Guest Writers

guest writers

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After of few years online, we invited guest writers to get in the act. Being very selective at first, we started with “Chick Shit for Chic Chicks” by Melissa Paternick. Then we figured it couldn’t get much worse, so we added “Psycho Sermons, ” by Bel Garion and “Paperback Writer” by P.S. Gifford. Brian Petre also included some insights of life on the road.

Now anyone can join in! Just click the SUBMIT link.

Here Are The Latest Entries

What Ever Happened to Melissa?

October 15, 2022

Here’s the latest update on Melissa, fugitive from justice, go-go dancer and all around slut: We hired some cheap investigators to track down Melissa. What they have reported to us is shocking, but typical of Melissa. She is currently travelling with 3 other females, all…

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Chick Shit For Chic Chicks

August 21, 2022

I am very upset with Bob!! He claims that I said that he owes me money for performing sexual favors on him during our Christmas party last year. This is not true!!! It’s true I was in the bathroom with a couple of men, but…

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Chick Shit for Chic Chicks

June 20, 2022

Wedding Vows! Ralph and I decided to renew our wedding vows this past weekend!! We have been married for 5 years and have had our share of problems but have been able to work them out and become closer. Ralph also told me that we…

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Cleaning Tips!

May 30, 2022

by Melissa Paternick Oh boy, did I ever make a big mistake when I last mentioned my cleaning tips!! It seems that a lot of people, like Jim N., are confused about what I meant when I said I was going to write about head…

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Chick Shit for Chic Chicks: Drinking…

May 1, 2022

Since I do work in a go go bar, a lot of the patrons ask me what it takes to get me drunk. I can tell you truthfully, it doesn’t take much!! I met my husband Ralph while standing in line at a grocery store….

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Chick Shit for Chic Chicks: An Unexpected Visit!

April 10, 2022

One of the worst things that can happen if, like me, you are in the prostitution/go go dancing profession is the unsightly pimple. I can’t tell you how many times I have been paranoid, while dancing on the stage, that a huge pimple on my…

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Chick Shit For Chic Chicks

February 25, 2022

I thought the phone sex business I started was going to make lots of money until my next door neighbor asked me how I would know if the credit card numbers were good. Credit card numbers? Why would I need those? My neighbor explained that…

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Chick Shit for Chic Chicks

January 16, 2022

Aliens and Jail and Probes, Oh my… When I got home early Sunday morning from work, I was surprised when I noticed that Ralph was not home. I called around the trailer park but nobody knew where he went. I finally went to bed figuring…

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Chick Shit for Chic Chicks

January 1, 2022

In this edition of Chick Shit for Chic Chicks I would like to tell you about our New Year’s Eve party. Which was quite a success, unlike last year when Mr. Patton, our elderly next-door neighbor, was tragically killed. Ralph accidentally shot him as he…

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Chick Shit for Chic Chicks

December 12, 2021

Today’s submission of Chick Shit for Chic Chicks: I completed my first full week of work at the go-go bar. I made $27.00 in tips for the whole week, and I think that is pretty darn good. I did have some small problems, though. The…

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Chick Shit for Chic Chicks

November 6, 2021

Hollarwein is Over… I received a lovely email from Phil that is so touching: “hey melissa, you kin cum live with me sweety i’ll give you a spot right between me my sister and my mom and the sheep, and don’t you worry about the…

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Chick Shit For Chic Chicks

September 26, 2021

When I got home early Sunday morning from work, I was surprised when I noticed that Ralph was not home. I called around the trailer park but nobody knew where he went. I finally went to bed figuring that he probably went hunting and forgot…

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The Complete Works of John Henry David III

August 22, 2021

John Henry David III was an accomplished American “silly quote writer”. Herein lie his major works and a small detailed biography which follows. “Redispose my underachievement for I am greatly misunderestimated!” -John Henry David III”Avast there, silence between decks, my albatross wears no diaper!” -John…

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Chick Shit for Chic Chicks

August 8, 2021

Question 27? I was going to write something to do with hygiene tips, but I am having problems with my GED studies so I decided to discuss that instead. I always thought that the GED test was the same for everyone, but I was wrong….

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Just for you

April 17, 2021

Just for you. Have you ever wanted to murder someone? Please, please, read on for I am deadly serious. So, I shall repreat the simple question- have you ever wanted to murder someone? I don’t mean wished them dead… But actually seriously considered the process…

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Saint Patrick’s Day

April 16, 2021

by Saint Garion For Saint Patrick’s Day we all went down to the local Irish pub, where the Lord and Buddha chased some kids around in a circle, playing their “who can heal the 6 year-old faster after she smashes her head into the ground”…

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Catch Up e-mail

April 16, 2021

(Originally posted on 04/11/2007) I’ve decided to catch up on some e-mail.___________________________________ Dear Saint Garion, Why is it that our children can’t read a Bible in school, but they can in prison? Thanks, ~Eric Dear Eric, The answer is simple: It’s because you get to…

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Guy Fawkes Day

October 16, 2013

Paper Back Writer by P.S. Gifford With Halloween almost upon us, and many a friend sharing their tae on the season, I cannot help but recollect my own childhood memories of this time of year. By now, in England, the days were short, and the…

