Questions? Answers? Answers! Questions! And A Comment!

REO Speedwagon—Find Your Own Way Home


I try to respond to any blurb left in the comment section (link below)
unless it's a 20,000 word definition about geology which is the study of
fucking rocks. Many thanks to the person who took the time to copy and
paste that fascinating bit about geology which, again, is the study of
fucking rocks.

The following is something I did not respond to in the comment section
since this column would replace the old one and the hapless soul who
wrote this

"kelly clarkson is hot, I'd fuck her in a New York minute."

would feel that I had left them out since I hadn't taken the time to
respond and they would go through life feeling unloved and

Good thing for them I'm not that kind of guy!

After reading the above comment and fighting back the vomit creeping up
my throat, a wave of pity overtook me. This is obviously someone who is
lonely and desperate to fuck anything, even resorting to the lowest of
low, an American Idol competitor.

All the contestants hang around Seacrest and the dumb radiates off him
like stink radiates off one of those fine crackwhores from Crackwhore
Village that I every so often mention.

Since the stink from the crackwhores stick to anything/anyone within a
fifty foot radius, the dumb from Seacrest would stick to those within
the same radius, that's physics and that's what happens. Don't argue
with it. It is what it is.

And since the contestants are dumb to begin with (remember, at least one
of them couldn't fucking read) the dumb emanating from Seacrest makes
them dumber. Dumber than a box of rocks one could say, if they wanted

So what I'm saying is that fucking a rock and fucking Clarkson would be
the same thing. Check out some rocks next time you're out and about. You
might be surprised how sexy some rocks actually are.

The beauty about rocks is that they don't talk back or want to snuggle
when the deed is done. They also don't go running to the cops when you
slap them around a bit for burning the mac 'n' cheese. They also
don't need money for shopping and botox and shit like that.

But maybe the person who left that comment is the same person who
screamed "Nooooooooooooooo" or "Awooooooooooooowooowoo" or whatever it
was when it was announced during some press conference that Paris Hilton
was going back to jail. If so, it's a lost cause.

What gets me is how many people now feel sorry for her when I was
cracking up everytime that picture of her crying mug was shown on the
tv. Why are they feeling sorry for her now? Because she's mentally
unstable? So are serial killers, yet nobody feels sorry for them. I
don't get it.

I also don't understand why she needs medication when it didn't seem to
be an issue that was brought up when she was drinking and driving. Is
there any medication for mental problems that mix well with alcohol?

So many questions! Hopefully she's writing that book so I can get some

COMING NEXT: More worthwhile meanderings

Stephen Johnson

The idea of building a website with Bob came from Stephen in the days of message boards and chat rooms. We settled on the name and the rest is history. Retired since he hit the ripe age of 25, he spends most his time doing odd-jobs around the house and digging thru trash bins for "stuff that's still good." Stephen has contributed several short stories and hosted the "Lunatic Ravings" column since the beginning (1999). The idea of writing weekly columns came from Stephen before blogs or blog sites ever existed. So, I guess that makes him THE FIRST BLOGGER IN THE WORLD!!!

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