this mother fucking column from Steven cause his ass is dead!!

I don’t watch no television cause I ain’t got one. I don’t go to no movies because I ain’t got no money. I just write about what I know.

Check this. I went home one evening expecting my dinner to be on the table. It was. But, my bitch ho girlfriend didn’t give me no PEAS!! I need my mother fucking PEAS. So, I screamed at her, “Where are my mother fucking PEAS!”

She looked at me and threw down her dish towel then ran from the kitchen. I don’t know about you, but I will have none of that from my bitch. So, I chased her to the bedroom.

She was lying on the bed CRYING! She’s so weak. I threw a statue of the Virgin Mary at her and demanded to know where my peas were. She kept on crying. So, I jumped on the bed screaming “PEAS!! PEAS!! I want my PEAS!” She kept on crying. Then, she had the nerve to run from the bedroom!!

I ain’t taking none of that shit from my bitch. I followed her into the kitchen. She opened the refrigerator and took out some frozen asparagus. Asparagus? I want no fucking asparagus!!! I want motherfuckingloving PEAS!!!

To make this story short, I didn’t get my damned peas. I had to eat my steak with no peas. However, I warned her about me having no peas. This will not happen again.

She did tell me that my prescription to the Wall Street Journal ran out. I got mad again. How could she let my prescription run out?? Where’s her head? I expect 2 things when I get home: I need my peas and I need my Wall Street Journal. Now it looks like I ain’t got either. Fuck this shit.

On a personal note, Steven was pretty cool for a white guy. It’s Bob I think I might have a problem with. I think I might be bustin a cap in his ass real soon.

Peace.

Up Next: I visit the funeral home.

More Lunatic Ravings…

Stephen Johnson

The idea of building a website with Bob came from Stephen in the days of message boards and chat rooms. We settled on the name TheWeirdcrap.com and the rest is history. Retired since he hit the ripe age of 25, he spends most his time doing odd-jobs around the house and digging thru trash bins for "stuff that's still good." Stephen has contributed several short stories and hosted the "Lunatic Ravings" column since the beginning (1999). The idea of writing weekly columns came from Stephen before blogs or blog sites ever existed. So, I guess that makes him THE FIRST BLOGGER IN THE WORLD!!!

https://theweirdcrap.com

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