Job Hunting!

Job hunting is so hard! I have spent the last week filling out applications everywhere imaginable, but I finally found a great way to make money!!! At least the job hunting is over!

I’ll get to my new job in a moment. First though, I’m sure there are a lot of my fans wondering where I’m living and bathing and things like that. Since I have no secrets, I’m going to tell you!!!

Ralph and I are currently taking time away from each other, but he was nice enough to leave some clothes and other womanly products on the front porch of our trailer. See why I still love him so? Even though we are temporarily apart, he’s still thinking about me!!!

I was living in a hotel, but that was only one day before my money ran out. Bob offered to take me in, but said I had to stay in a closet so his wife didn’t know I was there. That sure was sweet of him but I need a little more room than what a closet can offer so I had to turn him down.

I did find some old pallets behind a grocery store and carried them to the woods and built myself a small, but comfortable home!!! Sure, there’s no electricity or running water, but I am one with nature and you can’t ask for anything better than that!!!

Yes, I do bathe!!! I have an empty 2-liter bottle that I fill up every day at a nearby convenience store in order to use the next morning to wash myself. Being stinky is not the type of person that I am!!!

I have found that tree bark can be quite tasty when you’re hungry. Oak tree bark is especially good when cooked properly. I have also tried eating some leaves, but some give me fierce diarrhea, so I am going to stay away from leaves until I get a book that tells me what leaves to eat and which ones to stay away from.

I have a box that I use as a toilet. When I’m done with my business, I just cover what I left with freshly picked flowers and weeds. That helps cover up the overpowering stink.

As you can see, I am doing quite well!! Soon I’ll be able to save up some money and move up in the world!!!

As for my job, well I’m back in the dancing business!!! I went back to the same bar where I worked before and got my job back!!! I now work from 4 am to 4 pm. I am allowed two 10-minute breaks, and the rest of the time I’m strutting my stuff on the stage. .50 an hour PLUS tips, isn’t bad at all!!

See ya!!

NEXT WEEK: I buy some stuff for my new home!!!

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A new Chick Shit column every Wednesday!

Melissa Paternik

Melissa started writing columns back in 2000 when we first got going. She continued for several years and then retired her column. Other writers contributed to Chick Shit after she left. The archived columns are being added one by one and will appear from time to time.

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