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The Tree of Hope

August 9, 2013

Paperback writer by PS Gifford The Tree of Hope.P.S. Gifford I shall never forget that particular Friday afternoon in April 1976. I was just a tender and impressionable eleven years old that was my final year at Whitecrest primary school. It is an enchanted age…

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Big Blog

December 5, 2012

Paperback writer by P.S. Gifford There’s a blog chain going around called “The Next Big Thing.” The idea is, each writer answers some questions about their next big project… and lines up five more authors to do the same, encouraging people to discover other authors’…

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Dealing with Alzheimer’s

April 24, 2012

Paperback writer by P.S. Gifford Alzheimer’s and dementia are cruel things to suffer from and, I must add, being a caregiver you must assume nothing- as everyday offers new challenges. At two this morning I literally cried. My father was calling for his mother- and…

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The Image

April 22, 2012

Paperback writer by P.S. Gifford The Image Have you ever looked hard at yourself in the mirror? Deep into your own eyes… And simply stared. And kept on staring until the image became fuzzy. Indistinguishable, hazy, confused… Yet you kept on staring until to realize,…

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My son turns nineteen today

March 11, 2012

By Guest Writer Today my son turns nineteen. Hardly seems possible….It is a bittersweet occasion as I know he is happy- but I will not be getting to see him. I rarely do. Jonathan was just eighteen months old when I met and fell in…

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Rattled

January 21, 2012

Guest Writer (unknown) Words are rattling in my soul-That are longing to break free…So here I am a tap-tapping keysin an attempt to make them be! But all that rose to the surfaceIs this awkward and clumsy verse.Should I stop my tap-tapping now,before I make…

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PS Gifford’s website

July 18, 2011

Paperback writer by PS Gifford The Great Shoe Caper This is an absolutely true account, none of the names or facts have been changed to protect the innocent, because there were no actual innocents involved. It was an incredible ten years ago it all happened,…

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Hints

February 9, 2011

Helpful Hints from Helloise”Thanks for all the feedback on last weeks helpful hint ‘Be kind to your chainsaw and it will be kind to you.’ And Bob in the Bronx- that was a brilliant and rather creative notion you had for eliminating your mother-in-law. Please…

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Entombed

October 19, 2010

Entombed It all began with a bet.I would suspect that a lot of bad things begin with a bet. Well, that combined with an evening down at the pub.This actually did not start at a pub per se, but at a rum shop, the Bajan…

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My website

September 16, 2010

Paperback writer by PS Gifford Words have always been my allies. They have comforted, cared and consoled me during sadness, encouraged, enriched and entertained me at my most dire moments, and supported, sustained and shared in my occasional victories. I have traveled the world, been…

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KillerCon Vegas

August 31, 2010

KillerConWhat an amazing weekend I had. In fact amazing is quite the understatement. I have to confess I did have concerns as the morning prior to my departure I discover that the location changed. No longer was it to be held at the Palace Station…

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killercon

August 31, 2010

KillerConWhat an amazing weekend I had. In fact amazing is quite the understatement. I have to confess I did have concerns as the morning prior to my departure I discover that the location changed. No longer was it to be held at the Palace Station…

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High Tech

March 13, 2010

I have just been in a terrible predicament,A tight spot which I am sure will make the strongest stomached of readers wince.A dilemma which I have also considered but never dared to consider would happen.Well happen it did.I was busying myself in the kitchen preparing…

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KillerCon Vegas- my first day

September 22, 2009

What an interesting weekend this turned out to be.To be perfectly frank I wasn’t highly motivated about attending- and barely prepared for the trip. Besides I was broke- and Vegas isn’t the cheapest place to hang out at.On Thursday morning, after another of a string…

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click for more info on P.S. Gifford

September 11, 2009

Foolproof plan “It’s a bloody foolproof plan!” Charlie Watkins stated matter-of-factly with the usual upbeat optimistic tone to his voice and then promptly, wit one gulp, downed the last of his pint. He licked his lips in satisfaction, “it simply must work.” Jimmy and Cuthbert…

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My experience at the Bram Stoker awards

August 27, 2009

I did the signing at Dark Delicacies on Thursday night- and whilst everyone else was heading back to the hotel to drink and mingle- I headed home. I live sixty miles or so from Burbank. I took my son to the signing- but I wanted…

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A terrible predicament

August 22, 2009

I have just been in a terrible predicament,A tight spot which I am sure will make the strongest stomached of readers wince.A dilemma which I have also considered but never dared to consider would happen.Well happen it did.I was busying myself in the kitchen preparing…

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From The Guest Writers Archive

The Remarkable Journey

August 7, 2007

By P.S. GiffordIt was on a chillingly cold and crisp October early morning several years ago that our peculiar tale began. Although perhaps there is a valid argument to be had for it actually beginning the moment we decided to spend the night in such…

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Republican Lemmings

September 27, 2005

Forgive me, but it is time for a rant. Some asshole knocked on my door this morning at 7am (I suspect it was the neighbor), but by the time I determined that there was no smoke / fire and got the shotgun down out of…

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Complete Lunatics Archives can be found HERE