Poor Ralph!! He had a tapeworm that made him so uncomfortable, that my tip for this week is going to be about getting rid of tapeworms instead of what I promised!!
It started when Ralph had diarrhea. Normally this wouldn’t be too abnormal since we live in a trailer park, but this diarrhea was different from all the rest.
He went to a doctor and was given some medicine, but it did not work. He was in so much discomfort that I had to do something quick!!
I asked around and found out that tapeworms love cheese!! I went to the store and bought a bag of Kraft cheese cubes, some fishing line and fishing hooks.
When I got home, Ralph was lying on the couch moaning. I showed him what I got and that seemed to perk him up a bit!!
I took a few of the cheese cubes and stuck a fish hook in each one, then I tied some fishing line on each hook.
I then told Ralph that I would have to stick the cheese up his butt. He was too sick to complain and went ahead and pulled his pants down and bent down.
I took the cheese cubes and stuck them up his butt. The fishing line I tied around my fingers so, when I felt a tug, I could pull the line and hopefully yank the tapeworm out of Ralph!!!
For the next few days Ralph did not leave my side. I kept the fishing lines tied around my fingers hoping that the tapeworm would go for the cheese.
It finally happened when I was dancing at the go go bar. I felt a tug on one of the lines in the middle of my set and I pulled the line as hard as I could.
I heard a scream and saw Ralph fall face down to the floor as I pulled the six foot tapeworm from his butt. The worm landed on the stage with a half eaten cheese cube still in it mouth. I crushed it with my heels and finished my set.
Ralph was passed out on the floor and didn’t wake up for a few hours. When he did, I gently pulled the other cheese cubes from his ass and placed them, along with the crushed tapeworm, in a beer glass so Ralph could have them as a little memento!
Ralph’s diarrhea is now back to normal and we have a great conversation piece sitting on our coffee table in the living room!!!
NEXT WEEK: Love tips!!
More Chick Shit for Chic Chicks!
A new Chick Shit column every Wednesday!
